


To Dance Above The Fiery Clouds

by EndlessGloaming



Category: Stormlight Archive - Brandon Sanderson
Genre: Book 03: Oathbringer, Canon-Typical Violence, Demisexuality, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Happy Ending, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Book 03: Oathbringer, almost canon compliant, jasnah verbally flaying people gives me life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 74,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22352053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndlessGloaming/pseuds/EndlessGloaming
Summary: Formerly titled "The Elsecaller And The Windrunner"It takes a lot for Jasnah Kholin to become romantically interested in someone, but when she finally does, he's worth it.I'm going to keep this piece to a teen rating (heat level slightly higher than canon), but there will be additional E-rated scenes in my other series for those who are interested. I'll write the explicit scenes such that they are not necessary for the story, and I'll include links where they fit in.
Relationships: Kaladin & Jasnah Kholin, Kaladin/Jasnah Kholin
Comments: 457
Kudos: 202





	1. Just Returned From The Dead And Immediately Back To Business

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Randall_Flagg56](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randall_Flagg56/gifts).



> I'm using triple-asterisks to indicate a change of scene (different place or time) and single asterisk to indicate change in perspective within the same scene.
> 
> H/T to Randall_Flagg56 for prodding me to consider this pairing.

"You already have other orders of Knights Radiant?Which ones, and who?"Jasnah stood stiffly with her mother's arm around her waist.She could humor her mother's desire to hold onto her after two months of thinking her daughter dead.At least for a few minutes.

"I am Bondsmith, Renarin is a Truthwatcher, and our Windrunner, Captain Kaladin, just returned a few hours before you did." Dalinar was just as she remembered him, though his usual military demeanor had softened in his joy at her return.

Jasnah nodded sharply."I am at once pleased we have found more and alarmed it's so few given the Desolation has already begun.I'll want to interview all of you to capture what little knowledge we have so we can locate and train new Radiants as efficiently as possible."

***

Jasnah was just starting to weary of the tour of the tower when she spotted another very familiar face.Her older cousin was with some other soldiers and stopped in his tracks, eyes wide.

"Jasnah?!Is that you?We thought you were dead!"Adolin tackled her and practically crushed her in a hug.The men in her family tended to be very strong, but at least most of them weren't huggers.

Jasnah returned the embrace but struggled free as quickly as possible."Cousin, it seems I've missed out on quite a lot in my absence, so I'm glad to see you are well."

Adolin held her by the shoulders and looked her up and down, as if inspecting her to make sure she was real."You have missed a lot.Here, you should meet Kaladin while you're both here.He's a Windrunner!"Adolin let go of one of her shoulders to gesture at a tall man with long wavy hair and an intense gaze. And were those _slave brands_ on his forehead?With a _shash_?

"Captain, I'd like to record your experience bonding with your spren and the effects of speaking the oaths of your order, for strategic as well as scholarly purposes."

"He flew all the way from central Alethkar _this morning_ ," Adolin said. "I'd think he wants some rest."

*

Kaladin had heard people talking about the king's sister, but none of it had captured what a _presence_ she had.It was like a pressure in the air."It's fine," Kaladin said."I can answer some questions."

Jasnah raised one sharp eyebrow.Those bright violet eyes seemed to look right through him. "I was actually going to suggest setting up a time in the future, but I won't turn down a chance now.I would like the records to go into significant detail, so it may take multiple sessions.Might as well get started."

Adolin gestured toward Jasnah."Well, Bridgeboy, now you've met my cousin. Just returned from the dead and immediately back to business."

Jasnah glared at Adolin, then turned on her heel.Kaladin followed her to a room where some scholars were working, where she acquired paper and a reed pen, then claimed a table for them.Several of the scholars did a double take upon seeing her, which she paid no mind to.

*

Jasnah dipped her reed."Now, Captain, what was your earliest use of Surgebinding abilities or awareness of the bond with your spren?"

He pressed his lips together."It's hard to say.I noticed Syl following me when I was on my way to the Shattered Plains, but at the time I thought she was just a windspren."

"Your spren's name is Syl?"

"Sylphrena, but I call her Syl."

"And she's an honorspren, correct?"

"Yes.She talked to me for the first time then, and knew my name, which was the first time I thought something odd was going on."

"And could you use either of your Surges at that point?"

He shook his head."I think the first time I used any Lashing was to keep arrows from hitting me while I was in the bridge crews.I didn't understand what was going on.At the time I thought it was just luck."

"Bridge crews?" Jasnah had some idea how war on the Shattered Plains had been conducted, but in getting out to the Narak Oathgate, she'd only seen chull-pulled bridges.

"Oh, right, you weren't out there during the war, were you?"

"I visited the Plains years ago, while the war was in its early days, but did not go near the front."

He glanced around the room before speaking.There were enough conversations going on that they wouldn't be easily overheard, but he spoke more softly."Well, Sadeas came up with this brilliant scheme of having unarmored men carry bridges right up to the final assault, to act as bait so the Parshendi archers would shoot us instead of real, valuable soldiers."His voice seethed with anger.

Torol Sadeas had apparently become even more of a cremling since she'd last seen him.And the captain didn't use any honorific for Sadeas. Interesting."How many arrows over what time period?"

He shrugged and shook his head."Hundreds?And it was rather hard to gauge time during those assaults.It felt like ages, but the part when we were in range was probably not much over a minute, maybe two."

Jasnah's reed sagged in her hand."Sadeas had you run into a hail of arrows unarmored?"

He nodded sharply. 

Given that she had been stabbed through the heart and lived, she shouldn't have been so surprised, but still, Radiants were incredibly hard to kill. "And the arrows never hit you?"

A muscle flexed in his jaw."I got nicked but nothing serious.The people around me got hit less, but they still got hit."More quietly, he said, "For a while I thought I was cursed to watch other people die."

"I'm sorry." Jasnah schooled her expression, sat up straighter, and cleared her throat."You deflected arrows onto something?"

"The bridge.They often hit right around my hands without hitting me."

The muscles in his neck were taut and his shoulders hunched forward. It clearly pained him to remember all this, and she couldn't fault him: it sounded horrifying.

She tried to speak gently, though that wasn't really something she'd practiced."Your experience is particularly informative in that it supports my hypothesis that social standing is largely if not entirely irrelevant to spren selecting humans to bond with."

"I wasn't always a slave."

*

He told her of being in Amaram's army and getting betrayed.

She listened intently without interrupting.When he finished, she said, "My father tried to set me up with Meridas Amaram when we were younger.I found him repugnant even before hearing about this reprehensible action."

He grimaced."Well, there's something we can agree on."


	2. Logic That Involves Murdering Innocents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah and Kaladin debate morality. Jasnah gets to fly, just a tiny bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This occurs shortly after the meeting of Radiants that occurs in Chapter 39 of OB, starting p412 in the Kindle edition. In that meeting, Jasnah suggesting finding Heralds and killing one to try to contain the Voidbringers with the Oathpact, and to consider whether they need to exterminate the parshmen so the Voidbringers don't have hosts. Kaladin objects, particularly since he's just gotten back from traveling with the parshmen and is sympathetic to their situation. Jasnah offers to get him some mink kits to cuddle while the adults discuss what needs to be done even if it's distasteful. Kaladin offers to get her some eels to cuddle with since she'd be right at home. Jasnah doesn't seem at all offended by this, and requests that he get the Windrunners to keep an eye on parshmen movement, to which he agrees, though it's only Dalinar's intervention that stops their sniping. Jasnah instructed Shallan to take meeting notes, but instead she sketches Kaladin, for which Jasnah chastises her for wandering eyes.

After that meeting of Radiants, Kaladin wasn't looking forward to being stuck talking with Jasnah again, especially being grilled one on one. He'd agreed to it, though. He stood up straight, sucked in his objections, and marched to their arranged location.

This second session, the room Kaladin met Jasnah in was smaller and had just one table. There was no one else there. _Great. Now I'm not just trapped with her, I'm trapped_ alone _with her._ "Aren't you going to insist on a chaperone?"

"You have bonded an honorspren.I'm confident you won't do anything dishonorable."She leaned back from the table."You seemed uncomfortable with other people overhearing our conversation, so I thought you might speak more freely if we had some privacy.I can see that your experience of becoming a Surgebinder is tied in with a lot of...intense experiences and emotions."

He grunted and took a seat.

She looked at him for several moments, saying nothing.Her bright violet eyes seemed to see too deeply into him."I apologize for my remarks to you during our last meeting.I don't wish to create hostility among our few Radiants."

He shifted in his chair."It's just... I've already had a problem trying to justify the means with what seemed like good ends, even though it felt wrong.I'm not doing that again."

"Problem?"

Kaladin crossed his arms, trying to hide his spike of panic.He couldn't tell her the full circumstances.Maybe he could be vague and then change the subject?"Nearly broke my bond.I guess different kinds of spren have different standards?Or maybe it doesn't feel wrong to you the way it did to me?"

She took a deep breath and looked at the table."For what it's worth, you may...have a stronger moral foundation for your position than I did."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"I had a conversation with my spren about it and he said that while he agreed with my logic, he admitted your recommendation lined up better with the First Ideal."

"So it's not a problem if your logic goes against the Ideals you've sworn?"

Jasnah laced her fingers on the table."Ivory is very much in favor of logic, so we tend not to have many differences of opinion."

 _Logic that involves murdering innocents._ Kaladin pressed his lips together."Well, just know I'm going to push back on any order that feels like it endangers Syl."

She nodded. "That's only sensible given the value of Windrunners, especially since you are the only one so far."

 _Of course.Just because of the value to you of having someone who can fly._ He grunted.

She sighed, tapping a finger."Given that your spren is tied to this sort of morality on a deep level, I'm inclined to say that's important, and my utilitarian approach may not be wise after all.I've learned we should not ignore the comments our spren make, much less their fundamental natures."

Kaladin stood up and paced, which was unsatisfying in the small room."Does it feel all right to you, to think that way?Killing a herald just in case that might help?"

Her discerning eyes followed him, though her look was softer now."No, it doesn't _feel_ right, but as I said, I try to be guided by logic."

"What if logic leads you to the wrong actions?"

"Then some of the inputs to my logic were incorrect."

He stopped and met her eyes."Maybe that's what your feelings are trying to tell you."

"How can you distinguish between shirking something necessary just because you don't like it and avoiding something that's genuinely wrong?"

Kaladin continued pacing the room, about-facing several more times before answering. _So much for keeping the conversation from going this direction_ _._ "My father told me many times that sometimes you have to amputate a limb to save the patient, and for a while, I tried to apply that reasoning to removing human beings for the greater good, and it's not right.It's not the same.Sacrificing weak soldiers to save strong ones, sending bridgemen out as bait, killing someone because you think their death would be for the better--" _Especially if you'd sworn to protect them.Storms, Elhokar is her brother._ He shook his head."I don't really know how to explain.People can't be treated like limbs, like things."

She nodded."Schools of philosophy differ on such matters, but I may be too quick to treat people as disposable.I believe your judgment here is sound, and I respect that."She sighed."That doesn't address the general case, but I suppose we shouldn't spend the entire evening debating morality.Can you be satisfied that I'm not a monster?"

He gave the question genuine consideration."Yes."

She picked her reed up and her voice turned businesslike."My next priority is documenting your Lashings. Starting from your initial discovery of them, if you please."

At first he just wanted to get it over with quickly, but she prodded, gently but persistently, for more detail. 

He told her about how he'd first figured out how to change the direction of gravity and his initial practice in the chasms and flying over the Shattered Plains.He couldn't help but smile at the memory, and he even caught Jasnah smiling as he told her of his joy at flying.

*

Jasnah had, of course, given some thought to the practical applications of having someone who could fly, but she hadn't considered what it would be like to actually do it, and seeing the otherwise stormy captain smile in wonder piqued her interest.

She leaned forward."Could you demonstrate the Lashings on me?"

He stood, drew in Stormlight, and gestured for her to stand as well.He put a hand on her shoulder and she only narrowly repressed a noise as she suddenly felt like she was upside down, her stomach lurching into her chest.A moment later, she was weightless, floating two feet off the ground, Kaladin next to her.

"Not much of a demo in a room with a low ceiling, but at least you get the idea."He smiled at her.

He'd said it was like falling the wrong way, and it was, but falling with no wind, weightless. _Objects physically in contact with a Surgebinder manipulating Gravitation appear to get Lashed as well, though since it doesn't include things like floors or furniture, it's likely limited to things the Surgebinder considers an extension of themselves or, when Lashing something or someone else, a part of the target._ Her stomach was still in her chest, and her hands clenched into fists.

She stared at him.His hair and clothing floated around him as if he were underwater, Light rising off his skin in wisps. The effect was striking.

She swallowed."How much Stormlight does it use?"

He told her of one of his squires' attempts to measure his abilities and his limited success."I got from the Shattered Plains well into Aladar's princedom on a pouch stuffed full of broams, and that took about half a day."

"What were you doing in Aladar's princedom?"

"Failing to make it all the way to my home town before the Everstorm hit."

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"What?"

"For some reason I thought you were from Kholinar."

He laughed."Not even close.Small farm town."

"In Aladar's land?"

He shook his head."Sadeas.I had to walk the last 90 miles."

"What town?"

"I doubt you'd have heard of it."

"I'm quite familiar with the kingdom, at least by map.Try me."

"Hearthstone."

She nodded.She had heard of it.That silversmith had gotten sent there after her brother's foolish involvement in his affairs."And how had it fared?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. _Why am I asking?That couldn't possibly be relevant._ And yet she still wanted to know.

"Turned out my family is all right and most of the town survived, despite my being late."He touched her shoulder, and she sunk slowly back to the ground.She suppressed her disappointment. 

"Running out of Stormlight while still in the air has been an issue," he said.

*

Kaladin sat back down and Jasnah did likewise.She nodded, then got a distant look in her eyes."I suppose I can't blame you for trying to reach your family given that I spent years investigating my father's assassination."

"You were there when it happened, weren't you?" he asked softly.

She nodded.

"I'm sorry."

She straightened and her voice grew firm."It's been six years.I've dealt with my feelings.And besides, we have bigger problems to worry about now."

"Time only does so much.It's hard to let go of family."

He could see the question in her eyes, so before she said anything, he asked the first thing that popped into his mind. "You grew up in Kholinar, right?"

That led to a surprisingly long digression about her early life there, and for a while, he let himself be the country boy who wanted to see the world and just listened to her talk about her life as royalty in the capitol, occasionally prompting her for more.It was an interesting glimpse into the woman behind the reputation.Assuming her accounts were at all accurate, she'd been forceful and determined ever since she was a child, and perhaps more remarkably, that came across without the arrogance he expected of a lighteyes, much less a king's daughter.

When she finally drew to a stop, she looked at him again, curiosity plain in her eyes, but she didn't ask anything more of him.She seemed to sense the sessions were emotionally taxing and stopped before he got too raw. She stood and gathered her papers. "I apologize if I've kept you too late. It must be near third moonrise by now."

He met her eyes. "It's all right."


	3. And You Still Didn't Figure It Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah, Dalinar, and Adolin discuss the difficulty of identifying Radiants when they don't want to be found.

Jasnah lingered in the map room, straightening her papers, still thinking.Dalinar and Adolin remained as well, discussing a few last tactical points.Dalinar gazed toward the map, though his eyes were distant.

One of the former bridgemen guards opened the door and stuck his head in. "Me and Paco's shift is over, and Relo and Arn from Bridge 13 are taking over now, Sirs and Brightness, in case you need any more guarding this evening."He nodded, hastily gave a salute as if he'd just remembered, and closed the door.

Adolin snickered and shook his head.

"It is curious you wound up with a group of bridge slaves as your guard," Jasnah said."I presume you identified them as Radiants and managed to get them before Sadeas realized their value?"

Dalinar looked up at her, knocked from his reverie."Not at all.You haven't heard how Sadeas betrayed us at the Tower, then?"

Adolin's jaw clenched and he looked down at the table.

_If I find out who killed Sadeas, I’m buying them a bottle of the finest violet._ "Apparently not."

Dalinar's face hardened."Sadeas deliberately got us surrounded by the Parshendi and abandoned us, not just pulling away his army, but all the bridges.You've seen the Plains, so you can imagine how that left us entirely trapped.I thought Adolin and I and all our soldiers were dead.From bits and pieces I heard afterward, apparently Kaladin was planning to escape with his bridge crew, but saw our army, and the betrayal troubled them enough to risk themselves to come back for us."

Jasnah raised an eyebrow. _Always exercise skepticism._ "Perhaps they thought they'd have a better chance if you owed them something."

Dalinar shook his head."It wasn't that.They thought they were throwing away their chance at freedom.Kaladin was downright hostile to me at first."

Jasnah quirked a slight smile at that.

Adolin nodded."He certainly wasn't trying to suck up to us.He took charge like a lighteyes and started ordering everyone around like they were new recruits, including me!I did take a disliking to him at first because of that, at least until he saved my life _again_ in that duel."

"I did manage to pick the most eventful possible couple of months to be stuck in Shadesmar, didn't I?"

"You did, cousin.I was a fool and got myself into a fully disadvantaged duel, so Relis brought _three_ of his friends to fight me. Renarin came to help, but, well, he hasn't had much practice with the sword.Father called for any other Shardbearer in the audience to join, and when none did, bridgeboy jumped in with nothing but a spear."

Jasnah's eyes widened."Surely you knew he was a Surgebinder by then."

Adolin shook his head."I was sure something was strange about him, but couldn't figure out what.I'm pretty sure he broke someone's Plate _with his feet_ and then stood back up a little while later like nothing had happened.Plus the way he dodged...nobody can do that.Oh, and there was the time he fell out of a window while fighting the Assassin in White."

"How high was the window?"

Adolin shrugged."Maybe a hundred feet?"

"And you _still_ didn't figure out that he was a Surgebinder?"

Adolin's brows furrowed."How were we supposed to know what all that meant?"

"People repeatedly surviving where others do not is a classic sign of Surgebinding ability.His time in the bridge crews alone might have been enough of a signal to someone looking closely."

Adolin huffed."Well we didn't know that!"

Dalinar's shoulders slumped."I thought after my announcement about refounding the Knights Radiant that anyone with the right abilities would come forward."

"And you had just named Amaram the head of your new order. Were you already aware of what Amaram had done to him?"

Dalinar nodded."Kaladin told me but I was still investigating."

"And you're really surprised he didn't tell you he was a Radiant?"

Adolin pressed his lips together."Cousin, you do have a way of making a man feel slow-witted."

Jasnah sighed."I suppose these things are always obvious in hindsight.You would have to know what to look for if there's nothing as obvious as, say, running on the ceiling."

"I did directly ask him once," Dalinar said.

"After he survived a two hundred foot fall and, I'm fairly sure, a fight with a chasm fiend--to bring Shallan back," Adolin said."Though I guess now it's obvious that she survived with Radiant abilities too." He stood up straighter."Say, how long did it take you to figure out Shallan was Radiant? You knew before getting back; I know that's why you set up the betrothal."

Jasnah sighed."She's the one who found me out, I have to admit. I didn't even believe her until she pulled us both into Shadesmar."

"Hah!" Adolin said, pointing at her.

"In hindsight it's possible I should have been suspicious of her drawing abilities.Though in my defense, that is very particular to Lightweavers, and only briefly mentioned in historical documents."

Adolin lifted his chin and put his fists on his hips.

"You're not twelve anymore," Jasnah said, swatting in his direction."And besides, need I remind you your own brother was a Radiant, right under your nose, for months, and you didn't even realize until he volunteered the information?"

Adolin deflated.After a moment, he looked back up at her."And what about you?How long had you been keeping this from us?"

Jasnah looked back down at the table, chewing her lip."Since the night Father died," she whispered.

Dalinar's eyes widened."That long?"

She nodded."I still wonder if it was connected.I fell into Shadesmar and Ivory seemed to be attacking me, and that was when we formed our bond, though I only realized that later.Right after I came back to the palace, I heard the shouting from the assassin's attack."

She and Dalinar shared a long gaze before she broke away.

Nomon was just peeking above the horizon, adding a blue cast to the room.They seemed to collectively take this as a sign that it had grown late enough they should go.Jasnah cleared her throat and made her voice firm."Well, it's clear identifying Radiants isn't as simple as one might think, and the process is often upsetting for many of the people going through it.I'll compile a document more extensively detailing signs to look out for.That should be useful to us as well as your nascent coalition."


	4. This Man Drives Me To Reach For The Lowest Insults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah encounters someone she already had a hard time getting rid of once.

Give the late hour, Jasnah had hoped to avoid getting delayed by anyone while on her way to the lower levels.To her frustration, the empty halls only made the figure walking the opposite direction in the hall all the more obvious as he approached.

She fixed her eyes on the wall away from Meridas Amaram and walked at the outside edge of the hall, but his path curved toward her and he grabbed her arm as she passed, jerking her to a halt.

Her voice was low and venomous. "I haven't tried soulcasting by touching the target with my elbow, but I think it would be a worthwhile experiment.For scholarly purposes." She looked pointedly at his hand.

He pulled his hand away from her. "Jasnah, why are you so much more hostile to me than before?"

"Before I only suspected your true character. Now I have confirmation," she hissed.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know how you got your Shardblade."

He stood up taller, indignant. "It was for the good of the kingdom!"

"You keep trying to justify your terrible behavior. That only makes it worse."

A muscle in his jaw flexed."What would you have me do?"

"For a start, apologize to the man who's now head of the Order of Windrunners."

"He'd never forgive me."

"And you don't think he should. You know what you did was wrong."

He turned half away from her, then back."That boy wouldn't speak to me."

"He's more of a man than you are, so he might."

Amaram growled.

_This man drives me to reach for the lowest insults._

Amaram's eyes were hard."What good would it do?"

"It would be one step toward you not being a waste of flesh."

Amaram's fists clenched, then he visibly made himself release them."And then what?Give him back the Blade he won?He didn't even want it, you know.He was going to give it to some lowly report of his."

Jasnah shook her head."You miss the point so thoroughly, it's like you're aiming the other direction entirely."

Amaram took a long slow breath."Why are you so set on taking that boy's side?"

She raised one eyebrow at him."Perhaps because he's shown more honor than the entire Alethi court combined, excluding perhaps my uncle. Especially if we include you, since you make a negative contribution."

"Fine," he spat."Defend your pet darkeyes and his band of fellow slaves.You only debase yourself by association."

"And you don't need to associate with anyone to debase yourself.Tell me, Meridas, why hasn't a spren selected _you_ to bond with?"

His lip twitched and he stalked off.

_I may have made things worse.I really should control myself more._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the book, Amaram comes to see Jasnah in the basement right before the expedition to Kholinar leaves. I've moved it just a bit earlier.


	5. Better If I Could Manage Some Sort Of Slime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin and Jasnah talk about Amaram.

Kaladin was so drained from a full day of training squires and potential recruits that he considered rescheduling his interview session with Jasnah.Why had he agreed to meet this late in the first place? 

He found her in the same room as before, and as soon as she saw him, she said, "We can keep this session short if you'd prefer."

He smiled."Is it that obvious how tired I am?"

"You hadn't noticed the exhaustionspren trailing you?"

He looked behind him."Apparently I was too tired to."He plopped into a seat, then studied her."Is something the matter, Brightness?"

*

Jasnah ground her teeth."I ran into our friend Meridas on my way here."

A muscle in Kaladin's jaw flexed.

"Second time in as many days I've had to get rid of him."

"Of course he wouldn't have the decency to leave when he's not wanted," Kaladin growled.

Jasnah shook her head."He calls himself honorable, and then when I tell him to leave, he grabs my arm instead. Disgusting man."

Kaladin's hands clenched into fists. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to defend your honor."

She smiled her favorite intimidation smile."Oh, don't worry, I can defend my own honor just fine."

He cocked his head."What did you do? It sounds like Elsecallers have some pretty dangerous abilities."

"I insulted him to the point of bad taste and lack of restraint, then threatened to Soulcast him." She sighed and pursed her lips. 

Kaladin smiled. "Well, I'd prefer something more painful for him, but at least he'd be gone."

Jasnah nodded."I was debating what to Soulcast him to.Tar is simple, and that would be appropriate.Better if I could manage some sort of slime, but I'm not as good with water-based essences."

He chuckled."Soulcasters can make fire, right? What if you just set all his clothing on fire?"

"That would be an excellent choice.Burns are exceedingly painful.The problem there is that Soulcasting doesn't _set_ things on fire, it _turns_ things _into_ fire, so applying that to his clothing would mean seeing him naked, something I would strenuously prefer to avoid."

Kaladin started laughing.

Jasnah put on her best serious scholarly face."Turning just his clothing to tar, though, and then making just enough fire to ignite the tar would stick the flames to him and provide a reliable fuel source, which would be nearly impossible to escape.We'd probably get several good long minutes of agony out of him before it finished him off."

He only laughed more as she spoke, and by the time she finished talking, he was shaking with mirth, his head tilted back and tears glittering in his eyes. She couldn't help but join in, and soon they were both laughing helplessly.

Jasnah managed to get herself under control first.

He caught her eye and schooled his expression with obvious difficulty, taking a slow breath before speaking. "We probably shouldn't be joking around about killing an acting highprince, should we?"

Her lips twitched as she kept herself from laughing again."As long as no one hears us, I can't find reason to object.Nor do I feel guilty."

"No, I don't feel guilty."He looked far more relaxed than when he'd come in.

"You've thought about killing him too, haven't you?"

Kaladin grunted. "Thought about it. Syl talked me out of it."

"Your honorspren does hold you to high standards. Though personally, I wouldn't think any worse of you. You didn't happen to be the one who killed Sadeas, did you?"

"No. I suppose it's caused trouble, but I can't fault whoever did it."

"I feel the same way. In that sense, I think my cousin was an excellent choice for the investigation. He's a good figurehead, but he's unlikely to actually find the culprit."

"Why don't you think he'll succeed?"

She sighed."My cousin, like his mother, is a good person, but not the brightest sphere in the lamp."

Kaladin raised his eyebrows."Adolin is a good man.Did you know he locked himself in jail too while I was imprisoned?Only one who stood up for me, as far as I knew.Restored a little of my faith in lighteyes."He looked up sharply, fear in his eyes. "Sorry, Brightness."

"Fortunately my heresy comes with not accepting the Vorin assertion of the superiority of lighteyes.I can't blame you for being disenchanted, given your experiences.Amaram's fixation on eye color is another reason I've long thought poorly of him.I'm not surprised he would take advantage of his darkeyed soldiers, though I am still shocked at the depth of his betrayal."

"That's...refreshing to hear coming from you."

She nodded and picked up her reed pen."At any rate, the topics I'd planned to cover were recruitment and combat applications of Lashings."

*

Kaladin blew air through his lips."I'd love to know more about recruitment myself."

Jasnah tapped a finger."That's unfortunate since Windrunners can have an increased number of squires."

He grimaced."I know.I'm working on it."He went over what little he'd discovered, and then they moved on to his use of his abilities in combat, which were so far fairly limited. 

Now that he was sitting, he was growing so tired he felt heavy all over, even holding a little Stormlight, so when he finished talking about the Duel of Six Shardbearers, it didn't occur to him to hold back a bitter mention of the king throwing him into jail after the duel.

"It was Elhokar who threw you in jail?For demanding justice?I'm tempted to go box his ears.King or not, he's still my little brother."

Kaladin's chest tightened as a memory came to him that he hadn't thought about in a very long time. In one of her rare moments of anger, Kaladin's mother had boxed Tien's ear once when he was very young, and Kaladin had tried to defend him.They'd both wound up curled up on Hesina's lap sniffling.

"What's the matter?I rather expected you to be amused at the idea of me doing something so puerile to Elhokar."

"Is there anything else you require this evening, Brightness?" he asked, voice as level as he could make it, eyes fixed on the table.

"I...no.I've gone and kept you late again when you were already tired to begin with."

He stood, nodded without making eye contact, and walked out.


	6. You Ask Him Many Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah and Kaladin have conversations with their spren.

Jasnah made her way back up to her rooms feeling slightly guilty. What had troubled Kaladin so much?

Ivory clung to her collar, small enough to be invisible to anyone who wasn't looking."You ask him many questions."

She shifted her papers in her hands."He's more cooperative than the other Radiants.I can actually get useful answers out of him."

"You could get more answers from Shallan, yet you do not."

"Shallan is...Shallan."Jasnah had asked her ward to write up a summary of her findings about her skills, and doubted she'd get it."Yes, I'm sure the girl can do more than she's letting on, but getting her to talk about it would require some approach I haven't yet found.She's young and has a lot of feelings to sort through.I suppose some women help their wards with that kind of thing, but that's not really my strength.I'd rather give her time to sort through more of it on her own."That was an excuse.She _should_ get more out of Shallan.

She was approaching a guard patrolling the hall and both she and Ivory fell silent.

Jasnah's interview with Dalinar had been brief. His bond with the Stormfather was straightforward and recent, and he didn't know much about his abilities.Given that the number of Bondsmiths was extremely limited, there wasn't much recruitment potential either.

Renarin was avoiding her.Something was going on with him, but he wouldn't tell her what.She had some theories, but they'd take time to investigate.Maybe she could yet coax more out of him.

When they were out of earshot, Ivory continued."Other scholars could do this task.You delegate other things.Why not this?"

"The only other scholar I know of with experience being a Radiant is Shallan.I'm sure I'd get some nice sketches of the captain scowling, but I doubt any useful notes." Jasnah realized she was bending the papers she was carrying and hastily straightened them.

***

Kaladin strode briskly toward the barracks.

Syl sat on his shoulder."That's the most I've seen you laugh in a long time."

"I was tired. It was late."

"You've been up late and tired plenty of times and not laughed like that."

He grunted.

"You could offer to take her flying.I bet she'd like that."

"Syl, stop trying to push me toward lighteyed women.It's not going to go well."

"How do you know unless you try?"

"This isn't even a question.Just stop, all right?"


	7. They Only Grow In Northern Alethkar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah, Shallan, Kaladin, and Adolin eat fruit and banter.

Jasnah was going over books with Shallan that she should read and take notes on when Kaladin showed up with a sheaf of papers, which he held out to her."Navani asked me to bring you these since I was coming this way anyway."

"Thank you, Captain."Jasnah took the stack.

Kaladin still held something in his other hand.Shallan craned her neck looking toward it."What's in the bag?"

"Eliafruit.Would you like some?" He held out the sack which contained maybe a dozen of the small green fruit."You probably want to remove the outside.It's not very a- _peel_ -ing." He gave her a sly look.

Taking one of the fruits, Shallan let out a sound half way between a sigh and a groan.

"What? Come on, that was pretty good."

"It was. I have to give you full credit for that one, bridgeboy."

He held the bag out toward Jasnah. She released the tight grip she'd had on the papers and took a fruit. 

Shallan was still turning hers over in her hands."I think peeling this is a two-handed task."She held it toward Kaladin, expectantly.

Jasnah put the fruit to her nose and breathed in deeply. Tart-sweet, fresh, perfectly ripe. _I haven't had one of these since before I wore a safehand sleeve. No wonder I don't remember having trouble with the skin_. She handed her fruit back to Kaladin as well.

He sighed and started peeling.

Adolin came in from the hall and joined them, sitting next to Kaladin."Peeling fruit for the ladies?"

Kaladin just glared at him. 

"What? Don't I get one?" Adolin said.

Kaladin sighed and held the bag toward Adolin as well."You have to peel it yourself, though, princeling."

Kaladin looked back at Shallan."That sleeved hand gets you out of a lot of work, doesn't it?"

"Have you tried doing anything with one hand in a sleeve?It takes skill!"

Kaladin tilted his head. "Well, I think there was one time my uniform shirt sleeve was inside out and I didn't notice until my arm was stuck, but otherwise, no, I don't think I've tried doing anything with my hand inside a sleeve."

Adolin snorted and the others smiled.

Kaladin pulled out his side knife and made quick work of the rest of the peel."I think you could manage this with a sleeved hand if you had a knife.You should carry a knife, you know.They're quite useful."

"For stabbing people," Shallan said.

Adolin shifted uncomfortably."Knives are useful for far more than stabbing."He said it defensively. _Too much of a reaction to a flippant remark. What is that about?_

"Jabbing, slicing, cutting...all very unladylike." Shallan gave Adolin a disapproving look.

Adolin leaned toward her."You have a _Shardblade_."

"Yes, and I'm not about to try peeling a fruit with it.That would be terribly impractical for a variety of reasons.At the very least, it would take two cuts to get any pieces off."

"I certainly wouldn't be cutting toward my thumb like this.Besides, I think Syl would call it too undignified and not play along."Kaladin handed the first peeled fruit to Shallan."I'm surprised you haven't had one of these.Don't lighteyes get their pick of food?"

Shallan took the fruit and sniffed it."Maybe they don't grow in Jah Keved."

"I believe they only grow in northern Alethkar," Jasnah said.

Adolin cocked his head. "Then why haven't I heard of them?"

"We only got them at the palace a few times," Jasnah said."You may have been off at war when they came in."

Kaladin handed a second peeled fruit to Jasnah."I used to take these off a neighbor's tree when I was a boy."

Adolin raised an eyebrow at him."Were you stealing fruit, bridgeboy?"

"The neighbor only cursed at us a little when he caught us, so I'm not sure it quite counts as _stealing._ We figured he wasn't going to climb up and get the high ones anyway."

"Us? You had a partner in crime?" Jasnah asked.

Kaladin shook his head and looked at the table."It doesn't matter."

_Definitely something behind that._


	8. We're All Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah and Kaladin discuss how they're broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kept getting stumped on how these next few chapters should go, then going to work on later chapters instead. So, bad news is it took longer to get this chapter done. Good news, you get a bunch of chapters now, plus I've got progress on some later parts, so they'll be up faster as I get to them.

Kaladin smelled food while he was still walking down the hallway. Reaching the door, he saw a small feast laid out on the table.

"Since I have a habit of keeping you late, I thought it only fair to give you dinner." Jasnah sat in her usual chair, reed pen in hand.

He drew his eyebrows together and sat. "Thank you." He'd figured he would just have to hope there was still stew left by the time he got back.

Jasnah wore a sapphire blue havah and a matching ornament in her hair, more of her hair free from braids than usual, tumbling over her shoulders. She watched him, saying nothing. What if he asked her questions instead, for once? "How is your documentation of the other Radiants is going?"

She let out a breath. "Not as well as I might hope. Dalinar is cooperative, but he simply doesn't have as much worth recording yet. As to Shallan...did you know Cryptics are also called liespren?" Jasnah shook her head. "I made Shallan swear not to keep secrets from me, but I'm sure she still is."

Kaladin picked out some breads and meats from the table. "Renarin is being helpful, though, right?"

She rolled her pen in her fingers. "I would have expected so, but he's been avoiding me. I'm not sure whether my worry over him is just a lifetime of habit or if there's really something of concern."

Kaladin swallowed a bite. "You've been worrying about Renarin for a long time?"

Jasnah nodded. "Since he was born, maybe even before that." She paused, chewing on her lip. "Dalinar used to be more distant with them, especially Renarin. Adolin he moulded into his own image as soon as the boy was old enough to hold a wooden sword, but Renarin was never cut out to be a warrior, and Dalinar knew it. He...never showed Renarin much affection, not until the last few years, really. Renarin held onto a surprising loyalty to his father through it all, though it hurt him. He was always such a sweet, sensitive boy."

He wouldn't have expected her to show so much compassion for her cousin, but then, Kaladin seemed to have a lot of misconceptions about her. "I used to think lighteyes all lived easy, comfortable lives free from sorrow," he said, "and I keep being proven wrong. Nobody really has it easy, do they?"

"Not Radiants, certainly."

"You think there's something particular to Radiants?"

She nodded. "I have a hypothesis that the Nahel bond requires a break in the soul. There needs to be a gap for the spren to fill."

"Maybe so. I once asked Syl why she chose me when I was so broken, and she said, 'They were all broken.' "

"Your spren actually remembers bonding Knights before the Recreance?"

Kaladin nodded. "One, anyway."

"That's invaluable. Would it be possible for me to speak with her?"

"Syl?"

Syl obliged, zipping in as a ribbon of light and then taking on her young woman form. As she questioned the spren, Jasnah's anticipation quickly turned to disappointment. Syl didn't remember much about the days before the Recreance, and a lot of what she said didn't make sense. Kaladin was used to Syl saying inscrutable things, but Jasnah was frustrated and tried to get more out of her, which only made Syl more withdrawn. Finally Jasnah thanked her, and Syl zipped off again, this time as leaves. The exchange had at least given Kaladin time to finish most of the food on the table. Had he really been that hungry?

He eyed Jasnah. "So, what about you?"

Jasnah tilted her head. "What about me?"

"We're all broken."

She stared at the table for a long moment. Had he gone beyond what she was willing to answer? Just as he was about to say something to move away from the question, she answered. Her voice, normally so rich and commanding, was soft as she recounted events from her youth. Thinking her mad, her family had locked her away as a child, leaving her trapped in the dark until she screamed herself hoarse.

Kaladin shuddered. "I can hardly think of a worse punishment than being trapped in the dark."

"That is anathema to you, isn't it?"

He nodded. "Those three weeks in jail were nearly too much for me. Even being in the slave wagons was better; at least I was outside in the fresh air."

She looked at him, searching. Again he had the feeling of those keen eyes seeing more of him than he wished. What was she looking for?

*

Jasnah sighed and looked back at her paper. She wouldn't prod that direction again, not right now. "At any rate, I wanted to get the exact wording of your order's Ideals. Do you recall the second Ideal, as you said it?"

Kaladin sat, shoulders tense, expression stormy. " 'I will protect those who cannot protect themselves.' "

"The Lashings came with your second Ideal, correct?"

He nodded.

"And what were the circumstances?"

She got his side of the battle of the Tower. As usual, she had to prompt to get details out of him, particularly how he'd beaten so many Parshendi without knowing about Lashings. He spoke quietly and evenly, without dramatization, but the quality of his actions couldn't help but come through.

"Hearing this makes me even more impressed with your sense of honor."

He smiled and looked at the table, and she caught a hint of pink in his cheeks. "Right before we decided to go back for Dalinar's army, Syl asked whether spren are drawn to things or cause those things, like whether windspren seek wind or create it. That was when she remembered she's honorspren."

"The causality of spren and natural phenomena is a question that has seen a lot of debate over the ages."

"Oh? And what have people come up with?"

That led them to a long digression into scholarly study of spren and related topics. He might not have had training as a scholar, but he asked good questions, and deduced things quickly. He had a sharp mind. For once, it was more like they were speaking as peers, and she preferred it this way. With most people, she found herself impatient with them, waiting for them to catch up to her, disappointed they didn't contribute more to the conversation. She did not feel that way with him.

Jasnah tapped her pen. "I can't help but wonder how much of this knowledge, too, has been suppressed the church in their efforts to discredit the Radiants. It could mean life or death to us now." She huffed, then looked up at him. "You're not bothered I'm a heretic?"

He shrugged. "I've never been that religious, and Dalinar says the Almighty is dead anyway."

"And that doesn't appear to bother you either."

"Well, for a while I thought my life was proof that the Almighty existed, because it couldn't have been that awful by chance."

_Ouch._ "In that case, the Almighty dying might have been a plus for you. If not for this Desolation we're having."

He chuckled. "Never let a little thing like the end of the world get in the way."


	9. Storms, She'd Never Even Understood What Other Women Meant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah gets a flight to the warcamps. Shirtless men on a hot day.

Jasnah leaned her head on her hand. This would be so much easier if she could go to the warcamps in person.

She could. That didn't mean an impractically long journey if a Windrunner could take her between the Oathgate and the camps. They'd been going out to the Shattered Plains to train; they'd already be there.

After fending off several attendants who tried to accompany her - the ones in Urithiru hadn't given up on that kind of thing yet - she made her way out to the Oathgate to Narak and used Ivory to transport herself as well as others on both sides who'd been waiting for whatever Radiant showed up next. She could only imagine her mother's annoyance at this logistical bottleneck.

After the perpetual chill of Urithiru, the warm day at the Plains was something of a shock. As the small crowd made its way out of the control building, Jasnah scanned the area looking for someone to get her to the warcamps. Dozens of soldiers trained on the ground, and maybe a dozen were high up in the air flying in a variety of intricate formations. Many of them had removed their uniform jackets, and some their shirts as well, in the heat. In a group nearby she spotted Renarin, so she made his way toward him. As she approached, a large Horneater tending a cauldron made an odd salute as he bowed to her.

She gave a small wave to her cousin, who was still some distance away but walking toward her. She addressed the Horneater who'd bowed to her. "You're one of Captain Kaladin's squires?"

"I am cook, not fighter, but I follow Captain Stormblessed."

"I need one of the Windrunners to transport me to the warcamps."

"Everyone who can fly is already in the air, but they will be back soon. Is almost lunch time! In meanwhile, have some shiki." He held out a cup of some kind of light brown liquid.

She hesitated, then took the cup. It was very unlikely to be poisoned. She sipped. It wasn't half bad.

Renarin arrived but he didn't want to be drawn into a conversation, so she talked to others as the men on the ground started filtering back. They spoke of their captain with a religious level of reverence. Many of their number from the original bridge crew would have been left for dead except for Kaladin saving them, often at great risk to himself.

Overhead, two men, both shirtless, sparred with practice spears. One of them got thrown toward the ground and almost hit. Jasnah started. That was Kaladin. He quickly righted himself and went back up toward the other man, who was tall and had conspicuously long arms. Kaladin twisted mid-air and knocked the other man's spear away, then hit him with an open-handed strike that sent him flying off toward the ground in the opposite direction.

"You get 'em, Drehy!" called a wiry man standing next to her.

She glanced at the man, raising an eyebrow.

"None of us can really give Kaladin a challenge normally, so it's nice to see Drehy getting better."

Jasnah turned her gaze back to the skies. They must be practicing Lashing each other. She watched their exchanges for several more rounds, transfixed. Kaladin's sparring partner--Drehy, apparently--was good, but he didn't come close to matching the ease and grace with which Kaladin moved in the air.

After a particularly vicious knock that almost sent him to the ground, Drehy came back up, glowing with Stormlight even in the bright sun. He came in with a flurry of strikes. Kaladin blocked with remarkable fluidity and speed, then Lashed himself out of range. Drehy followed almost immediately, feinted to one side, then _kicked_ Kaladin. Instead of going in the direction of the kick, Kaladin went downward, hard, and struck the stone near them with a nasty meaty crunch.

Jasnah reflexively pulled out her pouch of spheres and ran over to him, holding the pouch out. "Do you need Stormlight?"

He groaned but sucked in Light, wincing as he did so. Broken ribs visibly mended under his skin. A deep scrape on his side closed up, though the scars on top of it remained. "I seem to make a habit of running out of Stormlight at the worst times."

"Is there any _good_ time to run out?" Jasnah asked.

"Well, there are bad times and worse times."

"True. Winding up inconveniently tired is much better than being slammed into the ground like a tough chunk of pork."

Kaladin laughed, then winced.

Drehy landed only a few feet away, grimacing. "Sorry, sir."

"Good use of Lashing," Kaladin said, voice strained. "Maybe a bit hard for sparring." Blood seeped from under his back as well as his head.

"Sorry." Drehy looked at the ground, sheepish.

Kaladin made his way to his feet, grimacing. He seemed to be deliberately _not_ looking at Jasnah. "Brightness, if I'd known you were coming, I'd have been in uniform and presentable." He squeezed several drops of blood out of his hair, as if to make the point.

"I have spent my life around soldiers training. It's not an issue," Jasnah said. Kaladin had turned far enough she could see his partially healed back, lines and patches of red fading over his smooth tan skin and solid muscles.

She looked back at his face and cleared her throat. "At any rate, I am in need of transport to the war camps by one of your Windrunners."

Kaladin seemed tense - well, more tense than usual. Maybe that was only the fall he'd just taken. When he did meet her eyes, his usual intensity had an extra edge. "I'll take you myself, Brightness. None of the others have really had much practice Lashing other people." He shot a look at Drehy. "Not for transportation, anyway."

She nodded. "Are you ready to leave now?"

Kaladin shrugged. "Sure."

He touched her shoulder and she had that lurch in her stomach as they left the ground, falling upward and westward. She swallowed hard, arms tight against her sides, hands balled into fists. She'd worn messenger's clothing in anticipation of the trip, and the panels of her split skirt flapped as the wind picked up. She looked down with wide eyes, transfixed as the Shattered Plains spread out below her, perspective expanding by the second. She'd seen Shallan's map of the plains, of course, but it was nothing like seeing it with her own eyes. Breath catching, she looked over at Kaladin, who, if anything, looked more relaxed up here.

"Does this view ever get old?" she asked.

He smiled. "Not yet."

The air distorted around him and it took her a moment to realize that windspren were drawn to them - both of them, but far more around Kaladin. They danced and swirled with his movements, practically an extension of him.

"You're going to try this in front of a highstorm, correct?" she called.

He spoke loudly, and it was still barely audible. "Above, not in front of. No sense risking going through the stormwall."

"But then you won't be able to see where you are," she shouted back.

Kaladin moved closer to her. She couldn't tell what he was actually doing with his own Lashings, but it looked more like he was simply moving by shaping the wind. "I've been thinking about that. I'll try dropping down to check the landscape. I need to figure out how far behind the stormwall I can still draw Stormlight. This is why I want to practice with another Radiant, just in case: too many unknowns."

He was going to Thaylen City with the next highstorm to open their Oathgate. With Shallan. Jasnah clenched her teeth. "Do you think it's likely you'll drop someone?"

"No, but I'd rather not take chances." He was close enough she could have reached out and touched him, and he was looking her up and down. "Are you uncomfortable up here?"

She made herself release her fists and the tension in her arms, and found that, now that she'd gotten used to it, she was comfortable. "No. I think I like it."

He smiled broadly. "Good." His voice grew more serious. "I want you to always feel safe in the sky with me."

They flew in silence for a few minutes, until Jasnah started experimenting with turning herself using the wind. She managed to get herself face up, sun in her eyes, before Kaladin spoke. "Not bad. Try using your shoulders like this..."

He demonstrated, muscles moving in fine coordination under his skin. She imitated his movements, and it sort of worked, though not as well as it had for him. He showed her several more tricks for using the air, and she found herself distracted with the way light and shadows played over him as he moved and turned, accenting his fine musculature. He had a lot of scars. Not as many as her uncle, but then again, Dalinar had had decades more to acquire them.

Was she really staring at Kaladin's body? This never happened to her. Storms, she'd never even understood what other women meant when they said they got distracted looking at shirtless men.

*

Kaladin watched Jasnah try to copy what he'd just shown her. "You're doing well," he called. Especially considering she likely hadn't done any sort of martial art before. Lighteyed ladies didn't even do any sort of physical training, did they? Was there some secret one-handed kata he'd never heard about?

She looked over at him and smiled a beautiful broad smile. Her eyes practically glowed in the sunlight, that striking violet color, and piercingly perceptive. And was she...watching him?

They were already near the warcamps. That was quicker than he expected. He could have flown with her for hours. With a sigh, Kaladin brought them down at the edge of Thanadal's crater, as she'd requested. "How long do you need to be in the warcamps? I assume you'll need transportation back as well."

"Yes. Come back in three hours, please."

Kaladin nodded and took to the air. He could get in a couple more hours of training before coming back for her.

He'd gotten most of the way back when a voice sounded half in his mind. "You're nice to her." Syl danced in the air beside Kaladin, playing with her windspren cousins as he flew back to Narak.

"And I'm not nice to other people?"

"You show more deference to her than you ever have to her brother, who is actually king."

Kaladin grunted. "Maybe she fits my idea of royalty better."

"I thought you hated lighteyes, especially the highborn ones."

"I do." Kaladin adjusted the angle of his Lashing slightly now that he could make out where Rock was serving lunch.

"You don't seem to hate _her_."

"Syl, I know what you're trying to do, and it's still not going to work."

She flew in front of him and stuck her tongue out at him, then zipped away again.

***

Jasnah shook her head at herself. He'd even _smelled_ good. Sweaty men _never_ smelled good. What had gotten into her?

Jasnah's estimate of three hours turned out to be accurate, so she only waited a few minutes before spotting Kaladin in the air. He was cleaner and back in his full uniform. She found herself surprisingly disappointed, though his long captain's coat flapping in the wind did look dramatic.

"Got what you wanted?" he asked as he reached the ground.

 _Why that question?_ She straightened. "As much as I expected to here."

Jasnah was much more relaxed getting into the air this time, enjoying it right from the beginning. The shadows were longer now, some of the northern camps already in the shade of the hills.

"Why do honorspren look so much like windspren?" Jasnah mused.

Kaladin came closer. "Syl once said the 'winds are of honor' as if it were something terribly obvious. Also something about forming new honorspren from bits of the wind. Syl, you have anything to add?"

The small blue figured appeared in front of them. "Sometimes things are too transparent to see," she said, and disappeared again.

Kaladin sighed. "Sometimes she says things that are completely inscrutable," he said, mimicking Syl's tone.

Jasnah smiled. "Spren have a different sort of consciousness than we do."

"I suppose they must."

Jasnah turned side to side in the air, looking off to the horizons. "Why did the Stormfather become Honor's shadow? Why not something else? Is there some connection between Honor and the storms, or did the former Almighty simply choose the most powerful spren on Roshar to further shape?"

*

Their discussion went on like that, just the two of them speculating, though she had far more knowledge to back up her speculation. Kaladin liked it better when it was less like her grilling him, and more like two people having a conversation they were both interested in.

Falling lower so he could keep an eye on Jasnah, Kaladin turned over to face back toward the warcamps, catching as much of the late afternoon sun as possible. The warm day had been nice.

They arrived back at Narak. Jasnah lingered a moment before striding toward the Oathgate. Kaladin watched her all the way up until she summoned her long silver Blade, worked the controls, and disappeared in a ring of fire.

"She was the only one besides my mother who didn't tell me to stop crying, you know."

Kaladin jumped. He hadn't noticed Renarin standing right next to him. The younger prince was like that, though.

Kaladin raised an eyebrow. "She did mention worrying about you."

Renarin nodded. "She stuck up for me when the other children mocked me. She'd let me cry on her shoulder for as long as I needed. People think she's cold, but she's really not."

Kaladin opened his mouth to say something but stopped. What was he going to ask about? If that extended to her love life? She was famous for turning down every suitor out of a huge set of possibilities. He shouldn't even think about her, not that way.

No, this was yet another thing Kaladin could not have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anybody with more direct experience wants to comment on my portrayal of demisexuality, I'd be happy to hear what you think. I'm going off descriptions I've read on the internet + a few offhand comments from an ace friend.


	10. You Talk About Surgebinding For Hours? Just The Two Of You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin takes Shallan to Thaylen City to open the Oathgate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin flies Shallan to Thaylen City as a test of flying people over a highstorm as well as to open the Oathgate. This occurs just a few days (one highstorm) before the mission to Kholinar.

Kaladin and Shallan stood in the growing wind, waiting for the stormwall.

Shallan had her hands behind her back and rocked between her heels and toes. "You have been spending a lot of time with Brightness Jasnah."

He grunted. "She's got a lot of questions about Windrunners."

"And that's all? You talk about Surgebinding for hours? Just the two of you?"

Kaladin scowled. "Yes. What else would it be?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Shallan rocked back and forth again. "Did you hear how she soulcast several criminals in Kharbranth? She just took us to a dark alley, waited for some known miscreants to try to rob us or worse, then turned one to fire, another to quartz, and two to smoke. I had a moral crisis from watching it. I couldn't get the image of them out of my mind for days."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"No reason."

He glared at her.

The stormwall was almost upon them. It was time to take them above the storm - more out than up from Urithiru - and it grew too loud to talk, which was fine with Kaladin.

A couple of hours later, after going down to check their position several times, they neared their destination. He'd deliberately let them fall well behind the stormwall so they could have a gentler descent, and to test how far behind the front of the storm he could be and still draw Stormlight from it. Thaylen City spread out below them, bustling and varied. The Oathgate platform wasn't hard to identify.

Shallan's voice just barely carried over the wind. "I'm surprised she hasn't eaten you alive, though I suppose you both have lethal glares."

Kaladin snapped his head around to look at her. "What!?"

"Nothing, nothing."

He glared at her.

"Yes, like that."

Kaladin gritted his teeth and took them toward the Oathgate control building.


	11. Stonestance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin gets some sword practice from Adolin and thinks about what he doesn't want to tell Jasnah.

Kaladin swung Syl in blunted Blade form, narrowly blocking Adolin's strike.

"Better!" the princeling said.

Adolin had come out to the Plains with Elhokar so the three of them could discuss last minute preparations for Kholinar, and Adolin had stayed on to give Kaladin some sword practice.

"In a real fight, I'd have had Syl become a shield."

"But you won't be able to judge when a sword is the right weapon unless you get comfortable using it. So, just stick with the sword for now."

Kaladin sighed and settled back into stonestance, as Adolin insisted. He still found the sword awkward, but it wasn't just that. He was meeting with Jasnah that evening and was already anxious about it. On the one hand, he looked forward to seeing her. On the other, he knew she was going to ask about the circumstances of his third Ideal soon. They'd already brushed up against the edges of it more than once. Last session they'd all but cut off right before talking about it.

Kaladin blocked Adolin's next strike and made a quick return swing.

"That wasn't really stonestance," Adolin said. "The angle should be more like this," he continue, demonstrating.

Kaladin's mind was still elsewhere. What could he tell her? _I was involved in a plan to assassinate your brother and only barely realized I couldn't go through with it in time to stop it, and Elhokar still got stabbed and lost enough blood he had to rest for weeks. Oh, and I also gave a full set of Shards to a man who's probably an enemy of the state now._ How could he ever admit that to her? She would hate him if she found out - hate him the same way he hated everyone even partly responsible for Tien's death. She might even try to have him punished somehow, or worse, do it herself. He couldn't help remembering what Shallan had said about Jasnah transforming some common criminals. An angry soulcaster was a terrifying prospect. What happened to a human being who was soulcast to some essence?

Maybe he was worrying too much about this. He'd rather not take the chance, though.

Kaladin tried a few more swings for form, Adolin giving him subtle corrections. They set up for another round of sparring.

Jasnah would to try to pry something about the circumstances out of him. Of course she would. Surely he could just...not tell her. She was sharp, though. She'd dig. She might figure it out.

She'd probably be too busy to dig. They had to be getting near done with whatever documentation she wanted, didn't they? And after that, they likely wouldn't wind up interacting often. She probably wouldn't think of him much.

With a growl, Kaladin swung at Adolin, who stumbled backward from the force of the blow.

"I said using Stormlight was cheating!"

Kaladin grunted. "I wasn't using Stormlight. Stonestance is supposed to use hard hits, right?"

"Well, yes, but--"

Kaladin came in for another series of heavy downward strikes.

 _Besides_ crack _I'm going_ crack _going_ crack _to Kholinar_ crack _in two days_ crack

The blows drove Adolin down to one knee. "Storms, bridgeboy, what's gotten into you today?"


	12. The Light Of Salas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah gets to the most uncomfortable questions about Kaladin's past. They go somewhere Kaladin can feel the wind and see the sky.

When Kaladin entered the room, Jasnah was writing on a page that didn't look like her usual notes. He couldn't read any of it, of course, but it had lines and looked like it used some particular spatial arrangement.

She started as soon as he sat down. "You learned to fly with Lashings right before being thrown in jail?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Did you make a timeline for me?"

"Yes. I wanted to know how long all this took."

Kaladin shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"So you fell into the chasm _after_ learning Lashings?"

He nodded, stomach sinking.

"You must have been quite determined not to reveal your abilities. I heard you walked back on the chasm floors, even staying out through a highstorm."

"Shallan told you the story?"

"Yes."

He took a long time to answer. "I lost my abilities for a while."

She cocked her head. "Really? How did that happen?"

The problem was, the way he'd lost his powers and nearly killed Syl _was_ important, and he _should_ tell her. He couldn't, though. How much could he say without getting too close to the dangerous truth? It had to be enough to keep her from looking too much further. He took a deep breath and pressed his lips together. "If you break your oaths, it can kill your spren. Syl said afterward, 'I was only as dead as your oaths.' Fortunately, I managed to make up for it. Saying the third Ideal brought her back."

She leaned forward. "What did you do that counted as breaking your oaths?"

He kept his eyes on the table. "I'd really prefer not to tell you about that."

"I can keep the record confidential--"

"Please don't ask me to tell you, and please don't dig into it. Suffice to say I very nearly did something incredibly stupid and I feel horrible about it."

She arched an eyebrow at him. "All right. Though I remain curious if you're ever willing to share."

He nodded. "Be assured that I learned my lesson and I won't make the same mistake again."

She scratched something on her paper. "What was the third Ideal, as closely as you recall?"

He smiled wryly. "Oh, I remember it clearly. 'I will protect even those I hate, so long as it is right.' "

She stared into him for a long moment, then her eyes fell back to her paper. "You only got your Blade at the third Ideal, correct?"

He nodded curtly.

"That means you killed a chasm fiend, almost singlehandedly, with nothing but a Shardblade."

"It did nearly eat me in the process. Got one of my legs torn up enough I couldn't really use it. I was lucky I didn't lose it, considering I couldn't heal with Stormlight at the time."

Her eyes were distant for a moment before she spoke. "You mentioned earlier that your father told you that sometimes you have to amputate a limb to save the patient. Was your father a surgeon?"

Kaladin nodded.

"And you trained as his apprentice?"

He nodded again. _Does she have to dig into me like this?_

"That would have made you exempt from conscription, so you must have wanted to join the army."

 _Storming woman._ He ground his teeth. "Is this relevant to your scholarship?"

"No, I suppose it's not." She sat up straighter, though she wasn't slouching to begin with.

Kaladin stood up and paced. The walls were too close. "Could we go somewhere that's not so deep underground? I feel like I'm suffocating down here."

*

Jasnah watched him prowl the room, an animal who couldn't stand being caged. "I should have thought of this sooner," she said. "Of course you wouldn't like it here. You hate being away from the wind, don't you?"

His eyes flicked up to her and he nodded.

She stood and gathered her things. "There's a room on the eastern side that has a balcony and only one entrance from the tower."

Some of the tension eased from him. "Why meet way down here in the first place?"

"Rooms with more external openings are more vulnerable to both eavesdropping and assassins."

She led the way out, and for a while they walked in silence. She didn't like having conversations in open hallways, but this wasn't likely to contain anything too sensitive.

"We didn't finish going over combat uses of your abilities. I've heard you killed the Assassin in White, and during the clash of the Everstorm with a highstorm at that. How did that work?"

He went into a lot of technical details about how he'd used Lashings and the wind, as well as drawing Stormlight directly from the highstorm, and they speculated on other applications. They arrived at the room she had in mind and she scratched out notes.

Kaladin leaned his hands on the railing, hair stirred by wind she couldn't perceive. Jasnah sat in silence for several more moments before speaking quietly. "Thank you for destroying my father's murderer."

*

Kaladin scrutinized her. She looked...smaller than usual. "Does it feel like justice, knowing he's dead? Does it make you feel any better?"

"Yes and no. At least he's not still out there, waiting to kill me or someone else I love."

 _Rooms with more external openings are more vulnerable to both eavesdropping and assassins._ "You really do worry about assassins a lot, don't you?"

"I've spent my whole life with people trying to kill my family. One of my earliest memories is of an arrow narrowly missing my father's head. In Kholinar I contacted every assassin I could identify and told them that if anyone hired them for a hit on my family, I'd match the price in exchange for the name of the one that ordered it - and my father got assassinated anyway."

They only had a few spheres besides the light of Salas. In the violet cast, her eyes stood out all the more against the dim background, accented further by her havah in the same color. He couldn't look away. He'd have thought she'd want to keep talking, but she said nothing. Instead she seemed to be looking for something in him, and seeing more than he was comfortable with, as she so often did.

Kaladin took a deep breath. "My little brother got drafted. I joined to try to protect him."

She spoke very softly, very gently. "Since you said try, I take it that didn't go as hoped."

"Only a few month later I watched him die."

"I'm sorry." She said it almost in a whisper.

"It's been almost five years. You'd think it wouldn't get to me so much by now."

"It doesn't really stop hurting, though, does it?"

He looked up at her. "Before you made it sound like you were over your father's death."

"I make myself keep going, and I try to rationally prioritize my actions. But no, the pain has never gone away. I still get flashes sometimes, seeing him impaled on a broken beam."

"I still see Tien getting cut down by a lighteyes on a horse. Maybe that's part of why I don't like horses."

She gave him a sad smile but said nothing.

"You were close to your father, I take it?"

She nodded. "He was a remarkably good man. He inspired loyalty in men who otherwise would never serve any but themselves." She paused. "And you clearly cared for your little brother."

Kaladin nodded, chest tight. "He could brighten even the darkest day."

"What was he like?" she asked gently.

Haltingly, he told her about Tien. He hadn't told anyone so much - not Bridge Four, not Shallan when they were in the chasm.

After they said good night, as Kaladin walked back to the barracks, he felt more exhausted than after a long day of hard training, yet he did not want to sleep.


	13. Emotionspren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivory makes Jasnah admit she's lying to herself.

Ivory spoke from Jasnah's collar as soon as she was alone in the corridor. "You do not insult or criticize him, and you do not get impatient as you do with nearly everyone else."

Jasnah clicked her tongue. "I have gotten impatient with him, and I only insult and criticize those who deserve it."

"You are like an emotionspren. You seek his intense feelings."

Her head snapped toward him. "I'm doing nothing of the sort."

"You read the hidden truths of others well, yet you miss your own."

Jasnah huffed and walked faster. "You read too much into this." A few paces later, she stopped. "I can lie to myself, but I can't lie to you, can I?"

"It is not logical to lie to me, and less so to lie to yourself."

She sighed and resumed walking. "You're right."

When would she see him again? She'd already stretched out her questioning well past scholarly interest. Maybe she would just...invite him to talk, as peers. Perhaps when he got back from Kholinar. If that went smoothly, it would take a single day. Even if they hit some hitches, how long could it take? A few days? A week, maybe two? Even if Kholinar turned into a siege, they should at least have contact and transportation between the city and Urithiru quickly, and Jasnah would go defend her home as soon as the Oathgate was open. Unless something went terribly wrong, she would see him again before too long.


	14. Dank You Gasnah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah visits Elhokar the night before the Kholinar mission.

Jasnah knocked on the half-open door as she entered, pushing it the rest of the way open without stopping. "Brother, I have some correspondences and reports for you, plus another map showing the outer areas around the palace."

Elhokar was standing behind a table with...a sailor's diving mask on his face?

"Dank you Gasnah," he said.

Jasnah smiled. "You could use a mask that didn't seal around the nose."

He pulled the mask off. "Yes, but I doubt anyone will manage to get me one by tomorrow."

She stepped up closer to him. "Make sure our home is safe, but be careful while you're out there, little brother."

He nodded, eyebrows knitting, lips drawn--the same expression he'd had ever since he was a boy whenever he was trying hard to figure out what to do and feeling unsure of himself. "That's why I'm bringing the hero with me. So he can step in when I screw up."

"The hero?"

"The bridgeman. He always knows what to do."

Jasnah smiled, casting her eyes down.

"He's the one who suggested I abdicate, you know. Back while we were in the warcamps. I was angry at the time but part of me knew he was right. He's always right."

Jasnah looked back up at Elhokar sharply. " _He_ suggested you abdicate? Why?"

"I've been a bad king. He said that to my face too. And then the storming man still risked his life to save me from assassins just a few days later."

She put her hand on Elhokar's elbow. "Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sorry I've been away so much these last years. I suppose I wouldn't have stepped back from the work I was doing trying to prevent the Desolation, but still--I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more."

Elhokar sighed. "It would have been nice to have your counsel, and your company, but now that I know what you were doing, I wouldn't have asked you to do anything else."

She squeezed his elbow. "Take care of yourself. Hopefully when next we meet, it'll be in the palace in Kholinar, and we can start setting things right again."

Elhokar smiled and squeezed her shoulder in return. "I hope so."


	15. She Just Wanted To Read Without Anyone Bothering Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the mission to Kholinar, Kaladin thinks about Jasnah.

Kaladin walked the streets near the palace as he waited for Shallan to either return or signal him for help. A block from the main gate was a bookstore with a bright green awning. Was this the one Jasnah had told him about hiding in when she was a child? He smiled to think of her as a girl, deciding to sneak off to a bookstore, making her parents and nurses frantic with worry before they found her hours later. She hadn't read anything scandalous; she just wanted to read without anyone bothering her. Even at that age, she cowed the booksellers into believing she was supposed to be there and they should let her go through whatever books she pleased. When her mother finally found her, she even talked Navani into buying a few books.

***

_After Kaladin joins the wall guard_

For his first guard shift, Kaladin patrolled the top of the wall, keeping an eye on the army outside. The men in his unit had spread out across the section. For a little while, he had a stretch to himself.

Syl floated next to him. "If you won't consider the Lightweaver, what about that Elsecaller? You could invite her out to dinner when we get back to Urithiru. That's a thing humans do."

"Jasnah? The king's sister? Syl, we've had this conversation. She's even more of a highborn lighteyes than Shallan, with at least as many of the same problems that come with that."

"She seems to like you, though. And besides, you're a Knight Radiant. No one's out of your league."

Kaladin grunted and marched more briskly.

What _had_ Shallan meant by making him so ugly on the way into the city? Was she just trying too hard, or was it truly malicious? Other times, she seemed genuinely friendly to him. He couldn't make sense of her.

Jasnah was clever too, and funny, but it never felt like she was trying too hard. If anything, Kaladin liked Jasnah's occasional dark humor more. It felt more real, like something he could relate to. He could crack back and forth with Shallan, and it did lighten his mood, but it wasn't what he naturally favored. And besides, he felt like he could tell Jasnah personal things even when he didn't think he was about to die.

Not that this line of thinking mattered, since neither of them was a possibility. Shallan was betrothed to Adolin, and Jasnah probably wasn't interested in romantic involvements at all. And besides, they were both lighteyes.


	16. And Yet It Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah doesn't deal well with the expedition to Kholinar going missing.

Why _had_ they been dark for so long? Jasnah was hard pressed to come up with plausible explanations that didn't involve the expedition party dead or imprisoned.

She forced her attention back to the essay she was writing for Azir. This needed to be good, and she shouldn't take all day about it.

Half a page later, she found herself staring into the distance again, dark images coming to her mind unbidden. _Kaladin hated being caged._

Was she worrying more about him than her brother or cousin? She was worried for her family members, of course, but it was Kaladin who kept coming to her mind.

_Windrunners are extremely valuable in the fight against the Desolation. That's all it is._

"You are using logic to create untruths," Ivory said, a handspan tall, standing next to her paper. "You are not a Lightweaver, and I am not a Cryptic."

Jasnah put her pen down, stood, and paced. "This is foolish."

"And yet it _is_."

***

_After Kholinar falls_

Navani closed her eyes and drew in a breath. Jasnah had made three scribes cry today, and it was barely past lunch.

She put a hand on her daughter's arm. "Jasnah, may I speak with you?"

Jasnah pressed her lips together. "Is it urgent?"

"No, but it's important." She tugged very gently on Jasnah's arm.

"Fine." Jasnah followed her mother to one of the smaller side rooms.

Navani spoke quietly but firmly. "Darling, we're all upset, but don't take it out on the scholars."

Jasnah pursed her lips. "Radiants are extremely hard to kill. There's still some chance they got out."

"I hope to the Heralds that that survival extends to your brother." Navani took both her daughter's arms in her hands and felt her tense. It was always a careful balance, trying to show Jasnah physical affection. "I'm all too familiar with how you feel. I just went through this for you. I can't stand the thought of going through it again for your brother. "

Jasnah nodded sharply. "I keep wondering whether I should have gone too."

"We have no idea what happened there. Your being there might not have helped, and I might have lost you too. We just don't know." When her daughter didn't respond, she went on, "Darling, do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I want to stop this storming Desolation." Jasnah straightened and went back into the main room.

Navani's head fell. _I tried. She never would let me in. I don't know why I expected her to now._

And maybe she was right. Maybe two Radiants would be enough to keep the others alive.


	17. No Idea What They'd Just Agreed To, But By Instinct, He Ran

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin and Jasnah get to team up against a worthy foe. Proper Radiant fight.

[Battle of Thaylen Field. After Dalinar opens the perpendicularity, Kaladin, Shallan, and Adolin come through and join Dalinar. Shortly thereafter, Jasnah comes through the break in the wall right by where they're standing.]

Jasnah walked through the gap in the wall and her heart leapt.

Kaladin.

Shallan. Adolin.

And not Elhokar.

She had mourned her brother - and the others - in a gradual way, as more and more time had passed and it became less and less likely any of the expedition would return. It still wasn't the same as knowing. The grief that had built up over the many weeks crashed down on her all at once, and for several heartbeats, she felt numb all over.

 _Grieve later._ Soldiers in the family had said that, as advice for battle.

Grieve later.

_Focus. There's still a battle going on._

***

[In the book, after Jasnah rescues Shallan, she helps with organizing the defense. I'm diverging from canon at the point she gets Shallan safely to the top of the wall. Instead she decides to help her uncle, since he's fighting an Unmade, and she sees Kaladin fighting Amaram on the way. I'm also not trying to match Kaladin's fight with the Fused blow for blow.]

Kaladin let out a strangled yell as a heavy foot crashed down on his back. Bones snapped, and he could swear he could feel his organs getting crushed. Stormlight healed him enough that he could lift his head, just in time to see another Fused flying toward him, pike out. Oh, storms, he wouldn't have time to--

A spike of quartz appeared from thin air right in front of the Fused, pointed straight at its heart. It tried to stop but couldn't react in time. Its own momentum impaled it.

The spike led down at an angle until it met the ground, where it widened to a solid base. A thin vein of quartz continued out along the ground to...Jasnah Kholin, hand to the ground, streaming with Stormlight.

"It appears you need this," she called, tossing something at him.

A large, infused gem.

Before it hit the ground, he sucked in its Light, the pain of his injuries receding, though it wasn't enough to completely heal him.

Kaladin managed to get to his knees. A howl sounded to the side. Amaram was back on his feet, gem in his chest glowing again, but otherwise his chest was hollow. He only barely looked human.

A Shardblade appeared in each of his hands and he ran at Kaladin swinging. Kaladin raised Syl as a shield, but he didn't see how he could block both of those swings at once. He didn't have the Stormlight to Lash himself out of the way, so he tried diving backward, but his legs still weren't responding right. He knocked back one of Amaram's Blades but the other was still coming for him. Just as the Blade was about to come down on him, a thin wall of bronze appeared just below Amaram's hand, knocking the Blade free of his grip. The Blade puffed to mist inches from Kaladin's face.

Amaram roared and turned toward Jasnah, but she was already forming a line of tar in the air toward him, which widened out into a sheet around the highlord. As the tar fell on Amaram, Jasnah dropped a spark and fire ran across the black mass, engulfing Amaram in flames.

Amaram thrashed, falling to his knees. He let out an inhuman scream and flung his arms outward as both the fire and tar exploded away from him into smoke.

_That seemed like such a good idea._

Blackened flesh curled around the gems jutting out of Amaram's skin, leaving his skeleton visible in patches. His mostly-exposed teeth across his full jaw made the most horrifying grin Kaladin had ever seen. Amaram was far from dead. If anything, he seemed enraged. He stomped the ground with his crystal-encrusted foot, letting out another roar.

"Jasnah, watch out! He can turn the ground--"

Too late. The rock liquefied and Jasnah sank in all the way to mid calf. She yelped, falling over backward, at least from the knee up. She slapped her hand on the ground and a great cloud of smoke blasted away from her as she transformed a large volume of the rock around her.

Kaladin managed to take a few steps closer to her, getting close enough that he could draw in Stormlight from whatever gems she had. He didn't know how much she had and didn't want to leave her short, so he took just enough to get his strength back. He met Jasnah's eyes. She nodded at him, and he nodded back.

Kaladin had no idea what they'd just agreed to, but by instinct, he ran at Amaram, Lashing himself for speed, wielding Syl as a pike pointed right at that pulsing gemheart. Amaram spun toward Kaladin, swinging the one fist still covered in Shardplate. Kaladin's strike connected with the gemheart, but instead of breaking, the blow made Amaram bounce backward - until Amaram connected with the two spikes of bronze coming from the ground behind him. One spike was right behind the tip of Kaladin's pike, and the force of the points from both directions shattered the gemheart. The other spike drove right through Amaram's face.

His Plated fist connected with Kaladin even as Amaram died, throwing Kaladin sideways with a terrible force, shattering him even more thoroughly than his fight with the Fused. His vision went black and he fell into unconsciousness.

When he opened his eyes, he felt his injuries reknitting themselves. Jasnah knelt beside him, holding a pouch of gems. "You do run out of Stormlight at the worst times, don't you?"

He smiled, then winced. "It's not the worst time if you show up right away with more."

She put a hand on his shoulder and spoke quietly. "Everyone is running low, but take as much as you need to heal."

"I have enough now. I'll be fine." His heart kept pounding as their eyes lingered.

Her lips trembled, and then she said, "I have to go help with the city defense." She stood, jaw firm, and turned away sharply, back toward the wall. He watched her go with an ache that was not from his many injuries.


	18. Someone To Help Keep The Darkness Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah has a conversation she's both eager for and afraid of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this scene all written up a while ago, but now that I've written the parts leading up to it, what I had seemed kind of anticlimactic, so I did a pretty significant rewrite of it.
> 
> I don't think the interval between the Battle of Thaylen Field and Jasnah's coronation is explicitly stated, but my impression was that it was probably only a day or two. Dalinar called the meeting to assess where they're at and set Adolin up as king, and instead Jasnah walked out of the meeting with a crown (as seen by Palona, waiting with the people who were annoyed they didn't get to go to Dalinar's meeting).

Jasnah had never sought the throne specifically, but having it did make certain things easier. With a Desolation going on, she could even avoid a lot of the bureaucratic drag that usually came with the throne.

Barely a day after being crowned, Jasnah was already wrapped up in new duties, but she kept finding herself distracted, on edge. She closed her eyes, running her hand over her hair. It wasn't just her new station. She needed to do something about this.

Her meetings were done for the day, at least until a late dinner appointment. She could do something about it now.

She knew where to go. She started walking.

Rubbing her hand on her skirt, she walked briskly. She was _nervous_. That was foolishness. What did she have to be nervous about? Why was she even bothering with this, if it made her so uncomfortable?

She knew why.

She could give reasons that stretched to pages but it wouldn't make any difference. This wasn't about rational justifications, even if there were many. She'd been offered plenty of rational choices before and declined them.

No, this wasn't about reasons. It was about what felt right.

She found Kaladin not far from the Thaylen City Oathgate, speaking with a messenger. They finished just as she walked up to them. The messenger left with a bow, and Kaladin turned toward her.

She stopped a few paces from him. "Captain, may I speak with you privately?"

He looked out at the horizon, toward the sun hanging not far above the water. "Queen Fen asked if I could survey the city and check for roofs that look like they're in imminent danger of collapse, and I won't be able to do that very well in the dark." He looked back at her, scrutinizing. "There's privacy in the sky, if you'd care to accompany me."

She nodded. He touched her shoulder, and they both rose into the air. She marveled again at the wonders of flight.

Kaladin's eyes were distant, and not looking for city damage. "I'm sorry I failed your brother," he said quietly. "And your city."

"Don't blame yourself for that. You did what you could."

"I froze. I should have done better."

"Adolin told me what happened. No, I trust you did everything you could."

Kaladin cleared his throat and pressed his lips together. "At any rate, what was it you wanted to talk about? Amaram used some other abilities before you showed up. I figured you'd want to know about those."

 _Don't get distracted._ "At some point, yes. Right now I have a more personal matter to discuss."

He looked at her with fear in his eyes. _What is he expecting?_

Jasnah swallowed. "I don't really have experience in such matters, so I'm going to be direct. Are you interested in courting?"

Kaladin blinked at her several times, the city below forgotten. "You're queen of Alethkar. I'm a darkeyes with slave brands. That's literally the largest social gap possible."

"Owning a Shardblade by any means makes you technically a lighteyes of the fourth dahn. Besides which, you are head of the Order of Windrunners. That puts you on par with any monarch in the world."

He looked back at her, not saying anything, eyebrows knitted.

More gently, Jasnah said, "Kaladin, I don't want you to agree to court because I'm your queen. It's not an order."

The wind blew his hair across his face, and the late afternoon light gave his features a dramatic cast. "I'm not saying no," he said quietly. "I'm just surprised. I didn't think this was a possibility."

Jasnah swallowed down a lump in her throat. "So the interest is mutual, then?"

Finally he smiled. "Yes." His eyes fell. "Where would this go, though? Surely I couldn't be a queen's consort."

"Why not?"

He spread his hands in an encompassing gesture.

Jasnah looked at Kaladin until he met her eyes. "I spent my youth fending off my father's attempts at getting me into a political union. I'm certainly not going to be pushed into one now. All those men my father tried to set me up with, I quickly lost respect for once I got to know them. You, though, I've only gotten to respect more as I've gotten to know you better. I can't think of anyone more worthy."

He actually _blushed_.

"Much as I don't like getting distracted from my work, I keep getting distracted thinking about you."

He smiled slyly. "While I was in Kholinar, and especially the palace, I kept thinking about how it was where you grew up."

She reached forward to take his hand. He immediately enclosed her hand in both of his, turning toward her fully, then stroked his fingers along the back of her hand. "So, how does this work?" he asked softly.

The warmth of his hands around hers entranced her, and he was close now. Her heart beat faster. She took several deep breaths before replying. "I'm not entirely sure. Like I said, I don't have much experience in this. Mostly I have experience trying _not_ to be courted."

He chuckled. "By courting, you do mean more than just debating morality, but by moonlight, right?"

Jasnah laughed.

Kaladin looked off toward the bay, golden light reflecting in his eyes. "Well, Adolin took Shallan out for a lot of meals, and to a menagerie once, which I think was her idea. And there was that expedition onto the Plains, which she said was to see a chrysalis, but she probably had other motives."

They drifted high above the city, wind pushing them slowly westward as they hung weightless. Buildings and streets spread out below them, shadows stretching long. Jasnah's mouth was dry. Better to get this out of the way sooner than later. She steeled herself and met Kaladin's eyes. "Were you romantically interested in my ward?"

Kaladin let out a slow breath. "I was, but I'm past that. She and Adolin are such a good fit I can't argue with them being together, plus I don't think it was love so much as that she cheered me up." He met her eyes. "You're the one I keep thinking about."

She smiled broadly, the tightness in her chest easing, and something else replacing it.

*

Storms, Kaladin could get used to those clever, sparkling violet eyes looking back at him. She was beautiful, strikingly so. She kept herself meticulously, but that wasn't why she looked good. Her depth and intensity didn't depend on all that lighteyed women's finery. She would have been beautiful dirty and wearing rags.

Was this really happening? Could he really be with _Jasnah Kholin_ , of all women? Queen of Alethkar, Dalinar's niece? And, what, thirteen years his senior?

He wasn't going to let any of that stop them if she wasn't.

Rapid motion caught Kaladin's eye. Syl was zipping around him as a ribbon of light, fast as if they were in a highstorm.

Jasnah raised an eyebrow at him. "Your spren?"

"Yes. I think she's excited about this."

Syl came near them and took on her young woman form. "Yes! I've been encouraging him for a long time. He needs someone."

Jasnah smiled, looking at Syl. "Even Ivory is pleased."

Kaladin started as Ivory appeared, full sized, standing next to them in the air, his glossy surface reflecting the orange of the sun. "I favor a union between two Knights Radiant. This adds to you both. Your being together makes you more than the sum of each of you individually."

Kaladin cocked an eyebrow at Ivory, but Jasnah smiled. "I'm glad you approve."

Kaladin looked away from the strange oily spren and back toward Jasnah. "I guess I'm still having trouble believing this. I was convinced you weren't interested in romantic involvements at all - at least that seems like what I've heard from everyone else."

"I don't know why I've never really been romantically interested in anyone else, not seriously at least, but I feel differently about you." She smiled at him with a shyness he'd never seen in her before. "I don't like feeling so much that I have no idea what I'm doing, but I had to say something. I'm glad it wasn't one-sided."

He laced his fingers with hers, rubbing his thumb in her palm. "It's not like I have a lot of experience either. If we're a good fit, it should come naturally, right?"

*

"It would be nice if it were that simple. I hope you're right." Jasnah squeezed his hand. "What are you looking for?"

"I ... haven't really given that a lot of thought. Mostly I was busy not dying." He considered, then spoke quietly. "Someone to help keep the darkness away." He looked up at her, fear in his eyes.

"Darkness?"

Kaladin looked down and swallowed. "The darkness that tells me nothing will be right again, makes everything seem terrible, until I want to slip away into numbness. I've gotten better at fighting it off, but it still comes."

"I haven't felt that way for a long time, thankfully, but I do know what you're talking about." She rubbed her thumb across his fingers. "Please tell me if you feel that way. I want to help."

"I...appreciate that. A lot." He swallowed. "What about you? What do you want?"

"I'm...not really sure. This is all very new to me. Marriage always sounded like a prison, and I've never liked anyone touching me, but...well, I feel very differently about you in that respect as well. I suppose I want to explore that and see where it goes."

"I'll try to make my companionship as un-prison-like as possible."

She snickered, then took a deep breath. "We could have dinner and talk about our lives, like a normal couple, rather than me interrogating you and pretending, even to myself, that it's for scholarship."

He smiled. "It was pretty obviously more than scholarship, but mostly I didn't mind."

"Only mostly?"

"You do have a way of finding tender spots and prodding at them."

"I'm sorry if I went too far."

He pressed his lips together. "It was probably for the best, even if it was uncomfortable at the time. We have gotten to know each other better this way. And it was good for me to get it out." He met her eyes and smiled. "You may have known better than I did what I needed to say."

A shadow fell across them as the last of the sun dropped below the horizon. Kaladin glanced around them. "I did a terrible job looking for broken roofs."

Jasnah laughed. "I'm sure Queen Fen will understand, especially if we tell her the circumstances."

Kaladin raised an eyebrow at her. "You're going to just tell her?"

"There's no sense trying to keep it secret. Court gossip would be in an uproar over us and all manner of strange rumors would go around. We're better off being up front with everyone that we're courting."

"I'll trust your judgment on anything related to courtly politics."

Jasnah looked back toward the Royal Ward. "I need to get back."

He nodded. "It's going to be like this, isn't it? Little chunks of time, when we can both steal them away?"

She squeezed his hand. "Yes. Part of me thinks I shouldn't be taking time away from my duties at all, but..."

"I know. I know how you feel, on both sides."

"You do, don't you?"

He smiled, gave her hand one last squeeze, and took them back down.


	19. The Heart Wants What It Wants, Does It Not, Uncle Stepfather?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word spreads.

Dalinar was just about to leave the meeting room when Jasnah caught his arm and spoke quietly. "We have no intention of keeping this a secret, but I'd rather you hear this from me directly: the Windrunner and I are courting."

"You and Kaladin?" Dalinar raised an eyebrow. "I recall you two hurling insults at each other when you were in the same meeting."

"That was some time ago, and we've discussed our differences at length since."

"Isn't he a bit young for you?"

"He's lived a lot in his years. More than most people twice his age."

"I suppose he has."

"And besides, the heart wants what it wants, does it not, uncle stepfather?" She said it with a smile, so Dalinar smiled back, though the comment did make him slightly uncomfortable. He was never quite sure how to read Jasnah's emotions, and even less sure how she felt about coming back from presumed death to find him married to her mother.

"I could hardly fault you. You both deserve some happiness. My best wishes to you." Dalinar hesitated. "I'm glad you have someone. I had wondered if you were lonely in the life you've led."

Jasnah shook her head. "It's not like I was missing something before. I couldn't miss something I didn't want until now."

***

Shallan sat with her feet on a low window sill, sketching. Adolin rushed into the room, door shutting behind him as he came up beside her. "Are you aware of Jasnah and Kaladin?"

She turned to look up at him. "I know they both exist, yes."

"What?"

"What are you actually talking about, dear?"

"They're courting."

Shallan blinked several times. "I guess I'm not all that surprised. They spent an awful lot of time talking, even considering Jasnah's thoroughness. And besides, those two could glare up a highstorm together."

"It's strange. I mean, it kind of makes sense, but it's still strange. I remember when he was a bridge slave. He was practically feral."

"He wasn't entirely domesticated as a bodyguard. Even now he's not trained all that well."

Adolin barked out one of his charming, exuberant laughs. "I worried too much about you being interested in him, didn't I?"

"Yes," she said, kissing him.

After a lovely, lingering kiss, Adolin grabbed a few things from the room and rushed back out. That left Shallan alone with her thoughts.

She'd fallen asleep with her head on Kaladin's chest in the chasms, wedged together in a rock cubby barely big enough for the two of them, with water raging right next to them. She'd been exhausted emotionally and physically, but still, he'd held her tight and she'd felt safe enough to fall asleep outside in a highstorm. Probably kept her from getting hypothermia as well. And there was all the things they'd told each other, all the things she'd told Kaladin that she still hadn't told Adolin--she'd have to fix that soon.

Why was she having these thoughts? Hadn't she decided on Adolin? She was happy with her choice, and quite set on it. So why did hearing Kaladin was with someone else bring up all these feelings in her? What even _were_ all these feelings? And he was with Jasnah, of all people - the very one who'd pointed out to Shallan so clearly how there were no simple answers, however much we wanted them.


	20. As Long As You Don't Mind Being Seen With Me In Public

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin worries about things, then has dinner with Jasnah.

Kaladin had been distracted all day, giving the current batch of Radiant hopefuls less attention than they deserved. The evening before, Jasnah had asked him to court. After parting ways with her in Thaylen City, he felt a bubbling in his chest that he wasn't sure he'd felt before, and had a spring in his step even as he apologized to Fen, assuring her he'd be back soon to address her request. He'd told her Jasnah had distracted him from the task without going into the nature of the distraction, and Fen had accepted that without complaint. Even if Jasnah said it was better not to keep their relationship hidden, it still felt odd to just _tell_ people something personal like that, especially people he didn't know well.

Today, he was still excited, but more of his concerns were asserting themselves. He struggled internally over his attraction to her vs all the practical considerations that made it a bad idea. Whenever he wasn't immediately busy during the day (and some times he should have been busy), he thought about what made him hesitant and what to say to her. It's not like he wanted to call it off, but he did need to bring up a few more things.

Just after sundown, he made his way to the place in Dalinar's section of the tower Jasnah had described, and found a room that actually looked lived in, with rugs, furniture, and decorations on the walls. And a balcony. He smiled at that.

Jasnah sat at a dining table writing, though there were already a few food dishes on the table. Kaladin raised an eyebrow. "Aren't we going to a winehouse or restaurant or something?"

She finished her writing and looked up at him. "I'd rather eat here than go somewhere public."

He tilted his head. "You're not trying to keep it secret that we're courting, but you don't want to go anywhere in public together?"

"I don't like people listening in on my conversations in general, and this is personal." She sighed. "We could go to a winehouse if you want to."

He shrugged. "As long as you don't mind being seen in public with me."

She cocked her head, scrutinizing him. "Kaladin, what's really bothering you?"

He braced himself. "Either I'm going to be too rough for you, or you're going to be too...spoiled for me." He stood tense, waiting for anger at his bluntness, but she didn't seem perturbed. She _was_ surprisingly hard to offend. That did bode well.

"We can work past issues like that."

"Can we? Just like that? Am I going to be the one making all the concessions and adjustments?"

"Is it an insurmountable issue for you if I have a ladies' maid braid my hair every morning? Does this cause some kind of problem for you?"

Kaladin crossed his arms and paced. "I suppose not if we're here, but that's not going to be practical if we're in the field."

"Other than occasional key battles, I don't expect to be doing much field work. That being said, I survived nearly two months in Shadesmar on my own, and you are familiar with the lack of human amenities there."

Kaladin uncrossed his arms. "That's a fair point. That's even longer than I was there, and at least I had human company. I suppose it's not like you need an army grunt's ability to sleep anywhere."

"What else? What else do you think might be a problem?" She turned her chair toward him and crossed her hands on her knee.

"I'll probably have to learn some nicer table manners, won't I?"

A slight grin ghosted over her lips. "Have you heard about the time Dalinar set a napkin on fire at an official diplomatic dinner?"

Kaladin laughed.

"He also stabbed a man who'd intended to kill my father, then used the knife to eat his steak."

"I have to hear this story."

"Unfortunately I'd already been sent to bed by the time it happened, but I can pass on what I heard about afterward."

"I'd like that." He pressed his lips together and took several long breaths before speaking. "I suppose what I'm really concerned about is that deep down you'll think of me as just a darkeyes, just like deep down I never completely trust lighteyes. Storms, I hated all lighteyes until I met Dalinar."

She thought about that long enough he began to grow concerned. He could see the pain in her eyes. Maybe he had finally hit something that really bothered her.

"I can't blame you for your distrust given what you've told me about your life," she said quietly. "I can say I've consciously tried for many years now to get rid of my eye color bias. I wouldn't really encourage you to trust lighteyes more in general, but are you willing to try to trust me?"

He sat next to her, then put his hand on hers and squeezed it. "Yes."

She smiled back at him, looking more vulnerable than he'd seen. Storms, she was beautiful.

"Besides," she said, "you don't care that I can't draw or play the flute."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why would I?"

"Exactly." She smiled playfully.

He finally relaxed and they started eating. He asked about her scholarly work, and quickly became impressed with the range and depth of her knowledge as well as her insight. He'd gotten a taste of this is their previous discussions, but none of those were her area of passion. She was much less reserved now, as well as talking about what most interested her, and he got caught up in her enthusiasm. He'd never really given much thought to what scholars do, but she made it all sound interesting and important.

The conversation wandered to more mundane things from their lives, including the story about Dalinar being more than a little colorful at a state dinner. Kaladin was slightly uncomfortable with getting such an intimate view of the rest of the Kholins as family members, but at the same time, fascinated. She seemed just as interested in his life and childhood, even when he wandered off into medical or battle stories. He didn't dwell on the bad parts, hardly mentioning Roshone or his days as a slave. She'd heard plenty of the dark parts of his life to understand. He would tell her all of it, at some point. Not tonight, though. Not right now. It was a nice evening together, and he didn't want to spoil it dredging through bad memories.

Late in the evening, Jasnah sighed and leaned back from the table. "I hate to call an end to this, but I have a spanreed conference tomorrow with New Natanan earlier than I care to get up on a normal day, much less when I've stayed up late the night before, however pleasant."

Nodding, he stood up and walked toward the door, her following. Before going out, he turned and took her freehand. "This has been a lovely evening. So, when do I get to see you again?"

She pursed her lips. "I have an idea, but I need to check a couple of things first. I'll send a messenger."

He nodded, holding her gaze. He wanted to kiss her. It had only been a day, though, and besides, some instinct told him that he shouldn't be too physically forward with her. Instead, he lifted her hand to his lips and placed one chaste kiss on it. "Good night, Jasnah."

"Good night, Kaladin."


	21. Like Taking A Romantic Walk, But We Aren't Confined To The Ground

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this is the chapter that inspired the title of the piece.
> 
> Definitely more sensual than previous chapters.

Jasnah stood at a balcony off one of the large meeting rooms high in the tower. A single anticipationspren streamed from the floor near her. She wrinkled her nose, remembering their grotesque form in Shadesmar.

Footsteps sounded on the stone behind her. "Survey the surrounding mountains, eh?"

Jasnah spun to see Kaladin standing in the door in a crisp captain's uniform.

"Yes. It'll be like taking a romantic walk, but we aren't confined to the ground."

He chuckled.

"I would, in fact, like to see the surrounding area--but it is an excuse to go flying with you again."

He smiled. "You aren't courting me just so I can take you flying, are you?"

"Flights are something I could reasonably order, so you can be confident that's not the reason. But I do enjoy it."

He stepped close to her and brushed her hand with the back of his fingers. "I'm glad you like it."

She hooked her arm around his elbow. "Shall we?"

And with that, they fell outward and upward, off toward the west. Like both of the previous times she'd gone flying with him, the view left her momentarily breathless. Each time was a new wonder as they gained height, and in these dramatically steep mountains at another vibrant sunset, this threatened to outdo the others. Out toward the horizon, the clouds were patchy, shafts of sunlight illuminating the hazy distance. A swift river of fluffy golden white flowed through and among the mountains, the peaks breaking streams like stones, aligning strands like fiber for spinning as it stretched thin racing through the narrow valleys. Over some of the higher peaks, odd clouds like stacks of plates formed, then blew away, stretching out and distorting.

She blinked, feeling light at the sheer beauty of it. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

Kaladin turned toward her, and finally their eyes met. Dark eyes had a depth that light eyes lacked. Whatever current fashion and biases might hold, neither had a distinct aesthetic advantage. Which was to say, Kaladin's eyes were beautiful whether luminescent blue, deep brown, or anywhere between as they faded from one to the other. The change of color itself was fascinating.

Even with all the beauty around them, she could have gazed into his eyes for hours.

The blond sky was giving way to a rich orange gold as the sun sank, the color reflecting in his intense gaze, all that stormy depth turned toward her. She could see so much there, yet she wished she could see right into his mind, really know what was behind that curious expression. Was he as fascinated with her as she was with him? Did he think about her as much as she thought about him?

Did he, too, want to be closer?

She undid her elbow from his to grasp his arm, then, hesitant, took his other arm with her safehand. His eyes snapped down to where she touched him, then back up to her face, lips parted, breathing deeper.

Slowly, carefully, she pulled herself closer, until her face almost touched his, his breath playing across her lips and cheeks, wisps of Stormlight curling around and between their faces, the air itself alive. She shivered, caught in a moment of frozen time.

His lips joined hers and the world melted.

*

Kaladin's insides fluttered like the first time he took flight.

Jasnah's lips were soft and sweet and warm. She smelled like sunshine after a highstorm, like a flower in the dark, like food when he hadn't eaten in days.

Here he was, high above the highest city on Roshar, with the last light of the sun setting fire to the world, splashing reds and oranges from the valleys far below to the the high wispy clouds above, kissing the queen of Alethkar. This strong, fierce, brilliant, beautiful woman, practically a force of nature, sharing her lips with him.

Somehow he had the instinct to kiss her carefully, as if she were fragile, even knowing her strength. He cradled her face in his hands, despite feeling that he shouldn't be touching such soft skin with all his calluses. He kissed her, trying to express all his tangle of feelings for her. Her lips replied with a kind of complexity that only seemed to fit her, gentle, insistent, shy, playful, innocent, passionate.

He ran his fingers into her hair, soft as silk, catching a loose lock and winding his fingers in the tight curls. In response, her freehand traced across his shoulder, over the skin of his neck, and into his hair, sending shivers down his spine. Her fingertips hunted across his scalp, light and quick, catching in tangles, making his skin prickle, drawing a small moan from him. She smiled through the kiss, playfully nipping at his lower lip.

She wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him close, pressing their bodies together. She was so close, warming him better than any fire. He embraced her and held her tight, tight as he dared. She felt so precious, soft yet solid in his arms. He idled his fingers up and down her back, over the silky cloth of her havah. Was everything about lighteyed ladies this soft and smooth?

When they finally broke the kiss, he saw how many passionspren they'd attracted, a flurry of tiny translucent pink crystals falling around them.

*

Jasnah felt like the most precious thing in the world, held tight in Kaladin's arms. How could she so enclosed by just a pair of arms? And yet she did, safe and warm and held, pressed up against his strong body. She leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes, enjoying the loud, steady beat of his heart.

"You're never quite what I expect." Kaladin's words resonated in his chest, right against her ear.

She lifted her head to look up at him. "You don't have very positive expectations for lighteyed ladies, do you?"

"I--" He turned his head away sharply, looking sad and guilty.

"It's all right. We've both got things to work out. I don't expect you to suddenly get over all your issues with lighteyes. As long as you're trying."

"I am. I will." He hesitated. "Thank you for understanding." He burrowed his nose into her hair and took a deep breath. "And besides, you do smell wonderful."

She laughed softly, running her nose and lips along the side of his neck. "You smell wonderful too, and in your case, I know it's not just perfume."

He chuckled and kissed her forehead.

She leaned against him again, at peace yet thrilled. The sun was down and the ember red of the clouds faded even as she watched. Salas would rise soon, but it hadn't yet.

The wind currents had set them slowly spinning. There were even a couple of windspren around them. They were drawn strongly to Kaladin, no matter the conditions.

She smiled. "This is like dancing, but better."

"Is that something you've done a lot of?"

"I was supposed to learn courtly dances when I was young, but I managed to get out of it almost entirely. I think if it'd been like this - well, it was never going to be like this, weightless in the sky above all this splendor. But this is delightful."

He whispered to her ear, "Hold on. I have an idea."

Her stomach lurched sideways, and she felt Kaladin pulling away from her in the opposite direction. The pull stopped almost as soon as it had begun, and holding to each other as they were, the opposing Lashings set them spinning.

*

"Let me know if it makes you dizzy and I'll stop us," Kaladin said.

Jasnah laughed a full-throated laugh and threw her head back. "This is definitely better than dancing," she said, a brilliant, broad smile on her normally serious face. The spin was starting to separate them, but she hooked one ankle around his leg, then leaned back, sending her hair fanning out behind her. She leaned farther back, and he carefully let her slide further, keeping a tight grip on her arms. Eyes closed, expression blissful, surrounded by a halo of hair, she looked a divinity.

And she was out here, with him.

When she lifted her head, he reeled her back in, slowing their spin as he did. Her beautiful, clever eyes looked into his, and he kissed her again, more urgently this time, and she returned his fervor.

It was a long kiss, wonderfully long, but eventually it, too, ended. Salas was just peeking over the eastern horizon, visible between the Tower of Urithiru and the peaks on the far side. There were even more passionspren this time, still visible in the dim light.

Jasnah smiled at them. "I've never attracted those before."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow at her. "Don't tell me that was your first kiss."

She shook her head. "First one I've enjoyed, though." She read his dismay and went on, "There was a boy in my father's court I was briefly involved with. We were both 16, and it barely went anywhere. Mostly I was curious. I was just starting to wonder if perhaps I simply felt differently toward boys than other girls my age I talked with, and that experience only supported the hypothesis. It wasn't awful, but I didn't see the appeal. When the boy was called off to war, I was sad for the loss of company, but I didn't miss him, and in a way it was a relief, since I was sure he wanted things I didn't."

"I'm glad this was a better experience."

"Well, that first time, my primary impression of kissing was wet and squishy. I felt like an overripe piece of fruit he was trying to suck the juice off of."

Kaladin chuckled and grimaced at the same time. "That's a pretty low bar to beat, but still..."

"Being with you is far, far better." She hesitated, voice growing softer. "It sounds like you've done this before?"

He nodded. "There was a girl I courted in Amaram's army. That lasted about a year, until she moved away to take a job in another city."

She grew tense in his arms. "And have you...done more than kiss?"

He shrugged. "Not much more. I'm not going to try to rush you, if that's what you're wondering."

She relaxed. "That's part of my reason for asking, but not all. I am also just curious and want to know about your life."

Awkward as it felt, he told her about Tarah, and how she'd pulled him out of his funk after Tien died.

She squeezed him tighter. "I'm glad you had someone there for you when you needed it."

That was not a response he'd anticipated. "That's not just your logical side talking, is it?"

"No. Should I be jealous? Do you still think of her?"

"She's crossed my mind sometimes, but no, I don't still have feelings for her, other than guilt over not replying to her letters after she moved away."

"Since you seem to be able to feel guilty over anything, whether you're responsible or not, I doubt I should read much into that."

He smiled. She did have a way of cutting through messy emotions and finding clarity, as well as seeing more deeply into him than he expected. It still left him feeling raw and vulnerable at times, but also understood in a way that was new to him. It made him frighteningly attached to her, despite the short time they'd known each other and even shorter time courting.

 _Who would you be jealous of? You're far too amazing for that, and I'm already afraid of losing you_. It seemed too bold to say aloud. He wanted to tell her how he felt, though; he just needed to think about it more. "I assure you, you have no reason in the world to be jealous."

"Good." And she pulled him down into another kiss.


	22. I Know What A Picnic Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah asks Adolin for date suggestions.

Jasnah stood at a reading lectern, slowly going through a tome in Old Thaylen.

Adolin peeked his head in the room, huge grin on his face. "You and the bridgeboy? Really?"

Jasnah put her hands flat on the lectern. "Yes. And?"

"I just...wasn't expecting that. I mean, I wasn't expecting you to get involved with anyone at all, but...well, I suppose it makes a certain kind of sense."

"A certain kind?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're both tough as Shardmetal, and you could both glare a highstorm into submission...yeah, like that." He gave her another infuriating grin.

Jasnah sighed and stepped away from the book. "Cousin, you've done a lot of courting. Do you have any...advice?" It pained her to ask, but she felt less out of her depth reading Dawnchant.

Adolin put his hands on his hips and scrunched his lips sideways. "You know, I'm not sure. I was good at getting women's interest, but it never worked out long until Shallan, and that just kind of _worked_."

"You mostly went to winehouses to eat and drink and talk, correct?"

"Yeah, and Shallan had me take her to a menagerie once, which makes sense, since she's so interested in natural history. I was going to suggest doing something together related to your hobbies, but neither of you really has hobbies, do you?"

Jasnah sighed. "No, we don't. And I'd rather not draw attention by going to winehouses together."

"Well, if you don't want to eat in public but you want to go somewhere more interesting than your rooms, you could have a picnic."

"Picnic?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You know, take some food and a blanket--"

"I know what a picnic is." Jasnah crossed her arms.

"Well then, why not? I'm sure bridgeboy could fly you somewhere nice."


	23. You're Going To Spoil Me In A Lot Of Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin and Jasnah have a picnic.

Kaladin sat next to Jasnah on the highest peak near Urithiru. The air was noticeably thin, even compared to the tower. _Rock would approve_ , Kaladin thought with a smile.

"We seem to make a habit of going out at sunset," Jasnah said.

"I can't say I mind."

"Oh, if anything, I was pointing it out so we can keep it up."

It was cold up here, even holding Stormlight. Feeling Jasnah shiver next to him, Kaladin grabbed one of the spare blankets and wrapped it around both of them. Jasnah smiled as he did so, a sneaky, girlish smile he'd never seen on her before they started courting. He put one arm around her back and enjoyed the warmth of her against his side. She hummed in contentment and put her arm around him as well, her safehand landing on his waist. She used her safehand more than he would have expected, but he certainly didn't object.

They had multiple blankets along, plus a selection of fruits, meats, and curries that presumably had gotten packed for her by some nameless servant. Or did she pay enough attention to her servants to know their names?

"Did you just order someone to assemble a picnic kit for two for you?" Kaladin asked.

She nodded. "I'm still borrowing some of my mother's attendants, but I've hired a few of my own I trust. I strongly prefer not having to soulcast my food before eating it, so I need people I'm confident won't poison me, and know how to keep an eye on food as it's prepared and handled."

He cocked his head. "Doesn't Stormlight healing work on poison?"

"It probably would, but there are a lot of poisons out there, and I'd rather not experiment."

"That wasn't where I was going with the question, though. So you do know all your servants? Know their names?"

She nodded. "I do look into their backgrounds, though I sometimes delegate that as well." She met his eye. "Do I know them as people, though? That's what you really want to know. Do I treat my darkeyed servants well?"

"I am that transparent, aren't I?" Kaladin curled one side of his mouth.

"You are, though I am also...absorbed with paying attention to you. And to answer your question, no, I probably don't know them as well as they deserve, but that's true of many of the court lighteyes who aren't as important to my plans. I know you don't like it, but there is a certain practical necessity for me to prioritize who I pay attention do. I only have so much time, and you are well aware of how much there is to do."

He squeezed her closer. "I know you have a lot to do. I just--"

"Can't help worrying about the downtrodden? Well, I do pay more attention to darkeyes now and how they're treated. See, you have been a positive influence on me."

He smiled and kissed her forehead.

"Now, can we eat all this lovely food that was prepared by some servant whose mother's name I don't know?"

He laughed and said, "But you do know the servant's name?"

"Elin. She's from Kholinar, and she's been traveling with the army since it first went out to the Shattered Plains. Her husband is in the army, though I don't recall what capacity."

Kaladin raised his eyebrows. "That's more than I expected you to know."

"To be fair, that was from looking into her background for security reasons, and I only hired her after coming to Urithiru."

They opened up the basket of food. Jasnah had a little of everything, with no regard to sweet, savory, or spicy. At least he wouldn't have to worry about finding lighteyed ladies' food for her.

Kaladin popped a small mysterious purple fruit in his mouth, which turned out to taste delightful. "You're going to get me spoiled on lighteyes food, you know."

"Don't you requisition anything you want from the quartermasters anyway?"

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"Of course I go over requisitions, at least in aggregate. And lest you try to turn this into some kind of noble self sacrifice, please, keep ordering whatever you'd like."

"Oh, I will." He held up another of the small purple fruits. "But I don't even know what this is called."

"It's a grape. Usually they come from Shinovar, but they grow in a few other mild sheltered areas. Apparently they make wine from them out there, though I can't imagine using so many of them for fermentation." She ate one as well.

The sat for a few more minutes, finishing off the food and watching the sun get lower. If this became a habit of theirs, that was fine with him. He glanced around, checking the area around them. "What do our spren do when we're together? I just noticed I haven't seen them lately when I'm with you."

Jasnah laughed softly. "I asked Ivory about that. He said your spren insisted that we have privacy and dragged him off. Apparently they talk about spren politics while they're away."

Kaladin chuckled. "Wow, I guess I finally convinced Syl I didn't want her watching me while I was with you." He blushed. "Though she seems to have overcompensated. When I told her I didn't want her watching us, I wasn't thinking of anything as innocuous as sitting and watching a sunset together."

She brought her hand up to his neck and pulled him down into a long, slow kiss. His breath caught and he lost himself in the soft sweetness of her lips, her tongue teasing out against his, the smell of her.

Storms, kissing her was wonderful.

He brought his hand to her face, running it up and sinking his fingers into her hair. It was remarkably soft. He enjoyed running his thumb along the little rows of smooth bumps along her braids.

Finally she pulled back, leaving him short of breath and feeling downright intoxicated.

"You're going to spoil me in a lot of ways," he said.

"I certainly hope so, captain," she said, voice soft, breathy.

She gazed back up at him for a long moment before scooting farther away. He frowned, but she pulled him toward her, tilting him over, and it quickly became clear what she was going for. She was sitting on slightly higher ground than he was, and the rock sloped down gently away from them to the west, so Kaladin wound up with his head on her lap, looking out at the golden clouds below them.

She reached for another blanket and threw it over his legs, and he smiled up at her.

"Will you be warm enough with that? I could give you this one too." She pulled up the edge of the blanket around her shoulders.

"This is plenty. You keep the one that's already warm." He settled in, closing his eyes. The sunset was beautiful, but the feel of being close to her was better. He was quite aware that his head was on her thigh and her safehand rested on his shoulder, stroking slowly. She was an odd combination of physically forward and reserved, and he still strongly sensed he should err on the side of caution and let her take the lead, which seemed to be working well for both of them so far. She was Jasnah. If she wanted something, she would let him know.

He hummed in contentment as she ran her fingers through his hair. After the third snag in a row, she said, "I should have brought a comb."

He laughed.

"Don't you put any oil or moisturizer in it after washing it?"

He cracked one eyelid. "Why would I do that? The point of washing my hair is to get the oil and dirt _out_."

She laughed softly and shook her head. "I'll find you something light. Give it a try?"

He let out a breath. "Fine. So long as it doesn't smell too...pretty."

She laughed.

"I'm definitely not taking up wearing cologne."

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to turn you into Adolin." She stroked his hair, then her fingers wandered to trace the brands on his forehead. "I'm horrified every time I think of you being a slave. It's a shame that tar fire idea didn't work on Amaram, though it was satisfying for a few seconds. And we did get to kill him eventually."

"Together, even."

"Yes, nothing like bonding over gruesomely murdering our enemies together."

Kaladin snorted. "At least I don't have to worry that you'll be horrified at the dark, violent thoughts I get sometimes."

"So long as those thoughts aren't directed at yourself." She leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, her hair falling in a curtain around their faces, soft and cool where it trailed over his skin.

Though he hadn't wanted to worry her so much, she'd pried the story of the honor chasm from him, and how hopeless he'd gotten while he was a slave. Remarkably, she seemed to understand. And she did worry about him. It was touching in a way, but his own worries were already more than enough for both of them.

She sat up straight and looked him in the eyes. "As best as I can figure, Stormlight heals a person back to how they think they should be, makes them match their self image. That would explain why it tends not to work on older injuries, ones that people have grown accustomed to."

"Lopen used to only have one arm, and he lost that years before joining Bridge Four."

"He must have never accepted only having one arm, which would be unusual for such an old injury, but I suppose it would be possible."

"Lopen would be the one to pull off something unusual. He's a strange man."

"The other bridgemen lost their brands after gaining the ability to draw in Light, did they not? Even ones who'd been slaves longer than you had?"

He looked away from her. "Yes."

She pressed her lips together. "What I'm getting at is that you think of the slave brands as part of you."

He sighed. "I have wondered why mine haven't gone away. I suppose I do think of them as part of me, even now. At first, maybe I knew it would bring trouble if they disappeared while I was still in the bridge crews. After I got out, I'm not sure. We all got tattoos over the brands when we became Dalinar's guard, but mine didn't take. My skin pushed the ink out, but the scars stayed. Maybe it's because they're a mark of what I've survived, or that I feel broken." He had one more theory, and he might as well say it out loud. Already he just expected Jasnah to get the truth of things out of him eventually. More quietly, he said, "Or maybe it's the _shash_ part. I do fear that I'm dangerous, to myself and anyone around me."

She leaned down and kissed his forehead. With the dead nerves of the burn scars, he could barely feel it. "I wish I could convince you not to doubt yourself so much, or at least not to beat yourself up so much."

"Syl's been trying that for a while. It even works sometimes."

She scrutinized him with those beautiful, keen eyes. "Maybe you like seeing the true nature of people by how they treat the lowest among us--or at least those they think are the lowest among us."

He looked back at her, brow furrowed. "How is it that after only knowing each other a couple of months, I have these moments where I feel like you know me better than I know myself?"

She ran her hand across his cheek and down into his hair. "You are fascinating. I hardly want to admit even to myself how much I think about you." She stroked his eyebrow with her thumb. "Maybe you also match some deep ideal I have that I didn't think existed."

His cheeks grew warm, and she leaned down and kissed them.

"And you, Jasnah Kholin, seem too amazing to be real, much less to be with me."


	24. I Definitely Shouldn't Be Watching This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Veil takes an unfortunate short cut.

Veil rounded a corner. She'd been this way before, or at least Shallan had. Wasn't this--

Voices. Hide.

Veil backed into an alcove, breathing out Stormlight to turn herself completely dark and deepen the shadows around her.

Two figures came around the curve of the hall, one markedly tall, the other wearing a thin silver circlet on her head.

Jasnah's rooms. That's why this looked familiar. _This was a terrible shortcut._

They stopped in front of Jasnah's door. _How long have they been courting? Just because I only heard about it two days ago doesn't mean it hasn't been going on a while._

Jasnah pushed the door open and Kaladin looked in, but they didn't enter. Kaladin's voice carried just fine to her alcove, though he was only speaking to Jasnah, who was standing right next to him. "I figured you wouldn't have a balcony, but storms, you even have the vents blocked off. It's stuffier than the basement."

Jasnah huffed. "The vents are vulnerable to assassins."

"I suppose so." He got a mischievous glint in his eye. "But if you had a balcony, I could sneak in to visit you."

She raised one sharp eyebrow at him. "Yes, you'd be very sneaky with that glow that can be seen from miles away."

_I've got a balcony_ , Veil thought.

_We're marrying Adolin in two days!_ Shallan thought, internally yelling.

_That means we're not married to him right now_ , Veil smirked.

"You have rooms in the lower quarters with the soldiers?" Jasnah asked.

Kaladin cleared his throat. "I'm sleeping in Bridge Four's barracks."

"What!?"

"We needed more rooms for men who were getting married or had their families arrive and I hadn't gotten around to requisitioning space, and I didn't need all that room myself."

_I could give you some use for a private room,_ Veil though.

_He killed Helaran_ , Shallan thought, a whisper even inside her mind. There was yet another truth she didn't want to face up to. She'd told him Amaram had killed her brother getting his Shards, as she'd believed at the time, so he must know. So, what, tell him she knew and watch him feel guilty?

_Might be fun to get him to do something to apologize,_ Veil thought.

Shallan forcibly put Veil away, her face becoming her own even under the cover of complete darkness.

Jasnah had stepped right up against Kaladin. "Have you noticed we don't kiss standing up like normal people?"

_I definitely shouldn't be watching this._

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kaladin said with mock-innocence, putting his hand on her hip and causing her to float off the floor just enough to bring her face was level with his.

_Oh, Stormfather, I should not be watching this._

He cupped Jasnah's face in his large hands, fingers going into her hair, and pressed his lips against hers--

_Stormsstormsstorms. Gotta get out gotta get out gotta get out_

"Pattern," Shallan mouthed, and he was next to her in a heartbeat. She breathed Light to create a sound illusion and attached it to him. "Go to the far end of the hall and slowly move back this way." Pattern shot off down the hall, thankfully on the ceiling to stay out of likely view. Seconds later, she heard a replica of something Dalinar had said earlier during a meeting. Hopefully Jasnah wouldn't recognize it as something she'd already heard that day.

Thank the Heralds, Kaladin and Jasnah broke their kiss, and he lowered her back to the ground. The couple said a quick goodnight, and Jasnah went into her room as Kaladin strode off in the opposite direction.

Shallan practically collapsed onto the floor. _I'm going to burn a pile of glyphwards in thanks that worked._

Veil had been out with a goal before this encounter. Whatever it had been, it wasn't worth it. Shallan decided Veil didn't get to come out again for a while.

***

The next day, Shallan felt significantly better. She still wasn't looking forward to seeing Jasnah later that afternoon, but she would deal with that when it came.

Gaz shuffled up to her, shoulders hunched. "Brightness, could I, um, not be one of your guards when you're going to see Queen Jasnah?"

Shallan cocked her head. "That's an odd request. Why?"

"She glares death at me. I think Kaladin must have told her how mean I was to him in the bridge crews. I'm afraid she's going to turn me into a pile of dung or something."

Shallan laughed. "Gaz, Jasnah is not going to turn you into a pile of dung. Complex organic materials like that are difficult, and I know she's bad with them."

Gaz's eye went wide.

"Don't worry, I'm just teasing. She's got far too much impulse control to do something like that because of some old grudge. As far as I can tell, she only kills people when they're an immediate threat. I'm sure you're safe."

_Mostly sure. Reasonably sure._

Gaz grimaced. "You're not really making me feel better, Brightness."

Shallan sighed. "Fine. I'll take other guards when I'm going to see Jasnah."

_I would prefer to avoid her too, you know_ , she thought at Gaz.


	25. Are We That Obvious?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bridge Four finds out their captain is courting.

Kaladin was sitting on a stump, stew bowl in hand, when everyone around him suddenly scrambled to their feet. Belatedly he looked behind him to see Jasnah and got to his feet as well. She'd come down to the barracks herself?

Rock made his curious bow to Ivory, just barely visible on Jasnah's collar, as he often was. "Your Highness has come to join us for evening stew?"

She smiled at Rock but gestured toward Kaladin. "I was hoping to borrow your captain for a few minutes."

Kaladin raised an eyebrow but followed her. He could feel the eyes on his back, but nothing he could do about that now.

Jasnah led him off in an odd direction, down a corridor that didn't get used much. He was just about to ask where they were going when she pulled him into an alcove and kissed him. He melted into the kiss, delighting anew as he did each time in being close to her. It took an act of will to keep a bit of his attention on listening for footsteps, but thankfully, no one came by.

Still, eventually, the kiss ended. Kaladin kept his arms tight around Jasnah. "So, what did you actually come down here for?"

She grinned mischievously. "That was it."

He looked at her, wide-eyed. "You came down here just to sneak in a kiss?"

"Yes. Do you object?"

"Not in the slightest," he said, leaning down to kiss her again.

Jasnah did have to leave before too long, and Kaladin made his way back to the group sitting around the fire. Several of the men got huge grins when they saw him. Drehy was nodding. "I knew it. You two are courting, aren't you?"

Kaladin shrank back but gave a single sharp nod.

Many of the men clapped and cheered. A couple grumbled, pulling out spheres and handing them over to others. They'd been betting on him?

Kaladin closed his eyes. "Are we that obvious?"

Lopen waggled an eyebrow at him. "Gancho, if you haven't just been kissing, I'm not sure what made your lips that pink."

Kaladin sat down and rubbed his face in his hands.

Skar's eyes went wide. "Wait, if you're courting the queen, does that mean you might wind up king?"

"The husband of a reigning queen does not become king in Alethkar." Sigzil sighed, frustrated. "Do you not know how your own government works? No, of course you don't. The queen's husband is officially prince consort, just like in Thaylena. Don't you remember Queen Fen's husband?"

Kaladin put his hands up. "You're getting way ahead of yourselves. We've only been courting a few days."

"Still, Jasnah Kholin does not seem the type to court idly, especially right after taking the throne, and I can't see how this could be a political move."

Kaladin clenched and unclenched his jaw. "Could you all...not talk about my personal life like this?"

Sigzil fixed a stare on him. "When you are courting the queen, your personal life is inherently political and of public interest."

Kaladin grunted.

Lopen leaned toward him. "Gancho, isn't she almost twice your age?"

Kaladin's eyebrows knitted. "Not twice. More like one and a half times."

Sigzil raised an eyebrow at him. "Closer to one and three quarters."

"Fine." Kaladin shrugged, shaking his head. "It's not like she looks or seems much older. It seems to bother other people more than us. I don't think it's that much of an issue."

Lopen took another bite of the messy thing he was eating. "She's got better skin than you, sure."

Kaladin scowled. "Yes, slavery isn't good for one's complexion."


	26. Did The Guard Not Even Try To Stop You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dalinar goes to the roof to think.

Dalinar reached the door before the last set of stairs leading upward, but a guard stopped him.

"Brightlord, Queen Jasnah said I wasn't to let anyone on the roof."

"Did she say why?"

"No, Brightlord, but she was quite emphatic."

"I doubt she meant to keep me out."

"If you say so, Brightlord."

Dalinar took the stairs up, then stepped out onto the roof only to see Jasnah sitting across Kaladin's lap, leaning against him, hair completely undone as Kaladin ran his fingers through its length. It was an intimate posture and Dalinar was going to turn around in the hope of not interrupting them, but both of their heads snapped up to look at him immediately. Upon recognizing him, Jasnah relaxed. Kaladin grew even more tense.

Jasnah sniffed. "Did the guard I left not even try to stop you from coming up?"

Dalinar put up his hands in a conciliatory gesture. "Don't blame the guard. He did try to stop me and I insisted on coming anyway."

Jasnah shook her head.

"My apologies for interrupting. I'll leave you two to your own companionship."

Jasnah stood. "It's fine. I have work I need to get to anyway. I shouldn't linger as long as I might like." Kaladin looked put out, but didn't say anything. As soon as Jasnah was off his lap, he stood and saluted, then stood at attention until Jasnah had gone through the door downstairs.

"At ease, soldier. My niece told me you two are courting and you have my blessing."

Kaladin shifted to parade rest. "Thank you, sir. For the record, it was here idea."

"Jasnah didn't pressure you into this, did she?"

He smiled. "No, sir."

Dalinar looked at the door Jasnah had left through. "I know she's more than capable of taking care of herself, but take care of her anyway."

"I will do my very best to, sir."

Dalinar gave him a serious look and nodded. "Of course, you would do that whether I asked or not."

"Of course I would." His voice was grave, his eyes dead serious.


	27. Your Brothers Need To Hear About You Pretending To Be A Horneater Princess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attending Shallan and Adolin's wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of Shallan's wedding gifts was a pair of boots from Kaladin and Bridge Four. Also, since the sun is still up when Dalinar leaves the wedding feast, I figure it must have started pretty early in the day.

Kaladin and Jasnah were finishing up breakfast in Jasnah's sitting room. Since Shallan and Adolin's wedding celebrations started before midday, he wasn't going to get any meaningful training in, so he and Jasnah had decided to indulge in meeting before it was about to get dark.

Kaladin dusted his hands off. "So, are we going to attend the wedding together? Is that going to draw too much attention away from the wedding couple?"

"Knowing my ward, she'd be just as happy not to have every bit of attention on her all day. At any rate, I think word has spread enough now that we might as well - it might cause more talk if we _didn't_ attend together."

"Whatever you think is best." He stood and held out his elbow.

"Not that arm." She walked to the other side of him and took that elbow. "If you hold my safearm, _that_ will cause too much talk."

"See, this is just the kind of lighteyes social convention I know nothing about, and I'm bound to get wrong at some point."

"I accept that. Hopefully it won't be anything too bad when it happens."

"Really? You're not worried I'll cause some kind of terrible offense?"

"Have you spent much time around the Alethi court? I'm not so worried about offending that pit of vipers."

"Vipers?"

"They're a kind of snake, highly venomous. They live in some of the hot, dry parts of Roshar."

"Snake?"

She gave him a dubious look. "It's a family of long thin lizards without legs."

"Lizard?" He couldn't keep a straight face, and they both started laughing. She swatted his arm, but it was clearly affectionate.

"This is probably the best way for this to go, if we can laugh at this kind of thing," she said.

"As long as we're both laughing. If only one of us is laughing, it's not funny."

She nodded, thoughtful. "Yes, that's a good observation."

They made their way to the wedding hall arm in arm. There was some kind of pre-wedding festivity going on, and Jasnah used it to talk to people she needed to talk to anyway and let others talk with her. She'd only been queen for just over a week, and the nobility seemed to be crawling all over each other to gain her favor.

She kept needing to unhook her arm to use her freehand, but she always took his hand or elbow again before long. Few of the guests wanted to talk with him, and most didn't seem to know what to make of this man on the queen's arm. This meant Kaladin mostly followed her along as she got in a series of short conversations and didn't get involved much himself, which was just fine with him; it's not like he wanted to make conversation with a bunch of lighteyes. When Bridge Four showed up, Kaladin excused himself to join them. Jasnah gave his hand a fond squeeze as he went, and a smile lingered on his face as he made his way across the hall. Bridge Four was not done ribbing him for courting the queen, but he found he didn't mind so much now.

Around the time the ceremony was scheduled to start, Navani lead three young men and a woman to the very front of the audience and had chairs brought for them. The men all had bright red hair. Could they be...Shallan's siblings? _There should be one more,_ Kaladin thought. _As if I need another reason to regret killing that Shardbearer._ He found his seat next to Jasnah. She'd deliberately taken the seat on the left so he could hold her freehand. He'd have to start paying attention to this kind of thing. Much as he generally didn't care about offending the lighteyes, he didn't want to make Jasnah's life harder.

The ceremony was lovely. Shallan looked beautiful in her wedding finery, and Adolin had taken full advantage of one of the few occasions where he wasn't restricted to a uniform. His suit was positively gaudy with gems, frills, buttons, small chains, and other ornaments that didn't look even potentially functional. _Some tailor is probably having a great year thanks to that thing alone._ Speaking of which, had Yokska and her husband made it somewhere safe? He wished he knew. They had been kind in harboring the expedition party. Kaladin pulled his thoughts away from lost things and tried to enjoy the celebration. It was charming, and Shallan and Adolin really were adorable together. He found himself smiling broadly and stroking the back of Jasnah's hand as they sat and watched.

After the ceremony, the feast proper got going, Jasnah continued her series of short political conversations, now with portions of Bridge Four following along to talk with Kaladin.

Kaladin was just about to say something to Jasnah when he saw her make a sour face, and he turned to see Highprince Sebarial.

Sebarial waggled his eyebrows at Jasnah. "That's a fine young mount you've caught there. Ryshadium, by the height of him."

Kaladin glared at Sebarial. _I really shouldn't punch anyone at Shallan and Adolin's wedding._

Palona slapped Sebarial's arm. "Turi!"

"I'm surprised the both of them glaring at you at once doesn't set you on fire," Shallan said. How long had she been standing nearby?

"I bet he's good for a nice long ride," Sebarial went on, still grinning lecherously.

"Highprince Sebarial," Shallan said, stepping closer, "you really don't want Jasnah debating which essence to turn you into. I've seen her soulcast people. It's quite alarming."

At that, the grin finally melted from Sebarial's face. "My apologies, Your Majesty." He bowed deeply and retreated.

Shallan turned to Jasnah. "How seriously were you thinking about soulcasting him, by the way?"

Jasnah visibly relaxed her jaw muscles. "I would have restrained myself from actually killing him, but I might have found something else unpleasant to do." She turned fully toward Shallan. "Congratulations, by the way."

Shallan bowed her head, huge smile on her face. "Thank you again for arranging our betrothal. I owe you a lot. This really has worked out better than I'd imagined possible." She turned and pulled one of the red-headed men toward them. "You haven't met my brothers yet, have you?"

They had a round of introductions. They all glanced at Kaladin's forehead with wary eyes, but didn't say anything.

Apparently they had shown up literally minutes before the ceremony started, and before that she hadn't seen them in a year, so she was filling them in on the recent events of her life as she talked with the crowd.

"Did you tell them about stealing my boots?" Kaladin asked.

Shallan sighed, exasperated. "Are you ever going to stop bringing that up? I thought with the wedding gift you gave..."

"Oh, I won't bring it up much, but I think your brothers need to hear about you pretending to be a Horneater princess."

"Horneater princess?" the gaunt brother, Wikim, asked, eyes wide.

Kaladin and Shallan told the story in tandem, repeatedly talking over each other to add things. Jasnah stayed with them and listened quietly, expression slightly bemused.

"That's how you met, and yet you don't seem to hate each other," Balat said.

"Oh, we did for a while, probably until we were stuck in the chasms during a highstorm together." Was it in bad taste to intentionally bring up the strangest things he knew of Shallan doing, while talking with her at her own wedding?

"What!?" two brothers said at once.

That led to more of Shallan and Kaladin talking over each other. By that point, they weren't denying they fought a live chasmfiend.

"Wait," Jushu said, "if you killed the beast, wouldn't you have had claim on that huge gemheart? Wouldn't that be worth a fortune?"

Shallan cocked her head. "You're probably right. I suppose neither of us thought of it because we hadn't been hunting before--you hadn't, right, bridgeboy?"

"No," Kaladin said, shaking his head in disgust.

"And besides, I had a lot else on my mind, and he'd been half eaten," she said, gesturing toward Kaladin with her head.

"I was not half eaten. I just had a few bite marks," Kaladin said.

Through all the stories, Shallan kept up a steady stream of rapid quips back and forth with her brothers. This must be where she'd gotten her wisecracking habits. They'd clearly been having these exchanges a long, long time. Kaladin couldn't help feeling a little wistful watching them interact. Shallan towed them with her all evening as if afraid to let them out of her sight, and Kaladin couldn't blame her.

After a long afternoon of feasting and mingling, the party was winding down. Kaladin was standing at the edge of the room lost in thought when Navani came up to him and...put a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you for making my daughter happy."

He smiled, cheeks warming. "She makes me happy too."

"I knew I'd have to be extremely subtle if I was going to encourage her. Or you."

Kaladin raised an eyebrow. "You were encouraging us?"

"Why do you think I gave you that bag of eliafruit and sent you to her? She loved those as a child."

"You didn't say anything about that at the time. I don't think you even really _gave_ those to me, so much as implied I could have them."

"I may also have pointed her to some records with conspicuously missing information about Windrunners, so she might be inclined to ask you a few more questions."

Kaladin blinked at her several times.

"Like I said, I didn't think it would work if either of you knew what I was doing. Probably only make things worse. I think after all the years of Gavilar trying to arrange a match for her, pushing her toward anyone would make her reflexively pull away."

Kaladin looked at her in awe. He knew Navani primarily as Dalinar's wife. This was Navani, the master of courtly politics and intrigue.

"Well...thank you."

"No, thank you, captain. Just take good care of my little girl."


	28. Flinch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah gets some sword training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> During the Battle of Thaylen Field, Adolin sees some men thrown through the air, then rounds a corner to see some geometric shapes disappearing around Jasnah.
> 
> Tell me she didn't have Shardplate.

Jasnah could have sent a messenger, but she was already near the training grounds, so she went there herself, dismissing her attendants for the evening.

She walked through the door and looked to the far side of the room just in time to see Kaladin take a hit to the waist from Adolin's Blade. Her throat constricted, but Kaladin was already resetting his stance. He was fine. She knew they used covers to blunt the Blades for sparring, but that didn't stop her reflexive alarm.

She schooled herself and walked along the perimeter toward the part of the grounds they were using. In the few months her people had occupied the tower, this area had transformed from another bare rock cavern to a lively, well-used facility with plenty of amenities. That only lead her mind toward whether they'd be able to stay in the tower, whether they'd be able to grow their own food, what other secrets might be hiding here.... She reined in her thought again. Her mother was dealing with those questions for now, with (distracted) help from Shallan. Jasnah was wound up and it didn't take much to remind her of something she could be worrying about. Ivory often reminded her of things to help keep perspective, but her tension built up anyway with everything going on.

Kaladin and Adolin had started another round and were fully absorbed in combat. They were among the best fighters in Alethkar, probably all of Roshar, and she was happy to just stand and watch them. Adolin moved with the grace of a dancer, but Kaladin was, well, like part of the wind. One would not guess by watching this bout that Kaladin felt awkward and unskilled with the sword. He matched Adolin blow for blow until her cousin feinted, got inside Kaladin's reach, then push and tripped him. Kaladin stumbled backward, staying upright, and found his footing, but by then, Adolin had another hit on him.

"Good round! You made better use of your wrists this time." Adolin smiled at Kaladin, giving him and encouraging smile, then turned to another man standing nearby who'd been waiting to get Adolin's attention.

Kaladin still hadn't seen Jasnah. He faced away from her, Blade dismissed. She stepped up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He flinched, spinning his head to look at her, then relaxed.

A lot of things made him flinch, or tense up, or shy away. He was like an axehound that had been subject to frequent beatings. It made her want to find all the people who'd "owned" him and subject them to whatever they'd done to him.

She schooled her thoughts. That wouldn't help. She protected her own and she believed in exacting justice, but punishing a few specific slave owners for doing things that, realistically, most slave owners did, wasn't reasonable or sensible. That didn't stop her from being angry at them.

Kaladin smiled at her, turning fully toward her. "What brings you down here?"

"Well, I had come looking for you, but it's nothing urgent, if you're in the middle of practice."

"Ho, Cousin." Adolin walked toward them, taking a drink from a waterskin. "You were going to get some swordplay instruction, were you not? I could teach both of you at once. Speaking of which, I need to get Shallan practicing more too."

"I'm not exactly in training clothes."

Adolin grinned at her. "Well, you could use that Shardplate you have."

Kaladin's head whipped toward her. "Shardplate!?"

Jasnah nodded. "It comes with the Fourth Ideal."

"Well that would have been handy." A look of guilt came over his face. What was that about? She'd have to ask. He continued, "When did you get that?"

"At the Battle of Thaylen Field. I probably should have mentioned it earlier. I was trying to keep it secret, but I don't think that will be practical now anyway, and I should have at least told _you_ sooner."

Kaladin shrugged. "It's been a busy couple of weeks."

"Your cousin is right." Ivory was still tiny on her collar, but she could always hear him. "You should get more practice with me as a sword."

Jasnah nodded subtly. She did not, on consideration, have any plans for the rest of the evening that required her to look particularly put together, so, much as she didn't like getting sweaty and disheveled, she did want to get in sword practice. Her messenger-style clothing would serve well enough. Theoretically she wore this as a nod to the Codes' requirement to be battle ready at any time, which she considered sensible anyway. Besides, training now would, in fact, be a good way to work out some of her stress.

She enjoyed sword practice more than she'd expected. Having both Kaladin and Adolin there helped. This wasn't some surly old weaponsmaster treating her the way they treated spoiled ten year old boys; they were two people whose company she enjoyed and who treated her as a respected equal. By the end of the training session, the problems of the day didn't seem as bad, and she wasn't so wound up inside.

Whenever they caught her eye, the men of the training ground bowed and kept their distance, not sure what to make of their queen engaging in vigorous physical training with them. There were other women learning to use weapons, which Jasnah heartily approved of, to help normalize it and encourage other women who might be interested. At this point, they were mostly Radiants and squires. The previous week, Jasnah had caught Lift glibly giving soldiers bruises with her Shardpipe, then mocking them for being unwilling to strike back at her and occasionally stealing their food. Shallan had mentioned being here with Adolin for sword practice as well. None of that was the same as Jasnah training here, though.

An hour later, Adolin called for a break, which she was secretly grateful for. Reaching the side of the grounds, she and Kaladin sat together on a bench, not quite touching. They were both still warm and sweaty from exertion. She almost wished they were somewhere private. It felt so different to be with him now that they’d admitted their attraction to each other, full of anticipation. Part of her wanted to dive right in and try all the things that used to put her off that somehow now seemed appealing, and part of her was still holding back, still wary, still, well, put off. Those hesitations were fading rapidly, though.

He held the waterskin out toward her. Her hand brushed his, and she froze for a moment looking into his beautiful eyes, always brimming with emotion, luminescent blue now from having just summoned Syl. There was such a compelling intensity to him. He stirred emotions in her in a way no one else had. He had an unbreakable will and practically embodied honor. That may, in fact, have been the most attractive thing about him, which seemed both odd and fitting.

She felt far too attached to him for the short time they'd been together. It scared her, but there was no way she wanted to give it up.

By the time they stopped for the night, there weren't many others left on the grounds. Adolin begged off first, griping about what an unfair advantage Stormlight was, even if they weren't using it in the actual fights.

Kaladin walked Jasnah back to her rooms, as he usually did when they met in the evening. He held her arm, gaze distant, expression stormy.

"What's the matter?" she asked gently.

"I think I know what the Fourth Ideal is."

"Why does that bother you?"

He walked in silence for a time before he spoke. "Because I couldn't say it. I could feel the words there, and I couldn't say them. I failed."

"Kaladin! Stop finding reasons to beat yourself up!" Syl appeared in the air in front of him, fists on hips.

Jasnah raised an eyebrow. "What happened to giving us privacy?"

"I can still feel him through our bond, so I knew he was upset."

"Well, she's right. Please don't beat yourself up." Jasnah put a hand on his arm. "So what are the words?"

"I'll tell you when I manage to say them."

"Well, do let me know when you can. The Ideals become less and less documented as they progress. For Windrunners, I've found a couple of direct transcriptions of the second Ideal, some fairly unambiguous descriptions of the third, but only oblique references to the fourth, and nothing about the fifth."

"Of course. I live to improve your documentation." He smiled wryly, then his expression fell. "You must have already said your Fourth Ideal."

"Yes."

"Was it difficult?"

"Yes."

"But you said it anyway."

"You're looking for another reason to beat yourself up, aren't you?"

He hunched forward. "I suppose I am."

She pulled on his arm, stopping both of them. "Kaladin, beating yourself up isn't going to help. If anything, that probably makes things worse."

He smiled wryly. "Funny thing is, I'm pretty sure that's what the Fourth Ideal is about."

She squeezed his elbow. "So you're beating yourself up over not being able to stop beating yourself up."

"It does sound silly when you put it that way."

She thought for a moment. "Any advice I can think to offer seems trite, so instead, I'll just let you know that I believe in you."

The corridor they were in was empty at this hour, and he took her into his arms, finally giving her a genuine smile. "Thank you." He kissed her forehead. "This all feels easier with you."


	29. Lighteyes Pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin and Adolin go to a pub.

Kaladin tried a sip from his cup, which contained ale from a country he'd never heard of. The ale was odd, but not half bad. Adolin had convinced him to come to a lighteyes pub. Who even knew such things existed? It was an odd mix of the dark rough familiarity of pubs and the fanciness of a lighteyes' winehouse. It still smelled of ale, but fresh ale, nothing that had been soaking into the floor in some back corner for weeks. The seats were more comfortable than at any pub Kaladin had been to. Groups of men still sat around large open tables drinking and laughing, but they were lighteyed, many in officer's coats--and officers or not, Syl was still entertaining herself by sticking their mugs to the table. Some of the serving women even wore extended sleeves.

Kaladin's eyes were dark at the moment since he hadn't summoned Syl since that morning, so it was amusing to see the serving staff assume he was a guard--especially since he wasn't wearing his captain's jacket, as it had gotten nearly destroyed in yet another battle--then be surprised when Adolin ordered seats for both of them. Jasnah had read Kaladin spot-on on that account: he did like seeing how people evaluated him, his eyes, his brands. He didn't think that was the only reason he still had his brands, but then, he didn't really know.

After some time talking about battle tactics and swordplay, Adolin regarded Kaladin with a critical eye.

"What?" Kaladin asked.

"It's still odd to think of you and Jasnah together."

"Does it bother you?"

"No, no, it's not like that. It's not bad, just surprising." Adolin tapped his cup of ale idly with his first two fingers. "She came to ask me for suggestions, you know."

Kaladin cocked his head. "So what did you suggest?"

"That you have a picnic. I suppose it wasn't the kind of idea she was likely to use."

"Oh, that was your idea? Yes, we've had a couple. They've been lovely."

"Really?" Adolin smiled broadly. "Well, I guess not all of my suggestions for courting are terrible."

"I remember you asking _me_ for advice not long after Shallan showed up."

"Yes, and you said you'd been too busy trying to stay alive, and I felt guilty about the conversation afterwards."

"Well, I guess as long as I got to make you feel guilty, it worked out all right." Kaladin smiled. "I feel like things are going well between me and Jasnah, but I still wouldn't have any idea what to tell someone if they asked for advice."

Adolin rolled his cup between his hands. "I can list lots of thing _not_ to do when you're courting a lady: say you're going to take her for a romantic walk, then actually do an errand for Father and ignore your lady; flirt with serving girls at a winehouse while out on a date; give gifts to other women while you're courting..."

"I don't think there's much risk of me doing those. Well, other than maybe getting distracted by an errand from Dalinar."

Adolin laughed. "Yes, that is more the kind of error you're at risk of. Too busy doing heroic things to pay enough attention to your lady."

Kaladin snorted.

Adolin paused, thinking. "Ladies like shoulder rubs, though. Almost all of them."

Kaladin raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."

Adolin's face grew serious. "It's odd to give you suggestions like that thinking you're going to use them on my cousin."

"Yes, that makes it odd for me too." Kaladin sat up straighter. "All the same, I'm willing to soldier on for a good cause. So, shoulder rubs?"

Adolin looked uncomfortable, but said, "Rub your thumbs into the muscles--" he lifted his hands to demonstrate on the air "--maybe follow along the edges of the muscles. Don't stay on any one spot too long."

"Hmmm."

"This is odd to be telling you."

"I know."

Adolin leaned back. "I think this is why other people call the Alethi prudes. We're just talking about shoulders."

Kaladin shrugged. "I trained as a surgeon. This shouldn't bother me. It really is because Jasnah is your family. I don't think that counts as prudishness."

"That's fair." Adolin's eyebrows drew together, and he started to speak, then stopped. "Never mind. I'm not even going to say that out loud."

"Now that you've referenced it, you have to tell me."

Adolin's cheeks turned subtly pink. "How to say this?" He cleared his throat. "I probably shouldn't be the one you talk to if, ahem, your relationship progresses."

Kaladin laughed heartily, and the tension broke. They went back to less awkward topics, and Kaladin found he enjoyed Adolin's company as a friend, and...sort-of cousin. Even though he and Jasnah had been courting barely a month, the rest of the Kholins seemed to already be treating him as family, or at least close to it. Would this all become terribly awkward if he and Jasnah broke it off?

That was getting ahead of himself. Things seemed fine. Wonderful, even. And that, in itself, scared him. As with other things he cared about, a part of him couldn't help expecting to lose her. He tried to keep himself from thinking that way, but it was a deeply ingrained habit. He tried to remind himself that she was exceptionally hard to kill, even more so than most Radiants. And they seemed to be getting on very well.

Except...she still didn't know about the business about the assassination plot against Elhokar. He couldn't imagine her not being upset about that, no matter what he'd done at the end, especially now that he'd failed to protect Elhokar in Kholinar. He'd managed to not think about that for a while, but he really did need to tell her. He wouldn't be able to keep it from her forever; she was simply too good at getting things out of him, and better he tell her voluntarily than it come out some other way. And besides, he didn't want to have secrets from her.

Not right now, though. He'd find a good time.

Adolin waved a hand in front of his face. "Hey, Kaladin, you still there?"

"Oh, sorry. Just...thinking."

"Anything you feel like sharing?"

He pressed his lips together. "No."

"Well, if you need to talk, let me know. Except, I guess, about, um--"

"Yes, I know." Kaladin smiled.

Adolin ordered them another round and they fell back to chatting.


	30. Brands So Fresh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin sees a slave getting beaten in the market.

After leaving the pub and wishing good night to Adolin, Kaladin had to make his way through most of the market, which was still surprisingly crowded. A large group of heavily laden merchants had come through one of the Oathgates earlier in the day, so many of the roads were partially blocked off by wagons and their partially-unloaded goods. In the absence of parshmen, a lot of darkeyes and human slaves were moving crates, sacks, bales, and other wares. Kaladin passed one poor limping fellow whose brand was so fresh the blisters hadn't fully scabbed, and a shudder ran through Kaladin as he involuntarily recalled both occasions on which he'd gotten brands.

Before he'd gotten a few paces away, a rod cracked behind him, followed by a cry of pain. Kaladin spun around to see the man with the fresh brand down on his hands and knees, and a short merchant, presumably his owner, standing over him with a rod. "Move those boxes faster, your worthless cremling. I paid good money for you!" The slave did not rise, but instead shook. The owner raised the rod again. Kaladin's blood boiled. He dashed back, catching the rod before it connected with the slave's back.

The owner looked at him in shock. "Just what in Damnation do you think you're doing?"

"Protecting someone who cannot protect himself," Kaladin said, voice low and dangerous.

The owner yanked his rod back, and Kaladin let go. "He's my property and I can treat him as I wish."

"That's no justification for beating another man."

"Who do you think you are to interfere?"

"A concerned party."

The owner's eyes focused on Kaladin's forehead. "What in Damnation? You're a slave too! No wonder you're trying to protect your own wretched kind. Who did you run away from?"

Kaladin ground his teeth together. The slave had sat up on his heels and had a hold on Kaladin's trouser leg. "Thank you, thank you. Please, can you do anything? I didn't do what they said to deserve this brand. It wasn't me who killed that fellow, I promise! I shouldn't even be here!" Tears ran down the slave's cheeks.

Kaladin stepped closer to the owner, giving his best sergeant's glare. "Look, friend, this doesn't have to get messy. Whatever you paid for this man, I'll refund you, and I'll pay his slave debt."

"I'm not looking to sell." The small man crossed his arms and stuck out his chest, though he did look unnerved. "And besides, how are you going to pay another slave's debt when you still have those marks yourself?"

Kaladin pulled out his sphere pouch, bright light pouring out as he opened it. "How much?"

The owner scowled. "I said I'm not looking to sell."

"I said this didn't have to get messy," Kaladin said, holding his arm out to the side. Syl formed there from mist in his hand. "But Shardblades don't spill any blood on the first pass." Kaladin felt his eyes bleed to blue.

The owner scrambled backward, tripping over his boxes and landing in a pile of refuse. "Oh, Stormfather. You're _him_." The man had gone pale. "Your Highness, sir, I'm terribly sorry I didn't realize who you were. Please, take this slave as my apology, with no charge."

_Your Highness?_ Were people assigning him some kind of title just for courting Jasnah? Kaladin dismissed Syl, then dug out an emerald broad and threw it at the man. "I'm not trying to steal from you." That wasn't right, however distasteful Kaladin might find the merchant, and certainly not on threat of Shardblade or whatever he thought Kaladin's rank might be. Syl settled back on his shoulder, giving him a nod.

Kaladin held out his hand to help the slave--now former slave--to his feet. "What's your name?" Kaladin asked.

The man stammered a few moments before getting words out. "I don't know how to thank you." His lips trembled. "M-my name is Eldin."

"Well, Eldin, let's get you some medical care. You can't keep that brand from scarring at all, but you can make it scar much less if you take care of it right."

Kaladin checked the man's ribs to see if the strike with the rod had broken any, but fortunately, it seemed all he would have were bruises.

The merchant had managed to extract himself from the pile of refuse and gone into his tent, returning with Eldin's slave ledger, which Kaladin accepted. The ledger was nearly empty, which wasn't a surprise given the fresh brand. He noted Eldin's sale price was just over an emerald broam and made up the difference, much as it galled him. The merchant bowed and scraped before him the entire time, which made Kaladin uncomfortable, but it had gotten Eldin free.

As soon as they had the "sale" straightened out, Kaladin led Eldin to an apothecary, where he purchased bandages and a small bottle of knobweed sap. He explained how to care for the burns so they wouldn't get infected and so they'd scar as little as possible. The limp was from an old injury, so there wasn't anything Kaladin could do about that. Eldin had just arrived with the merchants that afternoon and didn't know his way around the tower at all, so Kaladin led him toward the section of the tower with cheap inns. On the way, Eldin asked hesitantly, "Brightlord, I'm guessing I should know who you are, but I'm afraid I don't."

Of course. He hadn't introduced himself. "I'm Kaladin. And no, you shouldn't already know who I am. I'm rather surprised that man did."

"My former master, he called you 'Your Highness.'"

"I'm not sure where he got that." That wasn't quite true, but it was sort of true. Syl frowned at him, as she always did when he bent the truth like that.

"But you are a Shardbearer."

"Yes," Kaladin said slowly.

"Doesn't that mean you have a house name?"

"Never got around to getting one of those." He did have those lands Elhokar had granted him. After some prodding from Jasnah, he'd even gotten around to having a spanreed conversation with the citylord.

"Your eyes were dark before. I saw. I'm sure I should have heard of you. There are songs about that kind of thing!"

Kaladin shrugged.

Eldin's eyes went wide and he stopped in his tracks. "You're one of the Knights Radiant!"

Kaladin sighed and nodded.

"Stormfather! It's an honor. I can't believe I got rescued by a Knight Radiant!"

Kaladin smiled wryly. "That is kind of our job."

The man grinned. "Well, all the same, I still can't thank you enough. So what title should I use for you, then?"

Kaladin threw his hands up. "I don't really know. If I have to pick a title, I prefer captain."

Eldin nodded. "All right, Captain Kaladin."

At least he hadn't had to explain he was courting the queen.

After a few more of Eldin's questions about Radiants, Kaladin managed to redirect the conversation, so for the rest of the walk to the inns, he told Eldin as much as he could come up with about where to find various essentials in the tower, then gave him some spheres and wished him a good night and good luck.

Kaladin started back toward the barracks, struggling with his feelings. How many cases like Eldin were out there? For the first time, he wondered if he actually did have any claim on that huge gemheart he and Shallan had taken from chasmfiend they'd killed. Could he still ask Dalinar about that? He had no idea what the rules were around that sort of thing. Would it technically count as poaching?

How many slaves could he free with that much, though? His heart sank almost as soon as he had that thought. However many he might buy the freedom of, they would just be replaced with more. The whole system was broken.

And, uncomfortable as the thought made him, there might be something he could do about that, and his lingering anger drove him to try.


	31. You Could Do Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discussion of slavery laws.

Jasnah sat at her desk drafting a letter to the coalition over their latest strategy disagreements. She leaned her head on her hand. She mourned her brother, but he would have been terrible at dealing with this mess. It was hard enough for her.

Her door flew open and Kaladin strode in, right up to her desk. "You're queen. You can just change the law by declaration, can't you?"

"Not quite, but close." She straightened and tilted her head. Much as she generally enjoyed seeing him, this wasn't a good time, and she was annoyed at him for bursting in. "You have something in mind."

He nodded. "You could help slaves."

"Help how?" She put her pen down. "I can't just go and outlaw slavery. There would be chaos and an economic collapse. We already have that from the parshmen leaving."

He leaned on her desk with both hands. "But you know a lot of people are being pushed into slavery to make up for the parshmen, probably a lot who shouldn't. However it was before while I was a slave, it must be worse now."

She sighed. This wasn't an issue she wanted to get dragged into right now. "So, we should just let all the dangerous criminals free along with a few who might be getting wrongly punished?"

"Most of the other slaves I met were people who'd either made one bad decision, or people who'd been pushed to desperation by circumstances. Many were simply unlucky. Very few of them did anything to deserve such a punishment. There weren't many hardened criminals, and even many of those admitted they'd be happy to get out of that life if they had the chance."

"I can't reform the entire justice system right now."

"Surely you wouldn't have to reform everything. There must be some simpler, smaller things you could change."

"What do you propose I change?"

He stalked around the room, then threw his hands up. "I don't know. I don't know how many of them are being wrongly punished, but right now they don't even have a chance to appeal. Give them some chance at justice. Make sure they aren't treated so badly."

She pressed her lips together. "I know you won't be happy with this answer, but I don't think this can be a priority in the middle of the Desolation."

"You're right; I'm not happy with that answer." He folded his arms. "Look, I realize we can't overhaul the social order, but surely there's something you could do that wouldn't detract from holding off the Voidbringers. Make sure people aren't made slaves for minor offenses. Have better enforcement for protections slaves have now. You could do _something_. Something for all the people stuck in situations like I was, who aren't so different from me." He looked at her, eyes burning with that barely contained passion he had. "Don't subject them to anything you wouldn't want to think of happening to me."

That twisted her heart. She ground her teeth and pressed her eyes shut. How many times had she seen him flinch at seemingly innocuous things? How many of those scars on him weren't from battle? She opened her eyes and met his, alert and intense. "This is what I get for courting a man who can match both wits and wills with me. And who knows how to tug at my emotions."

He came around to her side of the desk and brushed his fingers across her cheek and into her hair. "If what I've been through can convince you to help other slaves, it'll have been worth it."

She grabbed his hand and kissed it, letting her lips linger on the back of his hand. "You really are like that."

"Like what?"

"You really mean it when you say those impossibly selfless things." She looked up to see him blushing. "I'll see what I can do. There probably are relatively minor changes I could make that would help." She leaned back in her chair, not letting go of his hand. "I'm already feeling overwhelmed with everything going on and everything I need to do. I don't want to take that out on you, but I really do need to prioritize, and that will mean some things don't get the attention we might like."

As if on cue, an exhaustionspren appeared near her head.

He rubbed her fingers. "I don't mean to pile more on you. I was just in the market and saw this slave being mistreated, and he said he'd been wrongly convicted, and...it brought back memories. It made me angry. It occurred to me you could do something, so I came straight here without giving it much more thought."

"It's all right. Your motives were genuine, as they usually are."

He walked around behind her chair and ran his fingers along the exposed skin of her neck above her collar, sending a shiver across her skin. "I was told that ladies enjoy shoulder rubs, and since you're so tense, I thought this might be a good time to try it."

She was already more relaxed just from the light touches he'd already given her, so she wasn't about to object. "I've never had a massage, but I'm willing to try if you're the one doing it."

"Well, I've never given a massage, so we'll both be trying something new."

"But you must have learned about anatomy in studying to be a surgeon. That seems like it would be useful."

"I can name the muscles, but that doesn't mean I know how to make them relax."

She gave him a soft smile. "You could tell me what they're called as you work on them."

"Well, this is the top of the trapezius..."

A shiver ran through her as he ran his fingers outward from her neck.

"Deltoid..."

His large hands wrapped around her shoulders.

"Infraspinus, rhomboid..."

Fingers moved inward on her back, over her shoulder blades, toward her spine.

"The two long muscles next to the spine are the erector spinae..."

He trailed his knuckles down her back to her waist, then up to her neck. Her eyes fluttered closed and a soft noise came from her throat.

"Scalenes, sternocleidomastoid..."

His fingers were on her neck, running right up to her pulse point. His lips were right by her ear, almost brushing it as he spoke.

"No mating!"

Both their heads snapped toward the voice. Pattern, Shallan's spren, was on the wall near them.

"What are you doing here?" Jasnah said, voice harsh.

Pattern buzzed, sounding pleased with himself. "Shallan had me remind her and Adolin not to accidentally mate before they performed the proper rituals. Since I perceived you two alone in here, I thought I could offer my assistance to you as well."

"GET OUT." Jasnah pointed at the door. "And never do that again."

Pattern shrank and zipped out under the door.

Kaladin had sat down onto his haunches, holding onto her chair and laughing so hard he made no sound, tears running down his cheeks. Jasnah couldn't help laughing too, and then they were both helplessly caught up in it. Kaladin wound up sitting on the floor, and Jasnah leaning on her desk, only narrowly remembering to push her papers out of the way lest she drip tears on them. When they finally managed to get themselves under control, Kaladin said, "I suppose he does make an effective chaperone, making people laugh too hard to do anything inappropriate."

Jasnah shook her head, pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I always hated the idea of chaperones. Ridiculous, expecting me to bow to a bunch of old men insisting they get to watch me and make sure they approve of what I do."

Kaladin chuckled, then sighed. "I probably should go, though."

"I suppose so."

Kaladin stood up, gave her one last wistful glance, then nodded toward her, and they said their good nights.


	32. Couldn't Even Tell You Where They All Came From

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wider variety of sparring. Discussion of scars.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major revision 2020-03-14: See end note for details.

Jasnah had been snapping at people all day, and not just from the usual stress of her duties. Evening couldn't come soon enough.

Kaladin was back, and he was alive.

That was never a given, with everything going on. Usually she managed not to think about that too much, but at times like this, when she got repeated reports about how brutal the fighting in Emul had been, and even Lieutenant Teft saying "The boy nearly got himself killed," well, she was even more impatient than usual to see him again.

A few battalions had returned late last night, Kaladin with them. She'd only heard in the morning, and her day was packed full of meetings. He had his own responsibilities here after being away for the past couple of weeks. Now, though, it was evening, and she could finally get away. She'd even finished earlier than expected. He'd still be at the training grounds. She might as well go find him there.

The training room was crowded tonight, and all the active people made the room warm and humid. Metal clanged on metal and the air smelled of sweat, leather, and heavy cloth. Jasnah had to scan much of the room before spotting Kaladin, who was, as she expected, with Adolin. What she had not expected was that they would be...wrestling. Both only in tight, knee-length trousers.

She'd only seen Kaladin in less than a full uniform that once on the Shattered Plains. She couldn't deny she enjoyed seeing more of his skin, but that was equally mixed with anger and sorrow. _So many scars, especially for one so young._ Not just battle scars, either, like her cousin had. No, many Kaladin's scars were from the deliberate cruelty of someone who'd considered him property.

She watched them from the shadows. They circled each other, engaged in their bout. They hadn't seen her.

Kaladin went in for a tackle but Adolin deflected him, instead managing to get a grip on one of the taller man's arms. Kaladin twisted out of the grip but Adolin was already coming through for another bind, getting Kaladin's other arm behind him even as he tried to twist out of the way. They moved quickly, more roughly than in swordplay. That only made sense: this was far more animal than the distance and formality of swords or even spears.

Kaladin knocked Adolin's feet out from under him, sending them both to the ground with a slap. Adolin's expression was fierce and he managed to hold on through the fall. Kaladin grunted and his muscles strained as he tried to get out from the hold. _Oh my._ That was a sight.

In other circumstances, Adolin's grip likely would have held, but they were both glistening with sweat and Adolin's hand slipped from Kaladin's arm.

Kaladin pushed Adolin part way off him, but Adolin got a stronger, more slip-resistant grip. Kaladin's arm was locked, and, expression stormy, he tapped out.

Adolin let him up and explained where Kaladin had gone wrong and gave pointers. Jasnah walked up to them while Adolin was still talking, and when he finished, he turned to her. "You probably aren't going to join us for wrestling practice, are you?"

Jasnah smiled. "Tempting, but no."

Kaladin turned and finally caught sight of her, and his face broke into a broad smile that reached all the way to his eyes. "Hey."

She stepped up to him and rubbed the back of one finger on his arm. "Welcome back."

Adolin wiped his brow. "Going to join us for some kind of sparring, since you're here? We could switch to sword."

Kaladin leaned onto his knees, twisting and stretching his back. "Oh good, sword. Another thing I'm bad at and probably not going to use."

Adolin crossed his arms. "I am firmly convinced that wrestling is always useful, even if you have a weapon you can summon instantly. What if someone gets in close?"

"When they get close, I summon Syl as a dagger. I've taken out several Fused that way."

Adolin threw up his hands. "Fine. I can't make you practice if you don't want to."

Kaladin sighed. "No, I'm sure you're right. It is useful, weapon or no. I'll keep up with it. It's just frustrating because it feels like I'm bad at everything besides the spear."

"You're not bad at it. You're just inhumanly good with the spear, so everything else seems bad by comparison." Adolin turned to Jasnah. "Anyway, care to join us?"

She'd intended to pull Kaladin away as soon as she arrived, but sparring had become one of their forms of bonding. Even aside from that and improving her skill, the vigorous workout helped her stay calm and focused, which Heralds knew she needed today. Much as she wanted to take him somewhere private, for a while at least, weapons practice wouldn't be a bad way to spend time together.

She nodded to Adolin, and Kaladin seemed happy to go along either way, so they moved to the sandy part of the grounds. Adolin called for someone to bring an edge cover for his Blade, and Maya fell into his hand only a few seconds later.

Jasnah eyed him. "Is your heart beating that fast?"

Adolin grinned. "That was six heartbeats. She's been coming faster. I got her in four a couple of times during the battles in Emul."

"Remarkable. So she's still getting better? Does she improve with discrete events, or does it just seem to happen over time?"

Adolin pulled his lips to the side. "Well, if I'm in a tense fight, sometimes she'll come faster than she has before, but I'd say the average is definitely going down over time. She's been using more words, too. Wyndle tried talking with her but she seems scared of him. He's not sure what to make of that."

Jasnah nodded at Adolin in appreciation. "Well done, cousin. Yes, keep talking with her. I wonder if spending more time with her in Shadesmar might help as well."

Adolin grimaced. "I'd really rather not go back to Shadesmar."

Kaladin nodded vigorously. Jasnah frowned at him then looked back at Adolin. "You wouldn't be stuck there, or even all the way in."

Adolin turned his Blade in his fingers. "Hmm. Well, I'll give it try if you think it might help Maya."

The three of them sparred, switching off either in pairs with the third practicing forms, or both of them against Adolin, which was good practice coordinating attacks. Shallan showed up shortly after they started, so Adolin switched to working with her while Kaladin showed Jasnah some spear techniques and some useful weapon transitions he'd discovered.

In this, he was the teacher. These were skills at which he was probably among the best in Roshar, and he really was impressive. In the few sessions they'd managed to arrange of multiple Radiants sparring, he'd shown the best facility taking advantage of the adaptability of the living Shardweapons, also attested to by his effectiveness in real combat.

Sparring with him one-on-one was, in some ways, more intimate than something like having dinner. They'd developed a certain synchrony, an ability to read each other's movements. There was a level of nonverbal communication that she'd come to enjoy and appreciate very much. Plus, she did enjoy watching him, especially now that she could see more of him. The scars didn't bother her aesthetically - if anything, they added ruggedness. And he moved with such striking grace.

She'd long since convinced him not to hold back when sparring with her, which she mildly regretted when he got in a few good hits on her. Since it was just the two of them, they weren't holding off using Stormlight, so the bruises retreated almost immediately. He was resourceful in choosing and adapting the skills for her for use both with and without Plate. Even as queen of Alethkar, she was lucky to have this man giving her so much one-on-one instruction.

At the end of the session, they sat down next to each other in an out of the way corner at the edge of the training field, drinking from waterskins. After all that exertion, he radiated heat. She could feel it even though they weren't touching.

"Long hair is a disadvantage wrestling, even if the rules say not to pull on it," Kaladin said. "Oh, and I finally tried that stuff you gave me for my hair. It's oddly smooth and shiny afterward. Harder to tie out of the way. Too slippery. It's weird."

She laughed softly, reaching up to run her fingers through her hair. "It is softer and doesn't seem as tangled now, so I have to say I find it an improvement." She ran her fingers through his hair several more times, and he closed his eyes. "Why do you keep your hair long? I'm not complaining, by the way; it looks good on you."

He tensed under her hand. So many things brought up painful memories for him. "I went through a time of not caring enough to cut it, or shave, for that matter. Even when it seemed worth shaving again, by then I suppose I'd gotten to like having my hair longer."

She continued running her fingers through his hair, and he relaxed again. He'd taken his shoes off to wrestle and hadn't put them back on for sword practice. The way he was sitting with his ankles crossed, she could see the sole of one foot. Not only was it heavily callused, it had even worse scars than his back.

"What?"

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"What's bothering you?"

She pointed toward his feet. "Should I ask what all those scars are from?"

He sighed. "Some are from just not having shoes, probably a lot from my first bridge run. Some are from getting my feet caned or whipped after trying to escape."

She shuddered, feeling sick and angry at the thought, but she felt compelled to ask further. "Those scars on top of your shoulders are from carrying bridges too, aren't they?"

*

Kaladin nodded, mind back on the Plains. "Gaz didn't bother getting me shoes or a vest for my first bridge run. He figured I would get killed right away so it didn't matter if my feet and shoulders got destroyed."

"Shallan said Gaz was afraid of me. I wouldn't actually hurt him over past offenses, especially since he seems better behaved these days, but...I am even more tempted now than I was."

"No, you shouldn't actually do anything to him." He shrugged. "Just another of the people who've repeatedly tried to get me killed."

It felt surprisingly good to put his years of pent up bitterness into words. In any other circumstances, he would have felt like he was just griping or whining, but he felt like Jasnah wanted to understand him. It always hurt at the time to tell her things like this--hurt both of them, usually--but after each, he'd feel just a little more at peace.

"I seem to be hitting a lot of tender spots today, don't I?"

He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "That's probably easier when I have so many scars showing."

"You do have quite a lot. It reminds me how angry I am about everything that's been done to you." She traced a finger along a long straight scar on his back.

He turned his head far to one side, trying to look where her hand touched him. "I'm not even sure what scars I have on my back."

"You haven't bothered looking at them in mirrors?"

"Not really. All I've got is a small shaving mirror."

She pressed her lips together. "Come to my rooms. I have a couple of large mirrors and a hand mirror. That will let you get a good look."

"I'm not sure how I feel about examining my own scars, but I'll take a thin excuse to come to your rooms." He grinned at her. Sparring with her was fun, but he had been hoping to get some time alone with her.

After quickly toweling off, he put his shirt and jacket back on for the walk to her rooms. It was one thing to be shirtless for wrestling practice, and even to leave it off to continue with swords in a warm practice room, but walking through the halls like that would be downright slovenly.

Jasnah took his elbow in hers as they left the training ground. "My uncle has been saying what a natural strategist you are."

He bowed his head and his cheeks grew warm. "He is the best man to learn that from."

"He talked about giving you a title to match, perhaps lieutenant general or major general, which he could do now that you're officially a lighteyes of the fourth dahn."

Kaladin grimaced, but before he could say anything, Jasnah went on, "I told him I doubt there's a title higher than Captain of the Windrunners, either to you or most others, but the offer is open, and you two should discuss whether there's any practical reason to do so."

He nodded. "I don't really like the idea of having a title that's dependent on eye color, but I'll do what's needed to reflect the command structure."

"I had no doubt you would." She squeezed his elbow. "And I'm sorry I can't tear down all the rules around eye color."

He smiled at her. "I know you can't."

They reached Jasnah's rooms and she closed the door behind them. Getting dressed again at the training grounds meant he had to take his jacket and shirt back off when he got here, if the point really was for him to look at his back. Well, he _was_ curious.

He did it quickly, not making eye contact, folding and draping both layers over the back of a chair. Jasnah led him to a broad full length mirror taller than he was, then gave him a face-sized mirror with a handle. At first he faced the large mirror and tried to hold the hand mirror behind him, but she turned him around and got everything positioned so he had a good view of all of his back at once.

"Is it like you expected?" she asked softly.

He narrowed his eyes. "It's both better and worse." Most of the scars had faded match the color of his skin or lighter, and nothing had the distinctness of the brands on his forehead, but there was quite a lot. He reached a hand around to that one rib that had a bit too much of a bend in it. "This rib got broken and it never got a chance to heal right." He remembered it breaking, and he could feel with his hands that it stuck out, but the protrusion was obvious with the light on him at an angle like it was.

She stroked his arm. " 'Got broken'? Should I ask?"

"Kicked after saying I killed a Shardbearer. That was before I learned not to mention that."

She frowned. "What about this?" She touched a conspicuous star-shaped white scar over his shoulder blade.

"Oh, that was just me not getting out of the way of a spear in time in one of my first battles in Amaram's army. Seems mundane by comparison."

"I would love to ask you about each one, but I don't want to dredge up too many painful memories."

"It's all right. I'm not sure I could even tell you where they all came from, but if you want to ask, go ahead."

She traced her fingers along the long straight lines that ran diagonally across the full length of his back. They were one of the most obvious features. The question was obvious in her eyes.

"Those are from being whipped. I remember that incident well. It was after another of my many escape attempts. I had to sleep on my stomach for over a week."

The skin around her eyes tightened. "I feel guilty getting more upset than you seem over this. You had to live through it, and I'm only hearing about it."

"I've had time to get used to it. And besides, I'm upset hearing about bad things that have happened to you too."

She laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know nothing really makes up for it, but it does make me want to make everything soft and plush and comfortable for you now."

He smiled at her with one side of his mouth. "You spoil me in so many ways."

"Who's spoiling whom? You take me out flying all the time." She smiled back at him.

He turned toward her, setting the hand mirror on her vanity. "I am afraid of getting used to your comfortable life. I worked hard to be able to sleep soundly on rocky ground in the rain."

She grimaced.

"That was supposed to be a joke."

"As you so insightfully pointed out, it's only a joke if we can both laugh at it." Still looking at his scars, she she ran her fingers up his back and across to his shoulder. Her eyes continued up to meet his. "I missed you. It felt like you were away for ages."

"I missed you too. It did feel like far too long." He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, and the silk of her dress rippled cool and smooth against his skin. She slid her hands up behind his neck and pulled him into a kiss. He gave himself over to her lips, relishing being close to her again.

To the extent that one kiss could make up for two weeks apart, they tried.

Finally, she pulled out of the kiss. "So, do you want to give me your take on what happened in Emul?"

He gave her as much detail as he could remember. It was lovely, being back and standing like this, holding her, talking about times he'd been afraid or felt triumphant or worried. He lived through it with Bridge Four, but he didn't talk with them about his feelings like he did with Jasnah.

Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, and her violet eyes shone. "Are you holding back for fear of worrying me?"

He pressed his lips together. "Maybe a little."

"Was it as bad as Thaylen Field, fighting all those Fused and then Amaram?"

He rocked his head side to side. "About that bad."

She rubbed her palm on his back. "How close did you come to getting killed?"

"Very nearly," he said, barely above a whisper.

"I can't help worrying about you when you're away, especially not when I know there's so much reason to worry." She pulled him tighter and leaned her head on his chest. "Why did the world have to go and end right when I found someone I care so much about?"

He nuzzled into her hair. "It's not over yet."

"I know, but..."

"Yeah. I know."

She drew in a deep breath. "I should get some sleep."

He nodded, and they kissed again. He put his uniform back on and gave her one last squeeze, and they said their good nights.

Kaladin walked back toward his rooms, fists clenched. Syl streaked in from a corridor leading outside, transforming from a ribbon into a young woman in front of him. "You have a _lot_ of feelings going on."

"Yeah."

"But things are good between you and her, right?"

"Yes."

"So why the emotionspren feast?"

"I just..." He ran a hand through his hair. "Even if something is good, it can still be overwhelming."

"Humans are so complicated."

"Tell me about it."

"Well--"

"I didn't mean that literally."

Syl stuck her tongue out at him, then sat on his shoulder.

He could have cut out to a balcony and taken a shortcut to the barracks, but he felt like walking. He was wound up and he needed to think.

He was coming to appreciate Jasnah in a different way. He'd known she was strong, willful, and bent on doing the best she could for the world, but there was so much more nuance to her than that, and so much more compassion beneath her hard shell. He had worried, of course, about what dynamic they might develop, based on social class or age or her sheer forcefulness, but none of those worries were coming to pass. He didn't have to be bowed or pushed down by her strength; he could borrow it. That wasn't something he'd imagined having. It felt like it filled a crack in him.

Syl had a point. Why _was_ he so wound up? Things were good. He should be happy.

Part of it was that he had, in fact, nearly died in Emul. Brushes with death had a way of bringing things into stark focus, particularly what was important. He'd always had the idea that it took a long time--years--for a good relationship to develop. It had only been a few months since he and Jasnah had started courting, yet he realized he would break himself to keep from spoiling what they had.

It terrified him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I just said Edgedancer!Adolin would happen off screen, but since they've been sparring, I feel like it would come up, and I couldn't resist.
> 
> Canon reference: when Dalinar wrestles a guy (Oathbringer, starting p172 Kindle edition), he wears "sparring leggings" which were "tight" and "came only down to his knees." Before the bout, he was pulling them on over his undershorts when the swordmasters came back. 
> 
> So yeah, it's canon that there are guys only in undershorts (at least while changing clothes) and wrestling in tight legging shorts at the training ground. How could I ignore that? I would have loved to drag that wrestling scene out longer, but I don't know jack about wrestling and have no idea how to write it.
> 
> Major revision 2020-03-14: Made it so Kaladin (and Adolin) just got back from the briefly referenced battles in Emul, during which Kaladin had a brush with death. Much less sexual tension; more focus on emotions instead.


	33. Motherly Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Navani and Jasnah talk about feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For folks reading along as this is posted, note that I significantly revised the previous chapter on 2020-03-14 and the changes will be relevant to the story going forward.

Navani was assembling maps of the various parts of the tower on a large table in front of her when she heard Jasnah's voice from behind her, quiet and strained.

"How do people stand this?" Jasnah stood by the tall eastern windows, looking off into the distance.

Navani stood up straight, turning toward her daughter. "Stand what?"

"Being in love."

Was Jasnah actually asking her for motherly advice? She quietly walked up next to her daughter. "What's bothering you?"

Jasnah chewed her lip. "I feel so out of control. I'm used to directing my energy and attention precisely, and now I'm constantly distracted."

"It's not a pleasant distraction?"

Jasnah took a deep breath. "It is. That's not the problem."

"Then what is?"

"There's still a Desolation going on, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Isn't your very first ideal, the one shared by all Radiants, life before death? As well as journey before destination? Live, child. Enjoy it while you can. There's little better in this world than being in love."

"Part of me spends all the time thinking about when I'll get to see him next. I worry about the time I spend with him taking away from everything I have to do, but it's the only time of day I'm not thinking about being somewhere else. I don't trust my judgment. I don't want to send him away on missions where I won't get to see him, or worse, where he's in danger. "

Navani put a hand on her daughter's back. "I know all too well how hard it is to love a soldier."

"So what do you do?"

"Enjoy the time you have, knowing it might end, but realize he'll probably be fine, because he always has in the past. Trust that he's good at what he does, and try to let go of the worries."

Jasnah lowered her head. "That's much easier said than done."

"I know." Navani squeezed her daughter's shoulder. A drop fell from her chin. Tears were running down her cheeks.

Jasnah, looking at her, said, "Mother, what's the matter?"

She wiped her cheeks and chin, trying not to smear her makeup any more than she had to. "Missing your brother hits me hard at the oddest times."

Jasnah's look grew hard. "Mostly I've been trying not to think about that."

"That's not healthy, dear."

Jasnah shook her head. "I have too much to do. I can't take a bunch of time mourning."

"If you don't deal with it, It's going to come out at bad times."

"Maybe. I'll deal with that when it happens."

They stood together in silence, sharing comfort in each other's company. After a time, Jasnah straightened, regaining some of her composure. "What do you think of my relationship with Kaladin?"

"He brings out a lighter side of you that I've barely seen before, not since you were a child. That alone would dispose me kindly toward him. He takes care of you, and you actually let him! I think you could hardly have made a better choice, and I'm glad you get to choose for love rather than politics."

"You're not bothered he used to be a slave?"

"I was, but I've come around to appreciating that it's a mark of resilience, not a sign of anything wrong with him or his actions. And if anyone makes a fuss about his brands, well, I suppose they'll have to answer to all three of us."

Jasnah and Navani's eyes met, and they exchanged the looks of women who had power and weren't afraid to use it.


	34. Who Was It You Hated So Much?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin and Szeth spar. Kaladin and Jasnah have an intense conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll give you the warning I would want: I promise this story has the happy ending you want. Please remember that as you go through the next few chapters. I also promise I will not leave you on a cliffhanger I wouldn't want (meaning, I'm posting blocks of chapters all at once up to a point which is not a cliffhanger).

Once again, Kaladin fell to the mat with almost no idea how he'd gotten there. Szeth bowed to him and then offered him a hand up, as he did each time he knocked Kaladin to the mat, which was almost every bout this evening. Szeth was teaching him kammar, which was apparently a Shin form of hand to hand combat. Kaladin had thought he was good at keeping his feet under him in a fight, but he was a new recruit compared to Szeth. This training gave him a new appreciation for using his opponent's weight against them.

"You are progressing quickly, Lord Kaladin." He hadn't managed to talk Szeth out of using that titled for him and had eventually given up.

Kaladin rubbed a bruise on his arm. "It doesn't feel that way."

"You are impatient, I think, because you compare everything to your experience with the spear."

"You sound like Adolin." Kaladin sniffed. "The things you showed me about strike points came fairly quickly, but medical knowledge probably helped with that."

"You are wise in many things."

Kaladin wasn't quite sure what to say to that. He often wasn't quite sure how to respond to Szeth.

Somehow they seemed to have skipped past the "Sorry about that time I killed you" conversation and had become...colleagues? They both guarded Dalinar, and they were both Radiants who had sworn the Third Ideal, and in adjacent orders at that. Szeth was unfailingly polite and respectful, and carried out his duties with a level of dedication that even Kaladin found impressive. In theory, they should have worked closely together, but Kaladin kept his distance. Certainly they should have started sparring like this months ago; Szeth had a lot to teach him and seemed happy to do so, but Kaladin had repeatedly deferred. The man simply unnerved him too much.

Most obviously, there was the fact that his soul sometimes trailed out of his body. It didn't seem to affect Szeth, but it made Kaladin's skin crawl.

Then there was that deeply unsettling sword. The one time he'd picked it up, nausea hit him so hard he almost retched. Since then, he'd heard it talking to him in his mind, like Syl, but it always came through distinctly, and without any sort of bond. It had a bizarrely cavalier attitude toward killing. It said it wanted to "destroy evil," but it only seemed to have only a vague, distorted idea of what constituted evil.

And it turned people to smoke and consumed the soul of its wielder.

Kaladin preferred not to be in the same room with the thing. It seemed glibly unaware of his dislike of it and continued to speak to him in a friendly manner.

And, of course, there was the horrific killing spree Szeth had gone on the previous year. Whatever law or mandate he thought he'd been following, Kaladin couldn't just get past that kind of destruction.

Thus, when Jasnah arrived at the training grounds, Kaladin was happy to have an excuse to leave for the evening.

Szeth made a deep bow to her. Kaladin bowed to Szeth since it seemed to simply be what he did as both greeting and farewell. "Thank you for the instruction."

Szeth bowed and made a curious gesture in which he wrapped one hand around the other and pointing his knuckles toward the ground. It looked formalized, like it had some particular meaning or use, and Kaladin couldn't recall seeing it before. "Of course, Lord Kaladin."

"That gesture you made," Kaladin said, pointing at Szeth's hands. "What does it mean?"

"It is a sign of respect to an honored peer."

Kaladin tried imitating it. "Was that right?"

"The hands point upward before they point down," and he demonstrated again.

Kaladin copied, and this time Szeth smiled. Even that looked odd on him.

Jasnah stood stiffly through the whole exchange. Kaladin refrained from asking about that, but bid farewell to Szeth, and he and Jasnah left.

Outside the room, he said, "You seem even more uncomfortable with him than I am."

A muscle in her jaw flexed. "Sometimes I can't help remembering he killed my father."

"I can't blame you for that."

***

After dinner, they sat in Jasnah's dining room. She tapped a finger on the table. "Your Third Ideal was 'I will protect even those I hate, so long as it is right.' So, who was it you hated so much?"

He tensed, rubbing his face in his hands and groaning. He couldn't keep not telling her. It was long past time.

"Elhokar."

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, I suppose that means you did protect him in spite of that."

He nodded. "In the end, yes."

"This was during that assassination attempt on the night the Everstorm came, wasn't it?"

He nodded more slowly.

"And right before that, you did something to violate your oaths."

"Yes." He swallowed, though his mouth was dry.

"That had something to do with my brother too, didn't it?"

He nodded, chest tightening. _Better I tell her than she figure it out herself._ "I knew about the plan to assassinate him."

She leaned forward. "Before it happened?"

He nodded.

A shadow passed over her expression. "And you weren't going to stop it."

It wasn't a question, and he wasn't going to deny it anyway. "I know this doesn't excuse it, but he had just thrown me in jail after nearly ordering me executed."

"You're right. That doesn't excuse it." Her voice was hard.

He took a shaky breath. "I know. Look, I don't know if it'll be better or worse if I tell you the full context--"

"Tell me the full context." Her voice was even, but it was not calm.

"I'm so sorry--"

"Just tell me what happened. All of it. And why."

Haltingly at first, and then in a rambling gush, he told her of meeting with Graves, considering his arguments, Moash's grandparents, how he was leaning towards capturing Graves until Elhokar threw Kaladin in prison for trying to get justice, how much he hated prison, learning Elhokar had sent Roshone to Hearthstone, falling in the chasm, hearing Syl's scream, losing his abilities, being torn over the conspiracy, and finally deciding to go fight to save Jasnah's brother so that Kaladin could live with himself, how it would have been the death of him if Syl had come back a moment later, and finally finding the third ideal. Mostly he looked at his own hands twisting on the table, only occasionally daring to glance up at her. The fury and hurt behind her eyes never relented, but she let him talk.

Her lips quivered ever so slightly. "You didn't just know about it. You were going to help them."

His mouth was dry. "Yes." He put his hand on her shoulder and started to speak, but she pulled away. "Don't touch me." Her voice was soft and dangerous.

He jerked his hand away as if burned.

She was taut as a tripwire, glare like ice. "You should be glad my rational side is in charge. My emotions want me to hit you, or worse."

He hunched down. "You could hit me if it would make you feel better."

"That seems like a bad precedent."

"It does."

A muscle in her jaw flexed. "Get out."

"Jasnah, I--"

"Get out." Her tone hadn't changed; it was still perfectly even. The cold fury in her eyes sent a chill of fear through him. _An angry soulcaster is a terrifying thing._ He hadn't thought about that in months. He didn't think she'd do anything that extreme, but all the same, he nodded without another word, stood, and walked out.

_Oh, Stormfather, what have I done?_


	35. You Look Like The Weeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of sad vignettes.
> 
> CW: brief reference to thoughts of self-harm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm putting all these short scenes into one chapter so you don't even have to wait for the next chapter to load.
> 
> Relevant psychology tidbits:  
> -Guilt makes people sleepy  
> -People suspect others of the misdeeds they themselves are prone to  
> -Social pain registers in the same parts of the brain as physical pain

Kaladin made it to his room, though when he got there, he couldn't have recounted anything about how. He wasn't sure what to do with himself and he felt sick. Syl flitted in and stopped in front of him, transforming into her young woman form, eyes wide with horror.

"What happened?"

"I suppose this is the problem with you not being around when I'm with Jasnah."

"Do you want to tell me?"

"No." He sniffed."I finally told her about my involvement in the plot to kill Elhokar."

Syl reached out to touch his cheek.He could just barely feel it.

"It'll be all right.She'll see that you made up for it in the end."

"I hope you're right."

After pacing around his room for several minutes with his arms crossed, he lied down on his bed and curled up around a pillow. Tears dripped off his nose and cheek.Syl sat on his arm, not saying anything, just keeping an eye on him.

He hadn't expected to be able to sleep, but next he knew, it was morning.

***

Kaladin still stood leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

Adolin stopped in front of him. "Something the matter, bridgeboy?"

"Am I that easy to read?"

"I wasn't going to say anything," Adolin said, "but normally, you have an expression like a highstorm, and today you look like the Weeping."

Kaladin gritted his teeth. "Jasnah's mad at me."

"Mad? What for?" Adolin's eyes went wide, then narrow. "You didn't actually flirt with other women in front of her, did you? I can't imagine that. Or you flirting with women at all, for that matter."

Kaladin wrinkled his nose."Nothing like that."

"Well, then what?"

"I'd really rather not talk about it." _Then you'd just be mad at me too._

***

Shallan slowly worked her way through a confusing old text that may or may not have had some references to pre-Recreance battles.Jasnah stood at the other side of the table, taking notes out of a book that was even more inscrutable than the one Shallan had. A couple of ardents at the next table giggled. Jasnah's pen snapped against her paper. A small growl came from her, and she grabbed a new pen.

Last time Shallan had seen Jasnah overtly upset about anything, it had been the end of the world. Shallan really should ask.

"Jasnah, what's bothering you?"

Jasnah hesitated, jaw muscles flexing."Kaladin did something I don't know I can forgive."

"What did he do?"

"I may share that in the future, but I will not right now."

"Kaladin killed my brother." The words were out before she'd really considered them.

Jasnah raised one sharp eyebrow at her. "Why did you bring that up?"

 _Why_ did _I bring that up?_ "Well, it's something I was upset with Kaladin about. There hasn't been much else I've been upset with him about, other than generally being annoying, difficult, and grumpy."

Shallan caught a slight smile on Jasnah's face.

"You must have known this for a while. I heard about it months ago."

Shallan nodded."It took me a while to sort out my feelings about it. I was upset, but I've come to accept it since I know he really is a good person, and knowing he was acting reasonably at the time."

" 'Acting reasonably at the time' isn't enough when someone kills your brother, though, is it?"

Shallan stared at her."What did he _do_?"

Jasnah sighed. "Perhaps I'll tell you after I've had more time to think about it.But not now. I know I'm not being rational now."

***

Kaladin and Jasnah didn't see each other that often if one of them didn't seek out the other.Meetings they both attended only happened every week or two, and Kaladin certainly didn't want to bring up anything personal right before or after one of the ever-contentious coalition conferences.

How long should he wait before trying to talk to her?Waiting for her to talk to him was probably the wrong thing to do, though he also didn't want to make her angry by bothering her again too soon.

Still, it had been three days.That seemed like long enough to at least try talking with her.

It wasn't like she had a fixed schedule so he could just go find her; he'd have to search.Previously, they'd almost always arranged their next meeting before parting, or at least exchanged schedules so messengers could find them.It didn't feel right to send a messenger for an errand like this, so he set off to check places she often was.

After checking a library and two meeting rooms, he spotted her coming from the map room with a couple of attendants.

He ran to catch up with her. "Jasnah, can I--"

"No." She cut him off and kept walking, not even looking at him.

He stopped dead in his tracks. He watched her stride away, going right back to the instructions she'd been giving the attendants. 

He felt like someone in Plate was sitting on his chest.

He couldn't be around anyone else right now. He walked to a balcony and fell outward, only Lashing himself upward at the last moment, barely keeping himself from slamming into the terrace below. He flew out toward the high peaks, but that only reminded him of times he'd spent with Jasnah, so he went down into the valley toward Tu Bayla. He flew low, barely clearing some of the ridges.

Syl flitted next to him, expression deeply concerned. "Kaladin, you're not going to hurt yourself, are you?"

He didn't reply.

"Kaladin?"

He sighed."No.I'll be all right." _I always am._

***

Shallan heart footsteps and looked up from her book. "Are you looking for Jasnah?"

Kaladin sat heavily into a nearby chair. "I'm not sure."

"What's that's supposed to mean?"

He let out a pained sigh. "I did something terrible and now she's furious at me. Last time I found her a couple of days ago, she wouldn't even speak to me."

"She mentioned something about that."

He met her eyes."And? Was she still very angry?"

"I'm afraid so. And she's definitely seemed short tempered since then."

His head dropped forward onto hands.

"It might not be hopeless. I was afraid she was going to kill me after she found out I stole what I thought was her Soulcaster. She forgave me for that."

He grunted.

"I'm still not fluent in bridgeman grunt, you know."

He glared at her.

"If you aren't looking for Jasnah, you must have come here wanting to talk to me. Or are you actually looking for Jasnah?"

He rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know."

Poor Kaladin.This man was not all right.Could she...do something to help him? Or at least make him feel better? Veil didn't make so much as a peep at that idea, which was a relief. It was nice that by now, her feelings for him had settled solidly into contented friendship.

"Well, you could write her a letter. That worked for me when I needed to persuade her to take me as a ward even after she'd dismissed me quite firmly." She grimaced. "Though I suppose you dictating a letter about whatever personal issues you have would be about the most awkward thing imaginable."

"Unfortunately I've imagined more awkward things, but yes, that would be way up there."

"I can't help but be curious."

"Dalinar walked in on Jasnah and I having a private moment once, and while we weren't doing anything scandalous, after that I couldn't help occasionally imagine him walking in at worse times."

"You're right.That would be more awkward."

"Probably even more so for you than me."

She laughed perhaps more than the crack warranted, but it got an almost-smile from Kaladin, so it was worth it.

He stood up."Anyway, would you put in a good word for me? At least tell her I'm sorry?"

"Of course." Shallan pressed her lips together."I hope you two can work it out."

"Me too."

***

Jasnah took a drink of orange wine and composed herself in the few seconds she had between meetings.As soon as she put her cup down, Dalinar walked into the room.

"Uncle, I heard rumors you had some interesting news to report."

He nodded."Indeed.A few singer groups from southern Alethkar have contacted me asking to negotiate peace, or at least neutrality.They don't represent any larger faction of Voidbringers, but they at least don't want to fight against us."

Jasnah raised an eyebrow."You've had others from Thaylenah and Azir contact you already; are these noteworthy?"

"More for the reason: they've gotten word of Alethkar's new slave laws and increased enforcement of slave protections.Between that and the abuse they get from the voidspren and Fused who've passed through, they decided they'd rather take their chances with us."

Jasnah swallowed. _Kaladin deserves most of the credit for this_. "That's...good to hear, if surprising. What terms do they want?"

"Like the others, they're afraid Fused will come to force them back into line, and they'd like some protection."

"I'd rather they were willing to fight on our side to prove themselves, but I'll take what I can get. Be careful not to trust them too much too quickly, Uncle."

Dalinar grimaced. "I probably need to be reminded of that regularly, don't I?"

"I wouldn't have you any other way."She smiled fondly at him, then looked back at her notes. "Anything else I should know about?"

"Taravangian is coordinating some relief efforts in Triax, so he wants to borrow some Windrunners for transportation, and he'd like to get a Radiant with Regrowth to send to a few hot spots with a lot of casualties.Since Renarin is already in Jah Keved, I was going to send Lift."

Jasnah made a note on her paper without looking up."Fine."

"Any preference on which of the Windrunners to send?" Dalinar knew that was a charged question, and by the softness of his tone, he must have known it was more so now.

"Your choice, Uncle."

She looked up to see concern in his eyes, even sorrow.

***

Kaladin sat on a turret at the top of Urithiru, a small platform above the roof not practically reachable without flight.He hadn't seen Jasnah for days, and two times he'd tracked her down, she hadn't even been willing to talk to him.

Should he have told her sooner, to get this over with before he'd gotten so attached to her? Would she have responded better or worse? Was there anything different he could have said?

Syl sat on his shoulder, leaning against his neck.She'd been trying so hard to cheer him up, but there was only so much she could do. He ran his hands through his hair again and shifted his seat. He wasn't going to be comfortable no matter what he did. It wasn't physical discomfort.

He'd already worn a deep mental rut of worry and recriminations, and was starting to dig his way into resignation. Was he going to have to deal with the loss of her, as he had with so many others? Not death, but losing her companionship, their closeness. In the months they'd been together, he'd already grown so attached to her, so content in her company. Losing her was pain of a different flavor, like his whole body felt sour.He kept saying that she was mad at him rather than that she'd broken it off.Was that denial?

_Good thing I have so much practice losing people I care about._

He sniffed, looking out into the mountains.

_At least she didn't turn me into tar._

He almost wished she had, though he managed to snuff out that thought quickly.No, he'd continue, much as it hurt, and much as it would make many things more difficult.

He'd be all right.He always was.

***

Renarin was just reaching another group of wounded in yet another bedraggled military camp somewhere between Vedenar and Bavland when the vision struck.

He fell to his knees, as he still sometimes did as the panes like stained glass formed around him, showing him yet another horror to come. And it was coming soon.

There would be nothing he could do about this one, no action he might change, no one he might warn.He was too far, from everyone and everything, to make it back in time.He couldn't even get to a spanreed in time.

Renarin clenched his fists and shouted at the sky. "What good is this if all I can do is watch people die?"


	36. Not You Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Syl goes to Jasnah and pleads on Kaladin's behalf.

Jasnah sat at her desk reading over the proposed coalition procedure changes from Azir.Many of the paragraphs she had to read twice. She shook herself.Maybe she should get some of that alertness tea from Teshav.

A small blue figure appeared sitting on a paperweight just in front of her.

Syl.

She didn't say anything, just sat, looking up at Jasnah with tiny mournful blue eyes.

Jasnah tilted her head. "Not you too."

"You don't want to be mad at him."

Ivory appeared beside Syl. "His behavior was rational, and probably more moral than many things you've done. You've admitted that already."

Now she had _two_ spren trying to convince her.She leaned her head on her hand, scratching her nails across her scalp.

The thing was, she _was_ irrationally, disproportionately mad at him. Why did it bother her so much?

"He betrayed my family after swearing to keep them safe."

It was a violation of the very things she admired in him, the qualities that made her want to open up to him.

"Did he get to tell you the full story?"Syl leaned forward. "Can I tell you the story from my perspective?"

Jasnah closed her eyes and nodded.

She listened. In a way, it was nothing she didn't already know, though it was interesting to hear Syl's fragmented account as she'd lost part of herself, sort-of died, and then come back to life.

Yes, he was going to betray Dalinar's trust after swearing he would not, but he made up for it in the end. He'd gone against a man who'd been his friend to make up for it.He was ready to give his life to make up for it. All for a man he, at the time, hated with good cause. And his actions worked. Elhokar lost some blood and was shaken, but he was fine.

_But he's dead_ now.

There it was.Had it really taken her nearly two weeks to see this was the other part of why she was so upset?She'd never dealt with Elhokar's death as well as she should have.She'd buried it rather than working through her feelings, rationalizing that she had too many duties to attend to.Yes, the nature of the thing Kaladin did wrong hit home hard, but it was really the combination of that and Elhokar being dead now. Kaladin had tried his best to stop that too, and failing nearly broke him, according to Adolin.

It was time to stop holding this all against Kaladin. Syl was right. Jasnah didn't want to be mad at him. She needed to talk with him.

Horns sounded, echoing through the stone corridors of the tower.

Attack.

On Urithiru itself.


	37. A Face All Too Familiar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of things happen. Lots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friendly reminder: the happy ending you want is coming.  
> Depending on which version of Words of Radiance you read, some of this might seem canon inconsistent. Well, it's consistent with one of the versions. This may already be too much of a spoiler; OTOH, while I want to make you all suffer, there are limits.  
> Also, of course, since this is after the end of Oathbringer, all these events and unseen mechanics are things I have made up for this story. Honestly I can't even say I think it all makes sense. Hopefully it's exciting and that makes up for it?

Urithiru was in chaos.

The Oathgate from Kholinar had brought an army, and it wasn't a small test force this time.

The highprinces had done an admirable job getting the armies mobilized, but the attack had been a complete surprise, and had come at a bad time.Almost like they'd known when to strike.

After over an hour of battle, Jasnah wound up on the roof.She was out of Stormlight, like everyone she'd passed on the way, but she used Ivory to cut down several parshman soldiers and even a Fused. _That combat practice actually worked._ Some fog swirled even this high, but she still had a view of Dalinar's army, which he and Adolin had led out toward the Oathgate to slow the bulk of the Voidbringer army getting to the tower. Dalinar said he had an idea, but it was risky, and infuriatingly, hadn't been any more specific. Many Fused streamed through the air, but only a handful of Windrunners, and from this distance, she couldn't tell who.

Bodies were scattered about on the roof, more than the ones she'd killed, but no one else alive on the main deck level she was on. She looked higher and saw Kaladin was on a turret higher up, a platform effectively unreachable by anyone who couldn't fly unless they had a tall ladder. She couldn't do a storms-cursed thing but watch, and he didn't seem to have seen her. His long uniform coat, already full of tears and holes, flapped in the wind. He just stood there, not a bit of Light visible on his skin.Oh, storms, had he run out too?

*

Just as he'd run out of Stormlight, the two Fused he'd been fighting flew away, and for a moment, Kaladin thought he might have gotten a reprieve.Then another figure floated out of the fog, trailing long robes like the Fused, but it wasn't one of them. 

It was a human.

His face was all too familiar, hawklike, but with glowing red eyes and streaming with purple darkness. He carried a simple straight Shardblade, one that had been stolen from Bridge Four.

Kaladin's blood boiled, and he screamed. "Moash! What have you done? You joined Odium?"

"It's not like you think, Kal."

"You joined the god of hatred, a force of evil and destruction trying to exterminate humanity. How can you justify that?"

Moash put his hands up. "That's not how it is. Odium takes care of his followers. No worrying about whether your spren approves of you. You can stay in the sky forever, never run out of Investiture.Odium can just keep us going directly, through the Unmade, none of this waiting for storms or running out of gems.He told me I'd get to kill you, today, here at this tower, but I have to ask first, give you a chance to see, maybe change your mind--Kaladin, you can see how the cause of the singers is just.You know how terrible a job the lighteyes have done at ruling.Humans just keep screwing things up.We could make things better than they were, more just. Does it really feel right to you to fight against the people who originally lived in this land, people who now just want to be free from their millennia of slavery under humans?"

Kaladin steeled himself. "How can I trust you? You betrayed me.You betrayed all of Bridge Four.You chose vengeance over loyalty."

"You think I don't feel betrayed by you backing out at the last minute? You chose those lighteyes over me, even knowing there was no other way I was going to get justice. You should have joined me.We should have killed him together. It would have been right."

Kaladin shook his head."I couldn't have lived with that decision. I had to do what I knew was right, even when I thought it was going to kill me and had no idea it would bring back Syl."

Kaladin considered how this fight would go down.It didn't look good. Moash had the high ground. Kaladin was out of Stormlight. He'd be slow, and he couldn't let himself fall.

"The singers are in the right, Kaladin.I know you spent time with them and got to know them, even defended them and helped them.I talked with Sah and Khen about you. You remember them, don't you? They thought you were going to help them.Stop fighting for the lighteyes. Come join us."

 _Of course I remember Sah and Khen._ Kaladin hesitated, and it was just long enough for Moash to get past him, a blow he couldn't dodge or parry--

*

Jasnah screamed so hard something ripped in her throat.

The Honorblade went right through Kaladin at his waist. He faced away from her, but she could see smoke rising from his eyes.He dropped like a stone as he tumbled off the side of the turret, landing hard on the roof.

She ran to him and kneeled next to him, tears blurring her vision. She couldn't bring herself to look at his eyes. What could she do, even if she did have Stormlight?

Think. If there was any time to rein in her emotions and try to think clearly, it was now. But what options did she even have?

A figure streaked across the sky toward the man who'd struck down Kaladin, wielding a Blade that trailed swirls of black smoke.

Szeth.Who'd been killed by a Shardblade. And somehow brought back.

They never had found out what Nalan'Elin had done; all they knew was that Szeth said the Herald had had some kind of device.Would Progression work?She would still need someone with that Surge, and the Light to use it. And according to Szeth, they only had until the brain died.How long would that be? _I should have learned more about medicine from Kaladin._

Szeth and the other man collided.Energy exploded outward from them in a sphere, wispy swirls and jagged bolts, black and violet and white and red.It knocked Jasnah onto her back.

Something happened in the distance.She felt it more than heard or saw anything, but whatever it was, it felt like it shook the world. The man with the Honorblade had also been knocked back and looked disoriented, but he now streaked away toward the disturbance, and Szeth followed.

Jasnah stumbled back to her feet. The very air felt alive.And then, Stormlight.A flood of it.Even more than at the Battle of Thaylen Field, and this time, the source did not fade. It felt like a river rather than a single splash.

Heart in her throat, she looked down at Kaladin.Could he heal himself with this?

Oh, storms, he seemed so...lifeless.

They only had two Radiants with Progression.Renarin had gone to the front in Jah Keved, and Lift had been called off to Kharbranth by Taravangian. Jasnah had heard Iri had a Truthwatcher, but she had no idea who or where.

She _could_ do something. It would mean pulling off a risky feat she'd only attempted a few times, and a variant of it she'd never tried at all. It scared her, but she had to try.

With the wealth of Stormlight and her pouch of now-charged gems, she fell part way into Shadesmar and reached out with a sense she couldn't describe, searching for one particular flame, one she knew so well they had a link even over a great distance.

There.

She _moved_ to it and found herself falling to the ground, the air suddenly warm and humid.

A hand caught her as she stumbled. "Cousin? How on Roshar did you just _appear_ here?"

Renarin.

"No time to explain.Come with me."She put her hand on his shoulder and fell again part way into Shadesmar.Like with her few other experiments with this ability, there was a faint trail where she had come from, and she followed it back, like tracing a thread in the dark, pulling both herself and Renarin.

The view from the top of Urithiru reappeared along with screaming pain in her lower legs, and by the shout next to her, it wasn't just her.She looked down to see that she'd caused both of them to reappear with their legs from the calf down _inside_ the stone of the roof.

Oh, storms, this was going to take more time.They weren't quite close enough to Kaladin to reach him.

She summoned Ivory and met Renarin's eyes. He nodded. With a sick feeling, in two quick swipes, she cut off her own feet and Renarin's.The sensation was horrifying and left her momentarily lightheaded, but with this much Stormlight, their feet would grow back quickly.

Her cousin, with Progression, was barely slowed down before he was standing again."Why did you bring me here?"

Still kneeling and gritting her teeth, she looked up at Renarin and pointed at Kaladin."Bring him back!"

Renarin's eyes went wide when he saw Kaladin, but he dashed to the fallen man and laid both hands on him.At first, nothing happened, and Jasnah's heart twisted.After several heartbeats, some of the obvious damage began reknit - storms, he must have cracked his skull badly in the fall - but he still did not draw breath, and his eyes did not change.

 _Please, please, don't be dead. I need you._ She crawled to him on hands and knees.

Renarin glowed with light and seemed to be pushing it into Kaladin, but nothin more changed.

Jasnah could hardly see, and tears dripped from her chin. She gripped Kaladin's unresponsive hand.

"Please come back," she whispered.

A glow came over Kaladin, bright and opaque, so much she couldn't see him through it. As it faded, he abruptly sucked in a breath. He came awake with a start, blinking rapidly, eyes not only back to normal but casting about. "I thought I was dead."

"You were." Jasnah's voice shook.

He grasped her hand weakly. "I think I saw the afterlife."

 _I'll have to document that._ She gritted her teeth. _Stop it._

Kaladin looked at Renarin with a mixture of confusion and relief. "Thanks."

"Always."Renarin patted his shoulder.

Kaladin looked down behind them"Why are you both barefoot?"

She glanced back and wiggled her toes.Well, her feet had grown back.

Renarin waved a hand."Kaladin, I saw your death.I saw this, hours ago.You, with your eyes burned out.You know what this means? It's another prophesy wrong."

Jasnah stared at her cousin."And again it's the two of us."

Renarin grabbed her freehand and squeezed it.

Jasnah squeezed back. "I don't know what this means, but we can worry about it later.I don't know what's going on over there--" she gestured toward the source of the Stormlight, still blazing strong "--but I have no doubt it's important."

Kaladin tried to sit up onto his elbow, but wobbled even doing that.Jasnah caught him by the shoulder. "I know how weak a limb feels after healing from being severed by a Shardblade.I can only imagine you must feel that way all over, and probably worse."

He looked up at her, eyes full of questions and sorrow.He pressed his lips together, expression growing determined."I need to deal with Moash."

She nodded and both she and Renarin helped him to his feet.He was unsteady at first, but rapidly grew stronger."Where is all that Stormlight coming from?It feels like that eerily quiet time in the middle of a highstorm that recharges gems."

Jasnah shook her head."No idea, but whatever it is, the man you were fighting flew toward it as soon as it started."She raised her arms, pointing out into the hills. "And Szeth followed him."

Kaladin lifted into the air.A faint white glow trailed him, then appeared to go back into him. Jasnah stared. That wasn't just Stormlight, though that streamed from his skin as well.His soul had not quite properly reattached, like Szeth's, though this was more subtle.

He was alive. That was what mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a specific explanation for the thing that generates a flood of Stormlight--probably something Dalinar does with his Bondsmith/Unity powers? Maybe he just said his Fourth Ideal? Maybe somebody else (like Navani...) also becomes a Bondsmith by bonding the Nightwatcher, and two of them together can do something special? Yes, I briefly toyed with the idea of going into a side plot where Navani bonds the Nightwatcher, but that's well outside the scope of this fic. We can all just assumed that *something* had the right effect, right? *Waves hands* This is not the deus ex machina you're looking for.


	38. Are We All Right?

Hours later and with significant casualties, they had Urithiru once again secure.

Jasnah had been down the tower, out to the Oathgate, back across the plateau several times, and around to various places within the tower.Now, everything was in hand enough that she could take care of something else she needed to do.

She made her way back to the roof and stood facing west.They'd made no mention of it at all, but somehow she was sure if she came up here, he would find her.

And sure enough, only a few minutes later, Kaladin appeared coming toward her through the patchy fog, still glowing brightly, though the river of Stormlight had eventually dried.

He landed several feet away from her, head down, looking at her from under his eyebrows. "I'm sorry." His voice trembled.

"So am I.I shouldn't have totally shut you out like that."

His eyebrows drew together, eyes still pained. "Thank you for saving my life.Again."

She took one step closer to him. "I had already decided I'd stayed mad at you for too long, but seeing you die, I realized how much I still love you. I couldn't stand to lose you."

He half smiled. "I guess that means you're not going to order me executed?"

She laughed, and it turned into a sob.

He took another step closer. "So, are we all right?"

She took one more step, closing the distance between them, so they almost touched.She was shaking and tears ran down her cheeks. "Yes."

He wrapped his arms around her, tentatively at first, and then with desperate intensity when she reciprocated, sliding her arms around him under his half-destroyed jacket. He whispered into her hair, "I was terrified of losing you."

*

Kaladin clung to her, not quite trusting he had her back. She sobbed against him, tears soaking wet patches into his shirt, and he found tears running down his own cheeks. Burying his face in her hair, he let himself weep.

They stood holding each other until they were both cried out. They stayed there, still, silent, only the wind ruffling their clothing and hair. He felt so wrung out, but it came with release. He still had worries chasing around the edges of his mind, but they were distant. Despite everything that had happened, he felt at peace now.

Jasnah opened her eyes and turned her face up toward his. "I'm still residually angry, but I think now I can be angry at the circumstances instead of at you."

"Good."He pulled her close, not kissing her, but nuzzling into her hair.

"The man who...killed you.He was the one who got you into the conspiracy against my brother, wasn't he?"

Kaladin nodded. "You heard the conversation?"

"All of it."

"Moash was the one who killed Elhokar in Kholinar."

She closed her eyes, face tight. "Did you kill him? Moash?"

"Yes."

He stroked her cheek with his thumb. "I'm so sorry, and I know that's not nearly enough. I know the reasons and circumstances don't matter, not for this. Not for Roshone or Amaram or that Sergeant who assigned Tien out at the front. They got him killed, and it doesn't matter why. They still got my brother killed." He swallowed."I fully expected you to feel the same way toward me, no matter what I did afterward."

She leaned into his hand. "That's part of what makes it easier for me to forgive you, you know. You understand that there's no justification that makes it all right."

"It's also why I wasn't at all sure you would forgive me."

She brought her freehand up to his face and buried her fingers in his hair. Another current of relief ran through him at that sweet sensation he feared he'd never have again. "Besides, however angry I was at you, I doubt it matched how much you've beaten up yourself."

He grimaced."That's probably true."

"You haven't conspired to kill any of my other family members, have you?"

"I've strongly considered punching Adolin several times, but that's about it."

She pursed her lips, half smiling, and dropped her forehead onto his chest with a soft thump.

He pulled her tight."Storms I'm glad to have you back."

She sighed and rocked them side to side, talking into his chest."There's a lot I could say about this. I've been over it so many times in my head I don't feel like saying any of it now.Maybe later, when we haven't just been through so much." She looked up at him.Such beautiful eyes. Storms he'd missed this. "But for now...I can trust you are who I thought you were, the man I fell in love with."

"So we really are all right again?"

"Yes.As long as you're not mad at me for shutting you out for so long."

He smiled and shook his head, a fresh tear running down his cheek. "No. I'm just glad to have you back."

"Then we're all right.And I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm...really glad to hear that." He swallowed, throat feeling rough. "Oh, one more thing." He grinned at her."I said my Fourth Ideal."

"Good.I'll feel much better with you having Plate to protect you." She laced her fingers with his."Now, let's get back to work.We have a city to put back together."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, after going through all that one last time and then putting it all out into the world, now I think I need to go lie down.


	39. words words words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adolin shows off a new trick.

"Cousin, look what I can do!"

Jasnah turned her head to see Adolin _gliding_ toward her, faintly glowing with Stormlight. His face lit with joy.

Then he crashed forward onto his face.

"I told you you shouldn't try going straight to balancing on your feet!" Lift glided by, sliding on both feet with her knees bent, half crouched, with Wyndle made into a simple long pole which Lift held by the middle, ends out to her sides.

The last of the Voidbringers were retreating--some had even surrendered, and Jasnah was accepting them, though with suspicion--so, while they stayed on alert, they could begin to regroup. She was out on the first terrace level of the tower where she could survey the field but still direct goings on in the city without too much delay. The cold sun and fresh air felt good, refreshing and calming after all the horrors.

Adolin climbed back to his feet, momentarily frustrated, but his smile returned almost immediately. "Maya, do you want to show yourself?" He held out his hand and something like a small clump of vines appeared in his palm.

Jasnah looked at him with wide eyes."That's fantastic! How did it happen?"

"We were over closer to the Oathgate--" Adolin waved a hand "--nearly surrounded, just a small group of us getting cut off from the main bulk of the army, and the fighting was getting really intense.I was getting worried, and then a bunch of Fused showed up. I thought I was probably going to die. Then, I heard Maya's voice just saying 'words words words' over and over, and I knew what she meant, so I said them." He grinned broadly. "Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination. And it felt, well, like Maya came to life in my hands.She glowed, and then so did I, and all the fatigue I had from fighting just evaporated. All my wounds healed up. I can see why all you Radiants love Stormlight so much; it feels fantastic!"

She walked over to him and put a hand on his arm."Adolin, I'm so proud of you. Do you appreciate how monumental it is to bring a dead spren back to life? This could make a huge difference in getting the spren to trust humans again."

Adolin smiled at the little tangle of vines in his hand. "I hope so. I can see how that would be important. Right now I'm just happy it brought Maya back. I mean, I always thought of my Shardblade as more than just a sword, but now she's like a friend who's with me all the time."

_Like a boy and his new axehound pup._ "I am very happy for you. You've always thrived in the company of others." Jasnah patted his arm. "Now, get down to ground level and help apply Regrowth the wounded." She looked around and called out louder, "Lift, you too! And teach Adolin how to use his surges."

Lift skated back over and tapped Adolin lightly with Wyndle as she passed, nearly sending the young man sprawling again. "C'mon, sword boy, let's get busy."


	40. I Saw You Die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasnah and Kaladin have more feelings to deal with about what happened earlier.

Jasnah and Kaladin worked well into the night helping deal with the aftermath of the battle.Finally, exhausted and feeling she'd at least put out all the immediate fires, Jasnah caught Kaladin during a lull. "Would you come to my rooms for a little while before turning in for the night?"

He smiled. "Of course."

She held his hand the whole way. She'd missed this.

He still wore the remains of his uniform from earlier in the day, cleanly sliced at the waist, long coat tails cut off and the lower ring of his shirt slumped above his hips, leaving a gap of exposed skin. It was a stark, gruesome reminder of what had had happened to him. Jasnah had overheard no small number of people asking if that slice was what it looked like and and how he could possibly be alive now.

When they were in her sitting room, she pulled him onto a couch and sat across his lap, grabbing onto him with as much of her as she could, even curling her feet around behind his calves. He held her back with equal intensity, like he would have squeezed her with crushing strength but for consciously holding back.

She stroked his hair, enjoying his scent. He still smelled of sweat, but right now she was happy to breath it in. "I'm sorry I shut you out so thoroughly for so long."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I'm the one who was considering killing your brother and you're apologizing to me?"

"Just because one of us is apologizing doesn't mean the other shouldn't as well." She shot him a glance. "And no, I'm not saying you need to apologize again right now." She sighed. "I didn't deal with my feelings about Elhokar's death and it caused all that trouble, so right now I'm inclined to err in the other direction. And I'm undeniably still upset that I watched you die. Not nearly die. Not badly injured. Actually die. With your eyes burning out." She pulled back enough to focus on him. His eyes held a kind of frightened sadness. "Am I being terribly selfish and insensitive? Here I am being upset about seeing you die, and I haven't asked how you feel after actually dying."

He pressed his lips together. "I'm not sure. I do feel strange and unsettled. It doesn't help I have that creepy detached soul shadow like Szeth does. Maybe I should talk with him about that, see if he's found any good ways of dealing with it. He's a better man than I gave him credit for. I should have given him a chance sooner."

"I still need to give him a chance," Jasnah said quietly.

Kaladin stroked her hair, gaze unfocused. "I don't actually remember dying, which I guess is just as well. Last I remember was Moash coming at me and a spike of terror that his strike was going to hit me, and then...that strange dark place with things made of light. I think I saw you next to me, and then more things happened, but I don't know what they were--it was strange and I couldn't make sense of what I saw. I still don't know what was going on. And then next I knew I was gasping for breath and hurt all over, especially where the Blade had gone through me. And you were there, holding my hand. And I was so glad you were there."

She smiled and kissed his temple. "I do want to record a detailed account of what you experienced while you were dead."

He smiled wryly. "It can be just like the good old days, when I was just a research project for you."

"You were never just that. Even at the start, there was something about you."

"Could have fooled me."

"You probably didn't have a good first impression of me, did you?"

He ducked his head. "I really didn't like you at first. I kind of thought you were interesting, but especially after that first meeting where we yelled at each other, I would have been happy not to see you again."

"I suppose it doesn't really matter since you seem to like me well enough now, but I am sorry." She ran her fingers through his hair, deep down against his scalp like he liked.

"It all worked out." He kissed her cheek. "And you know full well I far more than like you."

"I know." She dropped her forehead against his, squeezing her eyes closed and clinging tighter to him. "I don't know how I'd have lived with myself if you'd died thinking I hated you--even aside from how I'd live with you being dead."

He held onto her like a drowning man to a raft. "I get to live and be with you. Right now those both feel like miracles."

\--

Scene continues in the uncensored offshoot of this work: [Finesse](/works/23372719/chapters/56408512)

The continuation is rated M.


	41. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin gets a proper birthday celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H/T to the story "Storms She Was Beautiful" on ffn: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13065769/1/Storms-She-was-Beautiful  
> While I was not intentionally borrowing ideas from it, I did read it before writing this, and since a scene here pretty clearly resembles one of the scenes in that, I thought it only fair to acknowledge it. Besides, it's the only other Kalasnah (Jasnadin?) fic I know of.

Jasnah had almost said it, right then and there, when he came back from the dead, but there was too much going on, around her as well as inside her.And now, after the heat of the moment, she wanted to do this right. Before all that mess over him being involved in a plot to kill her brother, she'd had an idea of how she wanted to go about it.She still liked that idea, and she still had time. Just about the right amount of time, in fact.

***

Kaladin paced outside Jasnah's rooms, waiting for her for their planned dinner.

That business with Elhokar was the last thing between them, right? Rationally he didn't think anything else would come up, but he couldn't help but worry; it was just how his mind worked.

He didn't know what the future might look like, for the world in general or him and Jasnah in particular, but he hoped it could include the two of them being together into the indefinite future. With how things were, he probably shouldn't expect to grow old, but if he did, he'd like to grow old with her.

_And if we do, she will get old before I do. It might start to matter then._

That was a concern for far in the future, and right now, a problem he'd be happy to have.

Jasnah strode down the hall toward him, regal and commanding as ever. Once he'd found her bearing off putting, but now he admired it. Not only was it so essentially her, he had enormous respect for her and did not begrudge her that authoritative demeanor. Jasnah deserved her power and wielded it like a scalpel in the hands of a master surgeon.

Attendants still in tow, she dictated something to one frazzled woman. As they neared, Jasnah dismissed her and she seemed all too happy to scurry away.

Jasnah stopped in front of Kaladin and her posture softened slightly. "Sorry. Meetings ran long. However much I expect the Azish to want to talk, they want to talk more."

He smiled, put an arm around her, and kissed her forehead. "I know things will keep you. I'm just happy I get to see you most every day."

After they finished eating, a silence fell, and Jasnah gave him one of her scrutinizing looks.

"What?"

"Your birthday is in three days, is it not?" she said contemplatively.

Kaladin nodded. "I missed by last birthday while I was in the bridge crews."

"Just...missed it?" Her eyes widened.

"I didn't exactly hear the date often, and I didn't keep track. Quite a year, going from the bridge crews to courting the queen of Alethkar."

"We'll just have to celebrate double to make up for it." She tilted her head. "Twenty one, right?"

He nodded.

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't really forget that you're younger than me, but I don't think often about quite how young you are."

He looked searchingly at her. "Does it bother you? We've never talked about it that much."

"Probably less than we should have."

He shrugged. "I've never wanted to make a big deal of our age difference.If you treated me like a child, it would bother me, but you never have."

She nodded. "And likewise, if I ever felt like you acted childish or especially immature around me, I would be put off. But, other than your surliness occasionally verging into petulance, you haven't. If anything, you're strikingly dour and severe for your tender age."

"I suppose that's fair." He nodded. "You've never seemed that much older. Wiser, more experienced, and you know more, but...I don't know, you don't _feel_ so different."

She narrowed her eyes. "But I remember being as young as you are and being a fool, or at least, foolish in many respects."

He scowled.

"I'm not calling you a fool.I wouldn't be courting you if I thought you were.But part of the problem with being young and foolish is it keeps you from realizing you're young and foolish."

"I suppose I can't argue with that."

She smiled playfully. "Well, you could, but it would be foolish."

"My style of quips has rubbed off on you."

She raised her eyebrows at him. "I've been turning quips back at people longer than you've been alive."

He chuckled. "Hm, weren't you the one who said the best case is if we can laugh at things like this?"

***

Jasnah sought out a particular artisan, a contact she made years ago not expecting to need, but now it was convenient she had someone she trusted for this particular task. He was a burly man, as those in his profession tended to be.

Jasnah waited until there was no one else within earshot. "I have a task for you that requires the utmost discretion. Tell no one, and let no one see you working on it."

The big man leaned forward on the workbench, conspiratorially, speaking quietly. "You be needin' some kind of nasty weapon or somethin'?"

"No. Quite the opposite." _Though the recipient will feel threatened by it._

***

Where Elhokar had thrown feasts every night at the Shattered Plains, Jasnah only conceded to throw feasts every couple of weeks, sometimes not even that often.Frequent feasts simply weren't a good use of time or resources, though the nobility lamented--griped about, really--the loss of frequent indulgence from their monarch. Hence, no one complained when she scheduled a feast that happened to fall on Kaladin's birthday.

Aloud, Kaladin protested, but she caught smiles and could tell he liked it. The other attendees puzzled at the simple vegetable stew that was served for one of the courses, but he caught her eye and gave her a look of quiet wonder.It was unlikely to be that close a match to the recipe he'd described as a childhood favorite, but he understood she'd had that made for him and what she was trying for.

***

Kaladin inspected the last present from Jasnah, the one she'd said he should open when they were alone. It was small, a couple of handspans wide, slightly longer in one dimension than the other, and only a couple of fingers thick. Had she gotten him a book? Was that the reason for privacy? Was she going to prod him into reading?

He lifted the top of the box.Seeing what was inside, he shrank back into his chair as he let the box fall closed again. "I turned down two sets of Shards not just because they felt wrong but because I didn't want to be a lighteyes. And now this..."

Her brow furrowed. "We discussed the possibility the very day I asked you to court."

"It was one thing when it was an abstract possibility. And besides, you said you thought marriage was a prison."

She got that very subtle tremble and downward tilt of her head that meant she was quite upset but trying hard not to show it. "Are you saying you don't want to get married?"

He grabbed her hand. "I'm not saying that. I just...what would my role really be, if we were officially married? It better not to be follow you around and tell a scribe which of your noble deeds to record."

She laughed and relaxed. "Both my mother and Aesudan were sometimes left running the capital while their husbands were absent, and that kind of thing is fairly common for a monarch's spouse. I would certainly trust you with that, but I'm guessing that's just the kind of thing you want to avoid."

He shook his head. "It's not that I'm afraid of the responsibility."

"No, I didn't think you would be. So what is the problem?"

He sat back, running his fingers through his hair, thinking. "It's the status change. It's that I'd have responsibility just because of the status."

She lifted her chin. "Then use it for good."

He grunted.

"I want to be married to you. If you have any suggestions about how to do that and not wind up putting you in a position of power you don't want...."

"I suppose it does sound like a silly objection when you put it like that."

"Not silly, but you are already using your influence with me for your own ends."

He looked up at her sharply.

"Of course you don't see it that way, but what else would you call coming to me demanding I change slavery laws?" she said gently.

"I don't like it, but you're right."

She drew her fingertips back and forth over his palm. "But it's not being married to me that bothers you, just the political and social status change?"

He nodded. "Maybe that's just the price I pay for being with you. I probably should have thought about that more sooner as well."

Her lips tightened. "If that's a price you're not willing to pay, I'd like to know sooner rather than later--"

He took her hand with both of his and squeezed it. "No. I want to be with you. If I have to deal with some discomfort, so be it."

She let out a held breath, closing her eyes for a moment before she replied. "I'm only the third monarch of the reunited Alethkar, which is a debatable entity at the moment anyway given that most of the country is overrun with Voidbringers.There's neither much recent tradition nor a lot of written laws to follow.How about this: you take on what you're comfortable with, and I'll try not to give you responsibilities unless I don't have anyone else who can take them. I can't imagine anyone doubts your leadership abilities; you wind up in charge of any group you're in before long. So to the extend possible, it won't be authority from me, but from your own natural tendency to lead."

He blushed but nodded, considering how that might that play out in practice. "I think I can live with that."

"Anything else?"

He glanced down at the box. "I wouldn't have to wear that all the time, would I?"

"Not if it bothers you so much. Just official functions would be enough."

He narrowed his eyes. "That doesn't mean every coalition meeting, does it?"

She smiled. "No." She rubbed his hand. "See if it fits?"

Hesitantly, as if handling something dangerous, he opened the box and pulled out the thin silvery circlet.At least it was unostentatious.Throat tight, he lifted it and and placed it on his head. _This can't possibly be right._

She reached up and felt all around where it sat on his head. "Needs to be slightly bigger.It should sit a little lower.Stays on better that way. I'll have the smith adjust it. We can add some slight bends so it fits your head closely."

"That's not the kind of discomfort I have wearing it." He already could barely feel it sitting there, and yet it screamed its presence to him as loudly as a dead Shardblade.

She stroked his cheek."I know."

A smile crept onto his face."It will be entertaining to see how people react to a crown sitting on slave brands."

She laughed softly, then her face grew serious, even shy."So, is that a yes? You want to get married?"

He leaned to kiss her."Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kmakl, Queen Fen's prince consort, only shows up briefly a couple of times, but in one of those, he is indeed telling a scribe which of Fen's actions and statements should be recorded.
> 
> There is a slightly-greater-than-T-rated chapter after this in [Finesse](/works/23372719/chapters/56001649).


	42. Not That One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adolin takes Kaladin shopping for a wedding suit, because of course he does. They talk about family.

Adolin bounded up to Kaladin looking entirely too cheery.

"I'm taking you to my tailor," Adolin declared.

"What? What for?"

"Even my father grudgingly admitted it was reasonable to not wear a uniform for your own wedding.We need to get you a proper suit to get married in."

"I don't mind getting married in my uniform."

"Nonsense.You're marrying my cousin, the queen.You need something better."

"I'm not going to talk you out of this, am I?"

"You are not." Adolin grabbed him by the elbow and tugged him along. "Ylrid is expecting us."

They set off toward the market. "You found another Thaylen tailor, then?"

"Indeed I did! Most of the best tailors are."

"I'll take your word for that."Kaladin laced his fingers behind his back. "Did you ever hear if Yokska and her husband made it somewhere safe?"

Adolin shook his head, smile falling from his face. "I really hope they're all right."He took a deep breath."Anyway, on a more mundane note, we also need to get you a highlord's uniform."

Kaladin nodded.

"What, no objections to that one?"

"The military rank is the part of this I'm least uncomfortable with."

"Other than actually marrying my cousin, hopefully."

Kaladin smiled. "Yes."

Adolin looked at him appraisingly. "You're really going to be part of the family now."

"Yeah."

"So are you officially going to be Kaladin Kholin, since you don't already have your own family name?"

Kaladin cocked his head. "I hadn't really thought about that. I guess so?"

"It would only make sense. Jasnah certainly isn't going to change her house name. I'm not sure she would have no matter who she married."

Kaladin smiled and nodded, "No, she would not. Convenient it's not an issue since she's marrying a darkeyes."

Adolin shot him a look, started to say something, then stopped, putting his hands up. "Sure, however you want to look at it."

Kaladin laughed, and they continued on to the market.

The tailor shop looked much like the one in Kholinar. Ylrid was a short, wiry woman who radiated nervous energy.She spoke faster than Lopen, so Kaladin was glad her Thaylen accent was minimal. She wore her long Thaylen brows in tiny fine braids that fell down the sides of her face, small ornaments tied into them. It was probably exceedingly fashionable, but it looked terribly inconvenient.

As she exuberantly took his measurements, she waxed poetic about all the wonderful things she was going to put into a wedding suit for him, and how she could make such good use of his height.

Several minutes into this, Kaladin stopped her. "Hold on. I'm not Adolin. I don't want a fancy suit. Just something nice and simple."

She looked positively aghast.

_Oh, storms, what have I gotten myself into? Those eyebrows should have tipped me off._

Between her and Adolin, they managed to talk Kaladin into something much gaudier than he normally would have agreed to, as decadent as Kaladin thought he could stand to be seen in. Adolin still thought it was barely enough to befit the occasion, and Ylrid seemed deeply disappointed she didn't get an excuse to go all out.

Blue with gold trim, the suit wouldn't have too many frills--less than Adolin wanted--but it would be a dramatically long, sweeping cut.

Adolin got a brief update on her progress on a suit for him--he got to dress up as a wedding guest of honor--and then Kaladin finally got to escape.

Through the market, he walked in silence, lost in thought. "It is odd.Dalinar is going to be my step father in law."

"Well, he's a good father. A few rough spots, but who hasn't had those?"

Kaladin chuckled. "I'd rather he stay just my commanding officer."

Adolin shrugged. "I've spent my whole life reporting to my father as my commanding officer. It seems entirely natural to me."

"My father is opposed to wars, and particularly to me being involved in them." Kaladin dodged around a tight clump of people walking through the halls. Urithiru was getting more and more inhabitants as people sought refuge.

Adolin made his way back to Kaladin. "He must be pleased that you're a Radiant, though, right?"

"I'm not sure. He was disappointed I had a Shardblade."

"Storms. Disappointment is not a reaction I would have imagined to a Shardblade or hearing your son as acquired one." Adolin looked troubled. "Your parents probably aren't coming to Urithiru for the wedding, are they?"

"I wish I could talk them into coming here, but my father is too stubborn."

"Well, now I know where you get that from."

Kaladin chuckled.

"If Father is your step father in law, that makes us sort-of brothers, by some convoluted logic of relationships."

Kaladin tried to keep his expression neutral, but Adolin had gotten too good at reading him.

"Is being my sort-of brother so bad?"

Kaladin's voice was quiet and rough. "No. I never told you about my brother, did I?"

"You mentioned a surprise baby brother...."

"Not that one."

Adolin looked at him, horror and understanding in his eyes. He spoke very gently. "Do you want to tell me about him?"

Did he? "Yes, but somewhere less public than these crowded hallways."

Over wine in Adolin's sitting room, Kaladin talked about Tien. Adolin got it; he could imagine all this happening to Renarin and how he'd feel about it.

Kaladin fell silent. Adolin looked at him with shining eyes. "I'm not even sure what to say to that. I'm so sorry. I think I'd have just lost my mind if the stuff you've been through had happened to me."

"I nearly did." Kaladin paused. "I never even told you much about life as a slave, did I? Or bridge crew?"

They talked late into the night. Shallan came in, gave Adolin a quick kiss, and went on to get ready for bed.

Adolin pressed his lips together. "I know it's no substitute, but you're welcome to treat me as a sort-of brother whenever you'd like."

Kaladin smiled. "Thanks. I might take you up on that."


	43. Hearthstone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin goes on a mission before the wedding and winds up in Hearthstone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: This chapter contains itty bitty spoilers, for just the first chapter of Rhythm of War. The first chapter was sent out in Branderson's last newsletter - and if you haven't signed up for that, what are you doing here reading my pale imitation? Go sign up and read that sample chapter! (I think if you sign up before the next newsletter comes out, you get the most recent one, which as of right now is the one with that sample chapter.) For those of you who don't worry about tiny spoilers, what I've used from that first chapter is that Kaladin shows up in Hearthstone disguised as a refugee to pick up a resistance leader named Dieno "The Mink" from Herdaz, who had four guards with him, and there's a Fused there when the singers see and recognize him. Laral, Roshone, and Kaladin's parents were helping to get Dieno through unseen. Anything other than that, including anyone with Kaladin, how the scene resolves, and his parents winding up at Urithiru, is my speculation/extension. What I have below picks up from the end of the sample chapter as sent out in the newsletter. I also don't know how long after the end of Oathbringer that scene is supposed to be set, so I figure "a few months" is fair game.

The Fused were dead, and the regular singers scattered.Kaladin had a reprieve, at least for a few minutes.

Kaladin ran to his parents' house, where he'd sent them earlier, and thankfully, they seem to have gone. Skar and Drehy, as well as Dieno and his men, followed. Syl flitted around them as a ribbon, still agitated from the fight.

Kaladin yanked the door open without knocking and found both of his parents there, discussing something in fierce whispers, which they ceased as soon as they saw him.He strode to them and took his father's arm. "If you stay here, you won't be the town surgeon, you'll be dead. They're not going to let you go now that they know you're my parents. Please, just come with me. You'll be safe where I'm going."

Lirin hung his head. "Fine."

Kaladin relaxed, at least partially. "It'll take us a few hours in the cold, so bring extra clothing."

"In the cold?"

"Yes. You'll see. Don't worry about bringing anything you can part with, just enough to stay warm. I'd rather get out of here as soon as possible."

"There's a highstorm coming soon. Won't we have to wait until it passes anyway?"

Kaladin smiled."No.We're going to ride that home."

Lirin swallowed, but to his credit, he did not balk or flinch.

"I'll get Oroden ready." His mother turned and went deeper into the house.

Kaladin hadn't realized Laral had been at the back of the group, trailing behind with Dieno's men.She pushed her way forward and grabbed Kaladin's arm. "Please, can you take us too? They know about our involvement in getting Dieno through."

Kaladin drew his mouth to a line. "Fine."

"My husband too?"

Kaladin gritted his teeth but said, "Yes."

Syl finally slowed her rapid motion, turning into a young woman and settling on his shoulder."I'm proud of you for that."

_I will protect even those I hate, so long as it is right._ It still wasn't easy, but Roshone had helped with the ruse, odd though his part had been. Right now, he deserved to be protected, much as it galled Kaladin.

***

When Kaladin got the group got close to Urithiru, he tried to make out some of what was going on in the hope of not having to search quite so much after they landed. There was some troop activity on one of the floors near the bottom, so he took them in there.

He landed them in a pocked of quiet next to a bustle of activity.He turned to the group he'd brought."Everyone all right?" They all nodded, but he scrutinized them more carefully.Dieno looked excited and ready to get busy planning or fighting; his men weren't far behind him. Skar and Drehy were smiling; they'd enjoyed the flight and their mission was a success. His parents looked spooked but well enough. Oroden, blessedly, was happy enough, clinging to his mother but looking around with interest. Roshone was pale and unsteady, and leaned on Laral to stay upright. Laral seemed tired but resolute, which was good enough for now.

Kaladin walked to the edge of the crowd and flagged down a messenger passing by."Do you know where Dalinar is?"

The messenger's directions led only a couple of sections away, so Kaladin decided to walk and gestured for the others to follow him.The crowd was thick, but most of the people who'd seen him fly in made way as he approached, which normally made him uncomfortable, but in this case, he was happy to have his parents and brother not get jostled in the fray.

Further in the tower, they encountered one of the few remaining squads of forest green Sadeas uniforms, and the crowd became harder to move through.A couple of men shouldered past him roughly. Kaladin gritted his teeth and let it slide, though he did glance back at his parents.At least they seemed to be giving his mother and Oroden space, and Dieno's men had fallen in around the civilians.

When one Sadeas soldier actively shoved him out of the way, Kaladin turned to glare at him.

"Who are you looking at?" The man practically spat the words at him.

Kaladin was dressed in rags and by now his eyes would have faded back to brown. He was even slouching. He still looked like a refugee. And a runaway slave.

"I'd rather not have this discussion again right now, friend," he said, reaching his hand almost straight up, summoning Syl above the heads of the passing crowd. He hated asserting authority by right of Shardblade, but it was the quickest way, and didn't result in anyone getting punched.

The soldier's eyes went wide and he stumbled backward. "You're _him_."

Kaladin dismissed the Sylblade and turned on his heel without another word. A murmur spread through the crowd, which now parted for him as he walked like eastern grass before a galloping horse.

Laral came up behind him. "You do like to use that thing to get your way, don't you?"

Kaladin's cheeks warmed. "Bad timing. You've been around for two out of only a handful of times I've done that. And besides, I really just wanted them to stop jostling my parents."

"And how long have you had the Shardblade?"

"Better part of a year."

Laral scrutinized him, gaze flicking from his now-blue eyes to his forehead."You must have quite a story."

"You have no idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt the need to add Skar and Drehy being along with Kaladin because otherwise it just seemed like too many people (nine adults plus a toddler!) for him to transport alone.


	44. Can We Give My Parents A Few Minutes To Recover Before Telling Them Anything Else Shocking?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaladin's parents meet the Kholins.

Lirin was happy to be on solid ground, even if that ground was an impossible tower city from myth, and they were surrounded by a sea of soldiers. The level of deference these people showed Kaladin was almost as surreal. He may have been a Knight Radiant and grown tall as a Horneater, but he was still Lirin's little boy.

Lirin caught sight of motion above him just in time to see another man who could fly come down next to Kaladin.

"Gancho, look what I can do!" the wiry Herdazian said, holding his hand out. Another Shardblade dropped into the man's hand, mesmerizing as Kaladin's Blade.

Kaladin slapped him on the back."Congratulations, Lopen!"

"Naco prefers to be a blunt weapon," the man, Lopen, said.The Blade morphed to something more like a club."I think he got the idea from Wyndle."

Kaladin chuckled as if that string of words had made any sense.

Dieno walked up to Lopen and slapped him on the back as well. "Ah, it's good to see a countryman who's managed to become a Radiant!"

The... _Shardclub_ disappeared, and Lopen slapped the man's shoulder in return, then they did some kind of strange, complicated gesture to each other."Keep up the good fight, cousin," Lopen said.

"Wait, Dieno The Mink is your cousin too?" Kaladin said.

"Sure, Gancho." Lopen grinned.

"Never enough cousins!" Dieno agreed.

Kaladin cocked his head.

Lopen put a hand up. "Oh, not literal first cousins, but I'm sure we're cousins somehow."

Dieno nodded. "Herdazian cousins."

Kaladin just shook his head and sighed. Lopen looked around at the rest of the group, and Kaladin gestured toward them."These are my parents and my baby brother."

Lopen's eyebrows rose high."Your parents!" He turned toward them and pointed his thumb at Kaladin. "Good job on this one. Kept us all alive more times than I could count, sure, and I count real good."

Kaladin smiled awkwardly and for a moment, he looked more like the boy Lirin remembered. The expression passed, and Kaladin stood up tall again. "Anyway, we still need to find Dalinar, and I heard he was this way."

They set off walking again, Dieno and Lopen falling into conversation in Herdazian.

Lirin exchanged glances with Hesina, who walked with a subtle stiffness that other people probably wouldn't see. "Would you like me to carry Oroden for a while?"

"Maybe later. Right now I'm happy to have him close."

Lirin would have been happy to have the boy close too, but he would make do.

They rounded a tight curve--this place didn't seem to have corners--and found several guards at a door. They nodded to Kaladin and opened the door without a word.Inside, there was a small cluster of men talking.

Kaladin called out, "Dalinar!"

A tall, broad man turned toward Kaladin. "Good to see you've made it back safely, soldier. Your mission was a success, I take it?" The imposing man looked over their party, presumably searching for Dieno.

"Yes, sir," Kaladin said, leading them through the line of soldiers and gesturing Dieno forward. Kaladin gave a quick report, and the three of them plus the others who'd already been in the room fell into discussing military matters. Kholin seemed to show particular care for Kaladin's state and opinions, more than Lirin would have expected, even treating him as an equal.

Highprince Dalinar Kholin, a man whose legends loomed large, and yet who, if anything, loomed even larger in person. He stood tall as Kaladin but with the build of an east-facing wall, huge and solid.This man had slaughtered his way through all the princedoms that wouldn't bow before his brother.One of this generation's greatest murderers, and he was standing right here in front of Lirin. Having a friendly conversation with Lirin's son.

"Sir," Kaladin said, "I hate to step out of this discussion, but I want to get my parents settled somewhere so they can rest after the trip here."

A young man with mixed black and blond hair looked at them, eyes wide. "Your parents!"

Kaladin's eyes narrowed. "Adolin, you sound surprised I have parents."

"Even though you've mentioned them, I suppose deep down I still imagined you were forged directly from some kind of primordial energy, bridgeboy."

Kaladin shook his head, letting out a suffering sigh.

Highprince Dalinar Kholin turned toward them and looked directly at him and Hesina for the first time. "Welcome to Urithiru." Kholin stepped closer, offering a hand. He towered over Lirin, who tried not to cower back too much and hoped his hand wouldn't be crushed in the handshake."Your son is one of the finest men I've ever met, a hero many times over.You should be proud."

"Ah...thank you, Highprince Kholin."

"My son Adolin is officially highprince now," he said, gesturing to the younger man with the mixed hair.

"Oh, sorry for not introducing myself," Highprince Adolin said, reaching out to shake Lirin's hand as well. A highprince was apologizing to Lirin for not introducing himself?

"Dalinar is head of the Knights Radiant and ruler of Urithiru," Kaladin added.

Not highprince anymore. Just head of a bunch of people with impossible powers and in charge of a mythical city.

A tall, stately woman with silvering hair wearing a brilliant red havah came in from a back hall.

The elder Kholin turned to her. "Gemheart, come meet Kaladin's parents."

So, this must be Navani Kholin. Lirin had heard word of the scandalous relationship between the old king's brother and his widow, but he'd been a bit skeptical until actually seeing them.

Highlady Navani had the same curiously high level of interest in them as everyone else. "I trust you've gotten settled in comfortably?" she asked.

"We were just about to get to that," Kaladin put in quickly.

Navani's eyes widened, then she turned back to Lirin and Hesina. "Have you been dragged around the tower with a bunch of soldiers all afternoon? And carrying a baby, no less?I'm surprised you're still standing! Let's find you a place to stay.Oh, and you're welcome to leave Oroden with Gavinor and his nurses whenever you'd like."

"They can stay with me," Kaladin said, "I have a room I don't use." That would be the quickest, and he did actually want to spend some time with his parents and brother.

Lirin turned to him. "You have a suite by yourself?"

Kaladin shrugged. "Jasnah insisted."

Since Kaladin had referred to King Elhokar without any title, was it a surprise he was doing the same with the new queen? Why didn't that get him in trouble with these people?

Laral raised her hand, looking between Kaladin and the queen mother. "Where should we go?"

Kaladin gestured with his head back the way they'd come. "There's a big room full of refugees getting registered and assigned locations in the tower."

"Nonsense!" Navani said. "I'll get you set somewhere."

Laral looked at Navani with relief. "Thank you."

Kaladin leaned in to Navani and spoke quietly. "Don't put them in the Kholin section."

Navani's brows drew together, but she said nothing and nodded.

Just as Kaladin was turning to lead his parents back out, a tall, commanding woman walked in from the back corridor. She looked much like a younger version of Navani, and she wore a thin silver circlet on her head. 

So, this would be the new queen, Jasnah Kholin.

Lirin breathed deeply and evenly, trying not to shake.

Kaladin and the queen smiled at each other."I saw you fly in, but I was on the floor above.I'm glad to see your safe return." She looked Kaladin up and down. "Trying to blend in with the refugees?" He was still in the ragged robe he'd been in when the Fused identified him, of course.

He nodded and gave her a sarcastic smile. "Yes, I'll go take a bath."

She tilted her head."That's not what I meant."

Kaladin stepped closer to the queen, saying something too quiet for Lirin to hear.

Should Lirin say something? He worried now about how Kaladin behaved toward lighteyes, after seeing him punch Roshone.Kaladin was being far too familiar with all of them, but especially the queen. Oddly she didn't seem to mind.

The queen turned toward Lirin and Hesina, keen violet eyes taking them in. "I'll see that you get settled in a suite in my uncle's section of the tower."

Lirin bowed deeply. "We don't need anything so fine, Your Majesty."

"Nonsense. You'll be family; you should have appropriate quarters in our section." 

Lirin blinked several times. What could she possibly mean by that? They were already Kaladin's family.

The queen, seeing his confusion, went on, "Kaladin didn't tell you, then?"

Kaladin looked at the floor, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand."Not easy to converse while flying, and we didn't exactly have time to chat while we were on the ground."

The queen hooked her arm around Kaladin's elbow. "Your son and I are engaged.Your arrival in Urithiru is timely at least in that respect: we had planned to have the wedding soon after his return. I'm glad you'll be here to attend."

Lirin couldn't do anything but stand there slack jawed.He probably missed some of the conversation.Shockspren appeared in the air around him, pale yellow triangles breaking around him. Blue leaves appeared too, joyspren, and he turned to see them centered on Hesina. Her face lit with wonder and she clutched Oroden tightly.

*

"Congratulations, Kaladin." Laral looked at Kaladin with wide eyes, expression unreadable besides surprise.

Roshone looked like he was about to be ill, but that could have been the aftereffects of alcohol. Either way, Kaladin couldn't help but feel a tiny bit of guilty satisfaction.

Kaladin's parents were statues of shock.He put a hand on each."You two going to be all right?"

His mother managed to speak first. "Married? My son and...you really are the queen of Alethkar?"

Jasnah nodded.

"But...we're not even lighteyes." Lirin looked between Kaladin and Hesina.

Jasnah sighed."Please don't worry about that.Suffice to say the Vorin emphasis on eye color is misplaced.Consider this: we have two Heralds wandering around the tower, and they both have dark eyes."

His parents grew even paler.

Kaladin turned toward Jasnah. "Can we give my parents a few minutes to recover before telling them anything else shocking?"

"Is there much else shocking they should know and don't?"

He grimaced."I can think of a few things." _The Almighty is dead. We're the Voidbringers. Humans destroyed our previous planet using Surgebinding_. Would they have more or less trouble with those than their son being a Knight Radiant and about to marry the queen? "Anyway, for now they can stay with me."

"Fine," Jasnah said. "We need to talk about wedding plans."

"Yes. After my parents and brother get some rest."

Jasnah smiled at Kaladin and he gave her a quick kiss, then shepherded his parents out before anything else alarming or overwhelming happened.


	45. Not Scary

For once, Kaladin was glad that the crowd made it hard to hold a conversation or walk anything but single file. He'd been figuring since his first trip back to Hearthstone that he'd tell his parents about his life, but not imagined how that would actually go. Now they were here, and that conversation would surely come up soon. What was he going to say? If someone he loved told a story like what he'd lived, it would feel like a stab in the heart.Of course he didn't want to put his parents through that.Still, what was the alternative?Leave things out? Make light of it? He was used to dark humor with Jasnah, but his parents weren't like that, not even his mother.

_I was betrayed and sold into slavery, and then had my spirit beaten down until I barely felt human. Bridge crew was a living nightmare worse than I would have imagined possible._ Those were honest statements, but he couldn't say those to his parents, even if they said they wanted to hear.

*

Lirin followed his son through what felt like miles of an indistinguishable maze of tunnels. He kept catching glimpses of a faint white glow trailing Kaladin. At first he assumed it was Stormlight, but it didn't look like that. He'd seen it in Hearthstone but thought he was imagining things, or that it was the fog. No, there was something not quite right about it; it was unsettling.

The crowds they'd started in felt like they were all soldiers, but there had been a lot of refugees mixed in. This area, though, really was all soldiers. Kaladin led them deep into this area that must be for the armies, into a suite larger than their house in Hearthstone, surgery included. He gestured around. "Welcome to my rooms.Plural. And with you here, I'll finally have some use for all this furniture Navani insisted I have." He dropped his arms. "Though I suppose I'll be moving out in a week anyway, and as Jasnah said, we'll set you up with rooms in the Kholin section of the tower."

Lirin took a step closer to his son. Even with everything going on, his mind was stuck on one thing. "You're engaged to the queen?"

"Queen of Alethkar, most brilliant scholar of her age, and still the only Elsecaller since the Recreance." Kaladin nodded. "Yes.The wedding is in a week."

"So that will make you...?"

"Prince consort. She said I'll only have to wear a crown at official functions. I suppose it will be a nice accent for the slave brands." Kaladin seemed so...flippant about this. 

Hesina put a hand on Kaladin's arm. "Son, how is it you're engaged to the queen?"

"She interviewed Radiants about our powers.She and I found we got along."

Lirin narrowed his eyes. "There must be more to it than that."

"There is."He sighed."It will take a while to fill you in on everything since I left to join the army, even if I keep it all short."

"Son, I'd like to hear everything you're willing to tell us."

"Let's get cleaned up first, then. We'll all be more comfortable that way." Kaladin shook his head. "All the complaining I've done about spoiled lighteyes and here I am, annoyed at this robe and eager to get back to my comfortable uniform. This thing does itch, though." He pulled the rough garment off, revealing an appalling collection of scars on his torso and arms. Lirin shuddered thinking of everything the world must have done to his boy. _Severe lacerations from multiple incidents, healed slowly without proper treatment for infections. Burns..._

Kaladin caught his expression. "I wish I could tell you it's not as bad as it looks, but this is all from before I could heal with Stormlight."

"I..." What could Lirin say to that? "I knew right away those slave brands meant you must have had a rough time, but...."

Kaladin put his hands up. "I don't want to make you worry too much, but I also want to tell you what's happened. Just remember, I'm still here, and despite everything, I'm all right. I've even got a good life now, despite the war."

The four of them got settled in the rooms, with Oroden finally getting put down for the nap he'd needed all afternoon. Blessedly, he'd gone to sleep right away. The only other time Oroden had slept away from home had been those few nights after the first coming of the Everstorm, staying at the manor while Lirin worked day and night. Perhaps it had been the general trauma of the time, but Oroden hadn't slept at all well then.

It was good that Oroden could sleep here. There wouldn't be any going back home now.

Lirin set that thought aside. _Be glad you're all safe_ , he reminded himself. He put his arm around Hesina as they sat on one of the luxurious couches across from Kaladin, still discussing practical things like how to get around this strange tower and where to get clothing.

There was a knock at the door, and Kaladin sprang up to get it.Queen Jasnah herself walked in, jewelry and fine clothing gleaming, crown understated but unmistakeable.

She seemed less intimidating than she had earlier, but it was a matter of degrees; she still had a commanding presence. Lirin and Hesina stood immediately, bowing so they were nearly bent double. Was that enough? Should he drop to his knee before her?

"You don't need to do that." Jasnah's voice was kindly, though still with an underlying tone of power that Lirin suspected was always there. "I'm quite serious that you are going to be part of the family and should behave as such. If you're not comfortable having me here or want to speak with your son in private, say so."

"I hope you don't ask her to leave, though, because I haven't seen her in two weeks." Kaladin put his arm around Queen Jasnah, pulling her head toward him and kissing her forehead. She smiled, sliding her arm--her safearm--behind Kaladin's back.

His son really was with the queen of Alethkar. And it was not a political alliance. They seemed genuinely fond of each other.

Lirin found his voice."Of course. Please. You are welcome to stay. I suppose we should get to know each other."

The four of them sat, a couple on each of the two couches facing each other. Lirin moved stiffly, keeping his eyes on the queen, and his wife paralleled him.

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything." The queen looked between the three of them.

Kaladin stroked her hair idly and looked toward Lirin, who said, "I was going to ask Kaladin about what happened since he joined the army, but I'm guessing you've heard all that."

"I may have heard most of it, but not all in order, and I'm sure different particulars will come up."

Lirin and Hesina still sat straight-backed on the edge of their couch, not leaning into the plush cushions. Kaladin narrowed his eyes at them. "Relax. Really." He pressed his lips together. "I was going to tell you she's not scary, but that's not true in general. She shouldn't be scary to you, though."

Should Lirin even ask what Kaladin meant by the queen being scary in general? Was it more than just that presence she had? The queen didn't seem the least bit chagrined at Kaladin saying she was scary; that was troubling in its own right.

Before Lirin could come up with the right question, Kaladin went on, "I have an idea to make her less intimidating."

Lirin's son then proceeded to pull out the queen's hair spikes, leaving her thick curly hair to tumble free, and then removed her crown, sticking his hand through it so it dangled around his forearm. Part way through the queen started laughing softly, relaxing into an unguarded smile, looking at Kaladin with unmistakeable affection.

They were...cute together.


	46. Unexpected Light

Lirin wound up calling on his breathing exercises several more times that evening. The stories that followed were a string horrors too awful to consider deeply mixed with wonders from myth and legend. And Lirin's son being almost impossibly heroic. Queen Jasnah added to some of it, often pointing out how Kaladin was downplaying his role. Much as Lirin hated war, he couldn't help but admire a lot of what his son had done. Some of the words from earlier came filtering back to him. _Your son is one of the finest men I've ever met, a hero many times over. You should be proud._ From Dalinar Kholin, one of the most powerful men on Roshar, highprince or not. And uncle of this woman, the queen.

The queen was surprisingly affectionate and supportive, and Lirin could see the pain and empathy in her, even as he dealt with his own horror at what happened to Kaladin. And more than once, she told him something along the lines of, "Stop blaming yourself. That was not your fault."

Well, she did seem to know Kaladin.

At one point, there was a lull in the conversation, and babbling sounded from the bedroom. Lirin went to retrieve Oroden. Kaladin's eyes locked onto the boy as soon as they came in.

"Would you like to hold him?"

"Very much." Kaladin held out his arms, and Lirin handed the boy over.

Kaladin got his brother situated on his lap. "Hey, Rockbud, this is Jasnah."

Oroden responded by hiding his face against Kaladin, bonking his head on his older brother’s rib cage. Kaladin smiled and kissed the boy's head.

Seeing Kaladin holding his brother made Lirin's chest twist with a surprisingly strong mix of feelings. Amidst all the dark horrors, it was a glowing joy that his sons would get to spend time together as brothers. Kaladin had always been so protective and cared so much for Tien; it warmed Lirin to think of Oroden getting a big brother like that. And there was something very right about seeing Kaladin holding a baby.

Oroden became absorbed with chewing at the fine filigreed silver buttons of Kaladin's jacket, and the older brother laughed and stroked the boy's already-full hair.

"Sorry, he's teething," Hesina said. "I'll get him something to chew on besides your uniform."

She stared to stand, but Kaladin held up a hand. "It's fine." He looked down at the boy with heart-warming fondness. "So, what have I missed about this little guy? I don't even know his birthday."

It was only fair Kaladin should turn the questioning back on them, and better they talked on mostly-lighter topics anyway. No sense getting all worked up with Oroden there; it would only upset him.

*

Kaladin could have sat there a long time holding Oroden, sitting next to Jasnah, and hearing stories about his new brother and his home town. It filled a part of him he didn't know was empty.

It was odd, all this time talking with his parents after only seeing them once, briefly, in the last nearly six years. Part of him kept wanting to fall back to how he'd been as a child, and that warred with the part of him that wanted to show them how he'd changed, which in turn conflicted with the part that wanted to spare them the full brunt of his life.

Still, while it had been painful, it had gone better than he expected, and he felt better having Jasnah with him.

Thus, it seemed all too soon when Oroden got fussy and hungry, and Hesina took him back to the bedroom to feed him.

Jasnah stood. "I'm afraid I have work I need to finish up tonight."

Kaladin stood with her. "I'll walk Jasnah to her rooms and I'll be back after." He hadn't gotten a chance to talk alone with his soon-to-be-wife since getting back, and he had missed her.

As soon as they got out of his door, the edge of tension he'd felt in Jasnah all evening softened. They were alone in the halls, so Kaladin leaned toward her asked quietly, "What's the matter?"

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're tense. Or at least you were until just a minute ago."

"Meeting your parents."

"You were nervous? Meeting my parents?"

"Yes. Isn't that normal, being nervous meeting your significant other's parents for the first time, or even subsequent times?"

"Well, yes, but...." He gestured at her.

"You've told me your father was upset you'd become, in his words, a killer, and that was his reaction to you getting a Shardblade. I fully expected him to dislike me. It's easy to make the case my family is a bunch of bloodthirsty power seekers."

"I wish I could assure you they wouldn't think that way, but...well, I'll talk with them."

She shrugged. "That didn't go as poorly as I'd feared."

Kaladin's father probably would have more to say about the Kholin family, but no sense troubling Jasnah with that now.

*

Lirin was lost in thought, busying himself with mundane tasks around the room, when Kaladin returned, stepping briskly after closing the door, and that white afterimage trailed him.

Lirin pointed at where he'd seen the thing. "Son, what's that white light I see following you sometimes?"

Kaladin's expression grew stony and he put his hands up. "I'm fine. It doesn't cause any problems. It just looks odd."

Hesina leaned forward. "You wouldn't say that if there weren't something to be concerned about."

Kaladin's posture fell, and he thought for a long moment before replying. "Apparently this is something that happens if you get brought back just in time. Szeth has it too, even more than I do, and he says it doesn't seem to affect him either."

Lirin's breath caught, but Hesina asked with quiet forcefulness, "What do you mean, brought back?"

Kaladin sighed and closed his eyes. "I was dead for a few minutes." He opened his eyes. "Jasnah brought me back. Or at least, she retrieved Renarin, who actually has the surge of Regrowth, which can bring back the recently deceased."

Lirin caught a glint by Hesina from the corner of his eye. That had been a tear falling.

Kaladin's brows drew together, and his tone was apologetic. "I warned you there were still a few more shocking things to hear."

Lirin looked his son over again, as if trying to really convince himself that Kaladin was all right. He looked well enough, if harsher than he had as a boy, in his fine army uniform with its long tails, his eyes bright blue, but full of the concern he'd always been quick to show.

Hesina sat up straight, slapping her hands on her thighs. "Before we get to any more of that, would you tell us how you wound up engaged to the queen? Unless that also has too many shocking things?"

Kaladin smiled, his demeanor changing completely. "No, that's a much happier story."

Lirin hadn't realized how much he'd needed to hear about something good happening to his son until Kaladin started talking.

As Kaladin drew up to the present, Hesina laid a hand on his arm. "I'm happy you've found each other, but..." She paused. "Isn't she...older than you?"

Kaladin shrugged. "Yes. It seems to bother other people more than either of us."

Hesina spoke carefully."She's near as old as I am, isn't she?"

"She's 35.Does that bother you so much? It's not like we haven't talked about it.We both feel like equals." He shrugged."Even if we both acknowledge she usually has more sense than I do."

"Well, that's good, but..." Hesina trailed off.

"Mother, what's bothering you?Usually you just come right out and say things."

She looked at the ground, and then back at Kaladin."Well, women often have trouble falling pregnant at her age, and it only gets worse as we get older."

Kaladin's cheeks flushed."Oh, that--you're thinking about grandchildren already."

Lirin clasped his hands. "It is a natural thing to think about, hearing your son is about to be married."

"I suppose so." Kaladin looked at his mother. "Wouldn't you have been 39 when Oroden was born?"

"Yes, but that is unusual."

Kaladin shrugged."I'm not sure what else to tell you. I don't think either of us is going to change our minds because of that."

"No, I'm not suggesting you shouldn't be with her, just...don't delay."

Kaladin blushed even deeper, looking away from them.

"I just want you to happy." Hesina put her arms around him, and he returned the embrace with a smile. "And I'm so glad you are."


	47. Monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised 2020-04-25: see end notes for details

Kaladin pulled his uniform coat from where it hung in his wardrobe and froze. Right behind his one good coat was the uniform that had been sliced through at the waist. He'd left on the expedition that had ultimately taken him to Hearthstone shortly after the Battle of Urithiru and hadn't gotten around to repairing the uniform. The shirt just needed to be sewn back together, but the coat tails were missing, probably blown down to the valley thousands of feet below. He sighed and hid that behind another shirt, not wanting to be reminded of it quite so directly right now--nor wanting to remind his parents of how much violence his life contained.

Kaladin shrugged on his coat and was just about to to head up to a meeting when Lirin emerged from the room he'd put them in.

"Good morning. Did you sleep all right?"

Lirin tilted his head to the side. "Better than I expected, at least."

His father didn't look tired; it was...something else. He was contemplating.

"Father, what's the matter?"

Lirin's expression hardened into one Kaladin was familiar with, one that could mean several things, but none of them good. "You're going to be part of the Kholin family."

Kaladin nodded, chest tightening.

Lirin sighed heavily. "You and the queen do seem happy together but...storms, Kaladin, they're mass murderers. Dalinar is a warlord who's got all of Roshar worried about what he might do."

It wasn't a surprise--he'd all but expected his father to say something like this--but it still twisted at his heart to hear. "He's...not like his younger self. Everyone agrees he's changed a lot in recent years, especially since his first wife died."

"Killed in a fight he picked."

Kaladin closed his eyes heavily, drawing in a breath. "What would you have me do? I'm not leaving Jasnah."

Kaladin's father was silent for a while, then spoke quietly. "Don't be like them. You could still choose to be a healer instead of a killer."

"No, I couldn't," Kaladin said, barely above a whisper. "Humanity needs defenders. They'll kill us all if they get their way. Do you want me to let that happen, if there's something I can do to prevent it?"

"I don't think it's going to be like that, son. People in power always want to make their self-aggrandizing fights look better justified than they are. Hearthstone wasn't as different as you'd think under the singers. I won't say it was the same, and many of the singers were angry at humans, but day to day life was much the same as it was--other than all the refugees coming in, which was because of the resistance in Herdaz."

Kaladin put his hands up. "I've spent time with the former parshmen. I know they're just people, good people. But whatever individual singers might think, Odium wants to wipe out humanity." Kaladin dropped his hands, shaking his head. "Look, I didn't want to weigh you down with all this, but we're fighting something with all the power of the Almighty, but it's evil. It's pure hatred. And it's going to destroy us."

Lirin shook his head. "People have been demonizing other people's gods as long as people have been around. And even if it is driving this war, do you know for sure it's going to destroy all of humanity? Did it say that itself? It hasn't sheltered any humans that don't fight it?"

Kaladin was going to object, but stopped. _Moash said Odium took him in and took care of him_. He shook himself. He couldn't start thinking like that. He did want to protect individual singers, but there was no doubt about their god. "Odium made no effort to hide his desire to destroy. He told Dalinar directly."

"Hm. Dalinar, the very man who's leading the fight against him, trying to get all of Roshar to unite under his banner, and no one else heard that, right? You just had to take his word this Odium said such things? That's convenient, isn't it."

Kaladin's face grew hot. "Father! Dalinar isn't like that. It's a coalition of equals. And it's right to defend humanity from Odium."

His father looked old, worn and sad. "Just think about it, son. You can still change your mind."

_I really can't._ Kaladin said nothing aloud, marching briskly out of the room. The irony was not lost on him that he was heading to a meeting about military strategy, one in which Dalinar would try to talk the Azish emperor into his own approach.

***

As people were filing out of the strategy meeting, Kaladin leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, chewing his lip. He caught himself doing that these days. Had he done that before meeting Jasnah?

"Something bothering you, son?" Dalinar stood before him, looking at him with those ever-unfathomable blue eyes.

_Funny you should use that word_ , Kaladin thought at Dalinar. "My father...isn't really happy about all this."

Dalinar raised an eyebrow. "He doesn't approve of you marrying the queen?"

"It's not Jasnah and I specifically. It's, well, he doesn't approve of war. He doesn't want me to be involved in any of this."

"Then I'm guessing he especially disapproves of me and my bloody past."

Kaladin hung his head. "Yes sir."

Dalinar nodded slowly. "That doesn't surprise me, given what you've said about him. Is it going to be a problem?"

"It's not like I'm going to take my duties any less seriously."

"But it will cause tension between the two of you."

"Yes," Kaladin said weakly.

Dalinar grunted, not speaking, but nodded, looking thoughtful.

***

Kaladin walked down a poorly lit corridor in the Kholin section of the tower, and started when he saw a familiar face he didn't expect here: his father.

As they approached each other, Kaladin raised an eyebrow at him. "Navani getting you your own rooms already?"

Lirin shook his head, looking resigned. "Your mother suggested taking Brightness Navani up on her offer for her grandson's nurses to look after Oroden for a while so both of us could talk with the surgeons here, see if I might find a place with them."

Kaladin smiled. "I'm glad you're getting settled in."

His father grimaced. "It is what it is and we will make the best of it."

Kaladin put a hand on his father's shoulder. "I wish things could have gone differently, but I am glad to have you and mother and Oroden in my life now."

"They still can go differently."

Sighing, Kaladin dropped his hand. "We've talked about this."

"Yes, and you haven't said anything yet about changing your mind."

"What do you want me to actually change my mind about? I am going to fulfill my duties as a soldier. I'm not backing out on that. Nor am I going to leave Jasnah."

Lirin leaned in to speak quietly, despite the deserted hall. "Don't join those monsters. Storms, I was reluctant to even leave Oroden with that boy who's probably going to grow up to be another warlord, if he lives that long."

Kaladin felt heavy. "Could you at least get to know them as people before you write them off as monsters?"

"What more do I need to know besides their actions and the results of them?" His father's face was hard, showing strata of anger about dealing with the human effects of violence over the years.

Kaladin put up his hands. What could he say that would actually convince his father? "Look--"

More voices echoed down the hall, one very familiar, the other with a heavy Azish accent.

"...unique perspective among monarchs, since you've experienced some of the roughest living conditions first hand. You have an understanding of the common people that most of us can't, so it's only appropriate you should lead this arm of our actions."

Dalinar emerged from the deeper shadows, talking to Yanagawn. Kaladin saluted by reflex. Lirin bowed.

"At ease, soldier."

Kaladin shifted to parade rest. "Sir, is this some strategy discussion I should have been present for?"

"We may have a more formal planning later, and if so, I'll see that you're invited. For now I just wanted to get the Prime's thoughts without a lot of bureaucrats around."

The young emperor spoke with careful enunciation. "Brightlord Dalinar and I were discussing how best to keep civilians out of harm's way as we plan our next moves." Yanagawn's Alethi was much better than it had been even a few weeks ago. His eyes moved to Kaladin's father, who'd gone pale again. "I haven't seen you in any of the coalition meetings; are you one of the advisors?"

Kaladin put up his hands, "Ah, no--"

Yanagawn looked between them and his eyes widened. "You are Radiant Kaladin's father, are you not?"

Making another small bow, Lirin stammered, "Yes, your...majesty?"

Yanagawn looked around, mask of formality dropping. "Your Excellency is the official title, but since none of my viziers are around, you could just call me Yanagawn. Or even Gawx."

Kaladin smiled at that. He'd heard Lift use that name, but then, Lift called people a lot of strange things. Gawx didn't sound much like a diminutive of Yanagawn, but they were Azish.

Lift careened around the curve where the others had come from. She often accompanied Yanagawn when he was in Urithiru. Lift's feet started slipping out from under her, but she summoned Wyndle as a staff just in time to push off the ground and pitch herself upright. "Didn't fall!"

Not far behind her, Adolin glided smoothly down the hall, moving gracefully from one foot to the other in long strides with his hands behind his back, as if he'd been doing it his whole life.

Coming to an awkward stop, Lift turned and stuck out her tongue at him. "That's not fair."

Slowing evenly to a halt, Adolin drew up to them, nodding toward the others. Dalinar gave him a broad smile, looking proud. Adolin turned back toward Lift. "I have spent my whole life doing things that required a lot of agility and footwork. That is quite an advantage."

Lift rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but it's been, like, _two weeks_. That's starvin' unnatural."

Adolin smirked. "Almost three," he said with mock seriousness. "And Maya and I have been bonding for a long time." He patted his lapel with a smile.

When Kaladin had left on his most recent expedition, Adolin had worn Maya as an epaulet decoration. Now he seemed to have coaxed her into becoming the frills he couldn't have on his uniform, giving him long, leaf-like waves wrapping along his coat collar up behind his neck and coming all the way down to his waist. Maya did seem a great match for Adolin's sense of fashion.

"Still not fair, sword boy." Lift gave Adolin a dirty look.

"The girl is right, Adolin," Dalinar said. "You have taken to being an Edgedancer remarkably quickly."

Adolin stood tall and beamed.

Lift flung her arm up and pointed at Dalinar. "See, even tightbutt agrees! Not fair."

_Tightbutt?_ Was Lift using that to refer to _Dalinar?_ Kaladin cringed, but Dalinar was chuckling. "Lift, you are one of a kind."

"Starvin' right I am." Lift skated to the railing, bounced off it, and kept going, weaving around the group.

Dalinar turned to Lirin. "Have you seen Radiants with the Surge of Regrowth work their healing? It's quite remarkable."

Lirin stood up very straight. "No, Brightlord."

"Perhaps Adolin or Lift can demonstrate. Both my sons take shifts with the surgeons healing wounded. I believe Renarin is down there now."

Kaladin half turned to Lirin. "My father was about to go talk with the surgeons to find a place with them."

Dalinar smiled. "I'm sure they'll be happy to have another skilled pair of hands."

"I didn't finish the full surgeon's training," Lirin said. "Never did have the chance to study at Kharbranth myself." He looked at Kaladin pointedly, but said no more.

Kaladin clenched his teeth and looked at the floor.

"I'm sure the surgeons we have will be happy to fill you in on anything you're missing, and there's a reasonably extensive library," Dalinar said.

"I don't know how much time they'll want to spend training an old man like me," Lirin replied quietly.

"I'm older than you, and I think I've learned more in the last year than I had for decades before that." Dalinar shook his head. "It took me months to figure out that the Bondsmith's powers are all about putting things and people together, or back together. I spent far too long dividing, but this old axehound is finally learning new tricks." He smiled. "Even some I'm not supposed to, like reading."

Yanagawn was nodding. "I am glad to see Alethi men learning to read. Brightlord Dalinar is an excellent role model."

Lift skidded in and collided with Yanagawn, sending him stumbling. He scowled at her.

"Anyway, food?" Lift asked, spinning.

Yanagawn sighed, shaking his head, and turned to Dalinar. "I think the farmlands in central Yezier would be a good place to shelter people since it's far from the fronts and it'll be easier to keep people fed."

"I meant lunch, by us, now," Lift said.

"That's a good idea, Your Excellency," Dalinar said. No one seemed to listen to Lift when she wanted food, which didn't seem right. "Much as I'd like to bring everyone to Urithiru, it can't support everyone."

"Hey, here's a fancy word I learned from the tutors: victuals! That also means food."

Yanagawn rolled his eyes. "Lift, we already had lunch. It wasn't even that long ago."

Lift looked sheepish. "Yeah, I already burned off most of that."

Dalinar gave her a kindly smile. "There's a kitchen down the hall--" he pointed ahead "--that way, and take the second right."

"Thanks!" Lift shot off in the direction indicated.

Adolin shrugged, looking apologetic. "We're training. Theoretically." He turned and glided off after her.

Dalinar nodded to Kaladin and his father, and he and Yanagawn kept walking, continuing their conversation.

Kaladin leaned toward his father, speaking quietly. "You'd probably like Renarin best of any of the Kholins. He's a healer and a scholar. Hardly a violent bone in his body."

Lirin nodded, lost in thought. "Perhaps I'll meet him soon." He'd watched all this with the expression of weary bemusement that he seemed to have had most of the time since arriving. "I told your mother I'd come right back."

Kaladin nodded. "Of course."

Lirin didn't start walking, though, so Kaladin didn't either, waiting.

"I suppose it's only fair if I give Brightlord Dalinar the benefit of a doubt that he might have changed," his father said.

Relief flooded Kaladin and a broad smile spread on his face. "Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suspect in practice Dalinar would have wound up using his Bondsmith language abilities to make Gawx more comfortable, but I think it's reasonable Gawx would be learning Alethi and want to practice while he was there--and it makes it so everyone can converse without translators.
> 
> Revision 2020-04-25: all in the last scene: improved wording in a few places; added conversation between Lirin and Dalinar; added Kaladin's comment about Renarin at the end.
> 
> Edit on earlier chapter 04-28: Those of you paying very close attention might have noticed I botched the timeline - I originally had 2 weeks between the battle of Urithiru and Kaladin's birthday (at which Jasnah proposes) and then Kaladin commenting last chapter he hadn't seen Jasnah in 2 weeks, making 4 total. That's not compatible with the not-quite-3 since the Battle of Urithiru that Adolin mentions here. Instead of changing the recent chapters, I decided to go back to the birthday one and make the delay only 3 days. I like that better anyway; 10 days seemed like a long time to wait to propose after that battle, and it's plenty of time for a little smithing and feast-throwing.


	48. Take Good Care Of My Boy

Jasnah walked into the small conference room to find her mother, Kaladin, and his parents already seated and speaking quietly. Kaladin's parents stood and bowed.

Jasnah put out a hand toward them, palm forward. "You don't need to do that. Really."

They both looked uncomfortable but nodded and sat back down.

"Thank you for joining your own wedding planning," Navani said, at once playful and chiding.

Jasnah gave her a tight smile. "I'm sure you'd have it all planned out even if I didn't do a thing myself." She sat in the open chair next to Kaladin.

Navani spread out several papers on the low table between the chairs. "Since we're finally all here, let's get started. Most everything is worked out, but there are a few things we waited to work out until Kaladin returned, and I'm delighted Kaladin's parents are here as well." Navani looked to them with her most winning master diplomat smile, the one that helped sway so many to Gavilar's cause. Would Kaladin's parents appreciate that, or just find it manipulative? Or was Jasnah projecting her own courtly interpretations on these good country people? She hardly knew them, and she needed to fix that.

Navani looked back to her papers. "First: the highstorm forecast was updated while Kaladin was away. Now there's one predicted while the wedding is going on. That shouldn't be a problem as long as everyone schedules their travel appropriately. Do any of you mind?"

The others looked dubious, but Kaladin's eyes gleamed."Perfect."

Jasnah eyed him."You would have chosen that on purpose, wouldn't you? To have the wedding during a highstorm?"

"It seems like all the important changes in my life have been accompanied by highstorms. So yes, it feels right to have the wedding during one."

Navani nodded and made a note. "Next: some details of the ceremony itself. I know my dear daughter doesn't want anything too tied in with the church, so I wanted to consider a wider range of options. I decided to forgo suggesting the traditional cutting of palms and mixing of blood."

Jasnah wrinkled her nose. "That's a wedding tradition? From when and where?"

"Alethela, obviously quite a while ago."

Jasnah narrowed her eyes. "Where did you hear about that?"

Navani shifted in her chair. "I've...been doing a lot of research on wedding traditions."

"Mother, didn't you marry Uncle Dalinar on the roof in the middle of the night with just a few people present?"

"Yes, but I've already had one big wedding. I didn't feel the need to go through all that again."

"Yet you want to go through all this for my wedding." Jasnah tapped a finger on the table.

Navani smiled. "Of course. You're my daughter and the queen and I want you to have the best experience possible."

Jasnah resisted rolling her eyes. "Even I will concede a royal wedding should be an event. Still, please tell me you didn't occupy a lot of the scholars doing research on marriage ceremony traditions."

Her mother sniffed. "Only a handful."

Jasnah sighed.

As if physically changing the topic, Navani turned to face Kaladin's parents and plastered her diplomat smile back on. "Are you willing to perform the traditional parents' roles at the wedding?"

Hesina sat up straight. "I'd be delighted to."

Lirin gave Kaladin a long, appraising look, so much Jasnah started to worry. Finally Lirin sighed and said, "I won't make things difficult."

Kaladin relaxed slightly, though he still looked troubled. She reached out to squeeze his hand, and he squeezed hers hard in return. The traditional parents' roles were bound to come up, and she didn't need to ask to know Kaladin had been anxious about that, and Jasnah had been as well. Lirin's response might not have been ideal, but at least he didn't refuse.

Kaladin's father cleared his throat. "Who is officiating the wedding, if I might ask?"

"You mean, do we have an ardent who's willing to perform a wedding for a professed heretic?" Jasnah smiled at him. "Don't worry, I'm not offended if you mention it directly. Rest assured, I have arranged someone to officiate who I judge will be satisfactory to everyone." She looked at Navani. "And Mother arranged a backup, just in case." Jasnah's planned officiant was admittedly a little off.

Navani went through a long string of options for the ceremony. Toward the start, Kaladin said he preferred less extravagant options, and after that mostly just shrugged. Jasnah expressed a few preferences, but mostly just told her mother to pick whatever she found appropriate.

Navani sighed. "I'm going to wind up planning everything about your wedding even if you are here, aren't I? No, don't answer that." Navani waved a hand, then started on the list of who'd responded to invitations (hardly anyone was going to miss a queen's wedding) and some seating issues, for most of which Jasnah simply told her mother to find something that worked.

Navani checked her list, making more notes. "That's all I had. Anything else?"

Jasnah turned to Kaladin. "You're not moving into my rooms after the wedding."

He looked back with alarm. "What?"

"We're both moving to a different set of rooms. On the outside of the building. With windows and a balcony."

A broad grin spread across his face.

She softened. "I do worry too much, and you're probably right that it isn't a serious threat. Keeping a large supply of Stormlight in the room is a better precaution." She paused. "And you need wind to live."

He squeezed her hand again, rubbing his fingers in her palm. "Thank you."

Navani cleared her throat. "So that's everything for now?" She looked around, and everyone nodded.

As they began to stand, Jasnah turned. "Hesina, please stay for a moment longer. I'd like to speak with you privately."

Kaladin's mother nodded, half way to a bow. "Yes Your Majesty."

They both sat silently, looking toward the door as the others filed out of the room. Shooting a dubious look back, Kaladin departed last.

"You really can call me Jasnah, especially when it's just family and friends around," she said softly.

Hesina met her eyes. "All right...Jasnah." She cleared her throat. "What is it you wanted to speak with me about?"

"I was hoping to get recipes from you for any dishes Kaladin was particularly fond of as a child."

Hesina's smile spread all the way to her eyes, crinkling them at the corners. "Of course. That's very thoughtful of you."

"Could you write them down and have them sent to my mother? I'd like to make it a surprise for him."

Hesina pursed her lips. "I think I'd have to cook and write down what I'm doing as I go."

"I don't want to trouble you too much--"

"No, it's a lovely idea. I don't mind; I'm quite used to cooking." Hesina looked at her slyly. "You've never had to cook, I'm guessing?"

"I had to cook a few times while I was stuck in Shadesmar."

Hesina leaned forward and spoke conspiratorially. "All these things, the stories I heard as a child...I wanted them to be true, but of course I thought it was just fancy. Then Kaladin not only returns from the dead, but flies and summons a Shardblade that can change shape and says he's a Knight Radiant! My heart about burst." Her face glowed with pride. "Of course I don't want him swept up in a war, but I accept the necessity more than my husband."

Jasnah smiled. "You're the one who told him tales of old heroes, then, I take it?"

"Of course. All the stories I grew up with." She glanced toward the door. "Sometimes without Lirin hearing."

Jasnah laughed softly, studying closely the woman before her. As Kaladin's mother became more comfortable, the resemblance between them came out. That particular playful glint of the eye was definitely something Kaladin had gotten from her.

Hesina's gaze went distant. "You've been in Shadesmar too, then? Kaladin mentioned it last night, but it fell in with a thousand other things I want to ask him about, and we've barely been here a full day now. What's it like, the Kingdom of the Spren?"

Jasnah considered only a moment before offering. "I could show you if you'd like."

Hesina's eyes went wide and she clutched the fabric of her skirt. "Really? How? Is it safe? Will we get trapped?"

Jasnah put a quieting hand up. "Elsecallers have a particularly strong connection with the Cognitive Realm. There's a big difference between entering it physically--which is how both I and Kaladin, as well as my cousin and his wife, wound up stuck there--and entering it mentally, which carries risks, but again, as an Elsecaller I have enough control to minimize those. You don't have to, of course, as it can be unsettling, but if you'd like to, I'm happy to take you for a brief visit."

Hesina nodded rapidly.

Jasnah double checked her sphere pouch to make sure she had plenty of Stormlight, then dropped them into Shadesmar.

Their feet came down on the sea of beads, but by now Jasnah had enough practice not only to summon something under them immediately, but to make it springy enough they didn't break their ankles landing. They both stumbled but managed to remain standing.

Sucking in a breath, Hesina turned and looked all around herself, scurrying backward a couple of steps when she noticed her shadow pointing toward the small pale sun.

Jasnah walked to the eastern edge of the platform she'd made, pointing ahead of her. "If you look closely, you can see an island in that direction. It's a shame it's not closer. The trees are my favorite feature of Shadesmar. They look like crystal. Really quite strikingly beautiful."

Hesina walked up beside her, eyes wide. A large rippling blue blob like a chunk of congealed smoke came crashing down around Hesina's head, and she screamed, cowering down and putting her arms up to shield herself.

"Don't worry, it's just an awespren. Usually the only part you see is a single ring at the bottom, which looks like it's expanding, but it's more like a contact point rolling outward on an invisible surface." Jasnah extended a hand to help her up. "When spren manifest in the physical realm, it's usually only a small part of them that becomes visible."

Hesina continued to look around, but crossed her arms, and her expression was more wary.

"We can leave if you'd like. It's your first visit. This may be more than enough."

Hesina's brows drew together. More and more Jasnah was recognizing Kaladin's expressions on her.

"Yes, I think this is enough for now, thank you."

Jasnah pulled them back into the physical realm. Hesina gasped, finding herself back in her chair. She gripped both arms of the chair with her hands. "That may be the strangest experience of my life." She met Jasnah's eyes. "And one of the most amazing."

"I'm glad you liked it."

Hesina got that distant thoughtful look again, another familiar expression. "Since Kaladin was a boy, I thought he was one of the best people I've ever met, but I figured some of that must be because he's my son. But seeing all he's done and become, and especially if he's marrying someone like you...well, maybe it's not just a mother's love."

Jasnah smiled fondly. "It's not just you. He's one of the best people I've met as well."

Hesina leaned forward and put her hand on Jasnah's, hesitantly at first, then more firmly. "I'm so happy for both of you, Jasnah. Take good care of my boy. He's softer than he lets on."

Jasnah's eyes grew moist. "I know."


	49. A Small Guest

Navani stepped into the nursery. Apparently she'd just missed Kaladin's father, which was unfortunate, but there was a curly-haired toddler sitting on the floor next to Gavinor.

She knelt down next to them. Slowly and clearly, she said, "You must be Kaladin's brother Oroden. I'm Navani."

The boy looked at her with the wide unblinking eyes only very young children had. "Hello Nabani."

Navani smiled. Even at this age, Oroden had the same serious, contemplative expression as Kaladin. She couldn't help the strand of wistfulness that threaded through her heart at the thought of babies who looked like Kaladin, foolish as it was...but then, Jasnah had said she wasn't interested in getting married either before meeting him, so who knew? Still, best not to get her hopes up, and asking, if it had any effect, would only make things worse. She had one grandson, miraculously alive against the odds.

Gavinor, dear boy, sprung up and grabbed two stuffed toy soldiers, well worn in only the few months Gavinor had been here. He handed one to Oroden. "We can have them duel!"

Oroden took the doll and his face drew in concentration, mirroring Gavinor's actions. He held up the doll's arm, pointing the little felt sword at Gavinor's doll. Gavinor mock-parried, then launched into what was effectively a single long sentence that was a meandering mix of dueling rules, conventions, and strategies, that sort of made sense and mostly even seemed correct.

Gavinor tried a lunging move with his doll and some of the stitching on the arm tore. Gavinor pouted and slumped, but Oroden put his doll down and reached for Gavinor's.

Oroden looked seriously at the broken stitches. "Fix."

Navani put her hand on the boy's back. "You want us to fix the doll, dear?"

Oroden poked at the exposed stuffing in the shoulder. "Fix like dada."

Of course. The surgeon's son.

She kept becoming more delighted to get Kaladin as a son-in-law.

***

His father caught Kaladin as soon as he entered his rooms. "Son, I'm going to help the surgeons out with some extra wounded who've come in, and I'd like to bring your mother as well; any chance you could watch Oroden this evening?"

Kaladin hesitated. He was going for stew with Bridge Four, something he hadn't done in far too long.

That didn't mean he couldn't bring a small guest.

He smiled. "Yes, I'd be happy to. I'm going out, but I'll take him with me."

Indeed, much as Bridge Four cheered when Kaladin showed up, they cheered even more when he introduced his baby brother. The boy must have gotten a good nap that afternoon, because he seemed happy and curious about all the new people.

Rock insisted on taking Oroden on the pretense that Kaladin should have his hands free to eat. As soon as he got him, the big Horneater sat down with the boy on his lap and spoke seriously to him in Unkalaki. Soon the boy was getting passed around among the crew, clapping his chubby hands as they made faces at him or did tricks for him, many involving Lashings. Kaladin kept track of where his brother was, but he settled into familiar habits, eating and laughing with his men, whom he he hadn't spent near enough time with lately.

At one point Kaladin lost track of where Oroden was and had a spike of panic, only to find Oroden sitting on Lopen's lap, listening with rapt attention as Lopen told some fantastical story about saving a city and becoming a king...and did he say something about a giant flying lizard? _Breathing fire?_

***

Someone made a little bridge four uniform for Oroden, complete with a miniature patch. Kaladin didn't know who. Jasnah got an unguarded smile upon seeing it, but swore it wasn't her. Kaladin's father was clearly uncomfortable with the idea of his baby in a uniform at first, but his objections died when he saw how the men treated his sons.


	50. They'd Be Yours

"I didn't expect to see you much this week since your parents just arrived, but I'm happy to all the same." Jasnah pushed the door of her room shut behind Kaladin, then wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.

Lips barely separated from hers, he said, "We're about to get married. If I had my way I'd spend every moment with you." He kissed her again, more deeply, cradling her head in his hands. "But at least I know you're up late, so I can stop by after everything else settles down."

He smelled like smoke and hearty food. Swaying against him, she said, "You went for stew tonight?"

He nodded. "Brought Oroden with me too. Of course, the men loved him."

As she brushed her fingers through his hair, brief, subtle expressions flashed across his face, affection, then concern.

"You've got something on your mind," she said quietly.

He grimaced. "My parents brought up something I'd been kind of ignoring."

"They were asking about grandkids, weren't they?"

He tilted his head, scrutinized her. "I don't know how you came up with that. See, this is why I keep thinking you can read my mind."

"It's dangerous to assume I can read your mind." She fixed him with a serious gaze, then relented. "But in this case, you were just speaking fondly of your baby brother. The night you returned, you were conspicuously taken with the boy, and your parents seemed quite pleased by that." Her expression fell. "Navani probably knows better than to ask such questions, or maybe she's been long since resigned to only having the one."

Kaladin tensed. "Does your mother know something here that I don't?"

Jasnah squeezed her eyes shut. This conversation did need to happen. She stroked her hand down Kaladin's arm. "You assumed getting married implied having children, didn't you?"

He nodded, casting his eyes downward. "Yes."

She bowed her head, sighing."This is something we definitely should have talked about sooner."

His eyes glistened. He looked like he was holding back tears. Oh, storms, she couldn't stand to be the reason he wept, not again so soon after she'd been so harsh to him, not after watching him die.

She had to make sure she had the right answer from herself, though, one she could hold to the rest of her life, not because one of the options hurt now.

She'd thought she'd settled this question years ago, but life was very different now. How did she feel about this, really? As soon as she asked, she knew. And to her surprise, it was not the reaction she feared.

"I never wanted children before, but I would have yours." She squeezed his hand.

He still looked scared. "But you're not looking forward to it."

She wanted to hold him and tell him everything was fine, but rationally, it was too important to be honest about something like this. "Seeing the joy on your face would make it worth it. You are so clearly cut out for fatherhood, I couldn't deny it to you."

"It wouldn't seem right, asking you to have kids just because I want them." His voice was rough.

"I did enjoy spending time with my brother and my nephews as they were growing up. When Renarin was a child, I may have been with him more than his father was." Kaladin looked dubious, so she went on, more gently, "Look, it's not something I would have wanted independently, but I can see the appeal...with you. They wouldn't be just any kids; they'd be yours. Yes, it's a concession, but not something I have no desire for myself."

"I--" He cut off, voice catching. "Thank you.That's quite a concession to make. I don't want to pressure you into something like that, but yes, I do very much want children, much as everything going on would make me terrified for them. I just want to know that you're sure."

"I wouldn't say this without being willing to follow through on it. That is something we need to agree on, one way or the other. I should have brought it up sooner."

"At least we're talking about it now, before the wedding."

Before she could think about how much the question scared her, she asked, "Would you break it off if I said I wasn't willing?"

He pressed his lips together."I would be torn.I can't stand the idea of losing you, but not having the option of kids... That would hurt too."

"Well, it isn't something I ever expected to say before I met you, but yes, I'm willing to have your children, Kaladin Stormblessed."

He blushed and his eyes shone."Thank you. I'm really glad to hear that." Kaladin finally looked happy again and the whole room felt less heavy.

Still, if they were going to talk about this, they weren't done. "You do understand I'm not going to be their primary caretaker, correct? My duties will still occupy almost all my time. I expect I'd see them about as much as a busy noble father sees his children."

Thankfully, he didn't tense up or look upset. "That part I was expecting. As long as you show them affection and see them enough you aren't a stranger."

She smiled wryly. "I'm not going off to a multi-year siege like my brother did, if that's what you mean."

"Maybe." His eyes darted around. "Fine, that was what I meant." His expression softened. "Also I intend to spend as much time with them as possible."

She smiled. "Of course." She chewed her lip. One more important point. "How many would you have, if it were up to you?"

He smiled. "Lots. A whole passel of them."

How many was _a passel_? Shallan was one of five, already a lot for a noble house. That seemed like an awful lot of time being pregnant, even if it included a set of twins, an unlikely bit of luck. "I don't know if I could manage that, but we'll see. One of the few real problems with our age difference: I don't have all that many childbearing years left." She paused. "And it depends how much I wind up disliking being pregnant."

He laughed and pulled her closer. "You're already assuming you'll dislike it."

"I've heard enough unpleasant things about it. I have the impression most women don't enjoy the process, even if they very much want the results."

He leveled a serious gaze at her. "You are not most women."

She smiled. "True." She chewed her lip. "And perhaps women confess their doubts about marriage and children to me much as people confess their doubts about religion to me. Go to the person who's already proclaimed what they fear to admit."

He shrugged. "I have no idea how women feel about being pregnant, but I hope you're right that you have a biased sample. And besides, isn't Shallan having a fine time? Adolin mentioned other women envying how Stormlight seems to fix any complaint she has."

Jasnah raised an eyebrow. "I'll ask her about that. Hopefully it works the same for me."

He stroked his fingers through her hair and she leaned into his palm, closing her eyes. He kissed her cheek and said quietly to her ear, "How about we say at least two?"

"Assuming no practical considerations prevent us, all right."

He kissed her, tenderly, full of care and attention. Yes, she did want to have this man's children.


	51. Steal Her Rain Coat

Kaladin marched briskly down the corridor. He seemed to be late to everything these days. At least this was a social call.

Skar and Drehy rounded a corner from the other direction. "There you are!" Skar said.

"Yes, and I'm on my way somewhere else," Kaladin said, not slowing.

Skar and Drehy trotted up on either side of him, each grabbing one of his elbows, and forcibly turned him. "You're coming to stew tonight," Drehy said.

Kaladin tried to point, somewhat in futility. "I'm supposed to meet up with Adolin right now--"

"You will." Skar grinned at him.

They marched Kaladin out to the fire pit, where all of Bridge Four were milling about. When they saw him, they cheered.

Adolin was there too, and he spun toward them. "You found him! Excellent!"

Skar and Drehy released Kaladin's elbows. "What's going on?" Kaladin asked.

"Pre-wedding feast in honor of the groom!" Adolin shouted, and everyone cheered again.

It turned out Rock had _two_ special stews going, one for tonight and one for the actual wedding feast, both of which he'd been tending for days. Adolin had a few tables of fancier food brought in, as well as a fine selection of wines and ales. Some of the men carried in rockbud husks and stoked the flames up to a bonfire. Soon everyone was eating and drinking and laughing, and the evening was passing quickly. Even Dalinar stopped by to offer his best wishes and share a cup of orange.

At one point, Kaladin wound up by himself for a moment and was just thinking of stepping away for a break when Lopen sidled up to him.

"You know what the secret of a good marriage is, Gancho?"

Kaladin sighed. "All right, what do you think the secret of a good marriage is, Lopen?"

"Gotta keep them surprised."

"Surprised?"

"Yeah. Like, surprise her with gifts in the middle of the night, maybe climb in through the window--that one's gotta be real good for us Windrunners, sure."

"If I wanted her to think I'd gone insane."

"Or tell her of your grand adventures, and then have her guess which stories are true."

"Lopen, where do you come up with these things?"

"From my extensive experience with the ladies, of course!" Lopen stood tall, fists on his hips.

"Right." Should Kaladin try to escape from this conversation sooner rather than later?

"And you know what else: bracelets. And savory pies. All very important."

"I'm not even sure what to say to that."

Lopen raised a finger. "Oh, and the other most important thing: you gotta steal her rain coat."

" _Steal her rain coat?_ Why on Roshar would I do that?"

Lopen winked at him. "Well, you want your lady to get wet, don't you?"

Shaking his head, Kaladin sighed and walked off toward the privies.

Rock caught him on his way back. "Fearless bridge leader, I must tell you this thing."

Kaladin stopped. "What do you need to tell me?"

Rock put his hands up, and his expression grew serious. "Marriage, this thing is not easy."

_Another one?_ Kaladin shrugged. "We get along really well, and we really care about each other. We'll figure it out."

Rock moved his hand as if to brush away something. "You might think it is obvious, but it is not. You listen to her, and you take seriously what she says."

"You've met her. She's queen and a force of nature. It would be hard not to." Kaladin smiled fondly as he thought of her.

Rock shook his head. "That is not enough. Listen seriously. For feelings. Things unsaid. Believe her when she tells you things."

"I do that," Kaladin said, defensive.

"Then you do better than most. Pay attention to this thing. Do not grow complacent.It is easy for men to fail in this."

"I'll...keep that in mind."

Rock clapped him on the back with his usual jarring force. "I wish you best of luck and happiness in marriage."

Kaladin smiled. "Thanks."

Kaladin walked back into the circle and sat back on his stump. The fire had burned lower and there weren't quite as many people around. Adolin had disappeared for a while, but now he was walking back into the group. He plopped down next to Kaladin.

Kaladin narrowed his eyes at him. "Are you here to offer me marriage advice too?"

Adolin snorted. "Storms, no. I'm here to get you to drink more." He put up his hands, as if to forestall. "And before you object, we can both burn off the alcohol if we need to, so I can't even see how it's a violation of the codes."

Kaladin sighed. "Fine."

Adolin grinned. "Excellent, because I have this nice bottle of blue wine that I've been saving for a special occasions, and I only had a single cup of it before my own wedding." He pulled out a bottle and two cups from a pack he'd been carrying. "Now I can burn it off even better than you can." He poured two cups and raised his. "Let's make a dent in this thing."


	52. Better And Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By popular demand, the former love interests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read "put away childish things" (https://archiveofourown.org/works/5307485) by liesmyth not long before writing this, so now I have some of that as headcanon for Laral's background, particularly the stern nurse Masha and her disapproval of Laral being a tomboy.
> 
> Okay, real talk: I feel like this chapter is kind of weird and uncomfortable. I've revised it several times now and I think I'm finally okay-ish with the emotional path it takes. It's still weird. It does not offer a neat resolution. You've been warned.

_The day Laral arrived at Urithiru_

Laral tried very hard to take in everything the queen's mother was telling her, but she was overwhelmed by everything from having to flee the only home she'd known, to the flight over a highstorm, to this impossible tower city. And Kaladin - moody little Kal whom she'd hunted lurgs with and occasionally thrown flatvine pods at - was not only a Knight Radiant and friends with Dalinar Kholin, but marrying the new queen of Alethkar.

The next day was largely occupied with figuring out this new place they'd wound up in. The queen mother had been very kind to Laral and her husband, getting them in some nicer quarters in a sector mostly filled with lighteyes and their servants.

In some quiet moments, it would pop into Laral's mind to wonder why the queen was marrying Kal. She would have no political motivation to marry him, would she? Laral never been involved in courtly politics more than occasional gossip from Kholinar by spanreed, but that just didn't make sense. Was it because he was another Radiant? Was that enough of a political reason?

Was it actually a love marriage, by someone of the highest rank? That seemed even more odd.

She had been fond of Kal when she was young, but she'd long since grown out of that. It seemed he'd only become more insufferably righteous and self-absorbed since then. Well, perhaps a woman who could rule over Alethkar during a Desolation would prefer a man like that. Laral hardly knew anything about the new queen.

The impending royal wedding was the talk of the tower, though, and that inescapably meant she heard and overheard a lot of stories about Kal. She listened to them grudgingly, wanting to contradict their glowing words, but she felt like too much of an outsider. Opinions varied, of course, and plenty did think he was harsh or frightening, but a great many spoke of him like a Herald.

A few days after she arrived, there was a particularly large group of refugees coming in, and Laral was asked to help organize them and get them settled. She wasn't sure how much use she would be, but she was happy to take on lighteyes' duties again.

It turned out most of the morning's work only required scribing, room assignments, and telling people where the markets and privies were. Around midday, she sighted Kal, who of course made his way toward her through the crowd.

"What brings you here?" she asked, looking down to finish a note she was making.

"Word was someone up here had a windspren following them, so I was hoping we might have another Windrunner. Sadly it looks like a false alarm."

Laral looked up to find Kal scrutinizing her with strikingly bright blue eyes. What was he looking for?

Laral was on the end of the line of refugee organizers, near the side of the hall, and the crowd happened to have moved to the other side, so she and Kal had a bit of room to talk. Laral cleared her throat. She owed him a few words, even if they galled her. "I feared you'd become a bully with an all-powerful Blade, but word around Urithiru about you is quite flattering. Tales of your heroism abound, and I heard what Dalinar Kholin said to your father."

Kal blushed.

"Strange to think I prodded you to win a Blade when we were children, then thought badly of you when you actually got one. I may have judged you too harshly. It seems your sense of rescuing people has actually worked out."

He ducked into his shoulders, looking suddenly very much as he had as a boy.

"I didn't get a chance to thank you for getting me and my husband to safety."

Kal bowed his head, posture going tense. "It was the right thing to do. You did help, both of you."

More quietly, Laral said, "You hate my husband, don't you? Really hate him."

A muscle in his jaw flexed. "He sent my brother to die over a misguided grudge. I may not be seeking revenge, but I'm not exactly going to let that go."

Laral crossed her arms. "I guess we both have things to be angry about."

Kal's head snapped up. "What are you angry about?"

Laral sniffed. "After my father died you never even came to see me, never checked how I was doing."

"I did try to see you! I walked up to the manor but your nurse sent me away quite sternly. Said it wasn't proper for you to have boys visiting and I shouldn't bother you."

He had tried to visit her?

Curse Masha for turning away her friends just because they'd been boys.

Laral had felt so alone, betrayed in a way by those boys she thought were her friends when they did nothing while she was in so much pain. But he had tried. Of course he had. If there were someone who looked like they needed saving, Kal would try.

"I guess she didn't tell you I'd come by. Three times, actually. Despite how she'd treated me the first two."

She looked up at him--he had gotten quite tall--and his eyes looked so sad.

"You did care after all."

"Yeah." He swallowed. "We have a lot of foolish ideas when we're children, don't we?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You never really cared back, did you? Not like that. That was our fathers' idea, trying to put us together."

"Why do you think I encouraged you to win a Shardblade?" She snapped the words back at him before she had properly considered them.

Kal looked taken aback. "I...never thought of it that way. I figured it was just general heroism and what boys were supposed to want."

Laral rolled her eyes. "For being such a clever boy you can be so dense sometimes."

"I hadn't thought about that in years! And I know I was an idiot back then."

Laral shook her head. Some old, settled ideas were shifting in her like broken paving stones waiting to twist an ankle, and she wanted to tamp them back down and smear them with crem. "Anyway, it doesn't matter now, does it? You're marrying _the queen_."

"Yeah, I guess it doesn't." He took a deep breath. "Goodbye, Laral."

He turned on his heel and started to walk away, but Laral called after him, "Kal, wait."

He turned back. "What?" His expression was hard again, the boy gone, the soldier who'd survived Damnation returned.

The words stuck in her throat, but she got them out. "I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"I've...been unkind to you."

He looked at her searchingly. She couldn't blame him for being confused.

"I just...don't want us to hate each other." Laral crossed her arms.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Did you just admit you hate me?"

Laral threw her hands up. "Are you trying to make this difficult, right after I apologized?"

Kal's harsh expression softened, and he just looked tired. "I don't hate you. Just...you aren't the girl I grew up with."

"No, I'm not, and you're not the boy I grew up with."

He smiled wryly. "I could have told you that. Hearthstone feels like several lifetimes ago."

She crossed her arms. "There you go, being dramatic again."

Kal looked around at the crowd. "You have refugees to keep track of, don't you?"

Laral pressed her lips together. "Yes."

He nodded, and slipped into the crowd.

***

Kaladin pushed his way through another throng of refugees. Going by the accents, these were from northern Alethkar. There might be some from Hearthstone, but there were any number of small farm towns out that way, not to mention Mourn's Vault, which had far more people than anywhere else in the region. It was unlikely he'd see anyone else he knew, and right now he was fine with that.

More refugees were showing up all the time. The tower was still nowhere close to full, but they needed to be moved in and accounted in an orderly fashion, with many people doing the same job as Laral. It needed to be done. Urithiru needed to function as a city. Would that wind up becoming his concern? Hopefully that didn't stick him working with Laral or, Almighty forbid, Roshone.

Syl sat on his shoulder, looking smaller than usual. "You liked her when you were young. Shouldn't that make you better friends now?"

Kaladin pressed his lips together. "It doesn't work that way."

"It should. Why not?"

"We've both changed. In different directions." And he didn't like the direction she'd gone.

"So you dislike her now. More than you would if you didn't know her before."

"I guess so."

Now that he made himself look at it honestly, he was angry about how Laral had dropped him and then treated him poorly after they'd been such good friends as children, especially right when he'd been developing an amorphous more-than-friends liking of her. And apparently she had liked him back at least at some point. She didn't seem jealous, though; just entitled and stubborn.

Had he hoped Laral would be jealous? Not because he was interested in her, but simply because he was angry with her. That was an ugly emotion to admit, even to himself. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. That was probably the kind of thing he was supposed to be better than now.

Syl poked his cheek. "You're still brooding."

Kaladin sighed. "I used to think Laral wasn't as bad as other lighteyes, but...She took Rillir's side when he treated me like a servant just because I was darkeyed."

"That was a long time ago."

"She hasn't gotten better since then. She's chosen to taken Roshone's side. Storms, she acted like it was just as bad I didn't see her after her father died as it was for Roshone to send Tien to die." That was just the kind of sacrifice and service lighteyes casually expected of darkeyes.

Maybe some childhood memories were better off not revisited. He could have gone on with his fond, hazy recollections of their shared youth, and now it was like a glow had been blown off those images in his mind, a candle snuffed dark by the wind.

Syl moved to float in front of him, arms crossed, looking back the way he'd come. "Do you feel better or worse walking away?"

"Both?" Kaladin kept walking, having to slow as he came to another crowd, also mostly refugees. "I didn't reflexively go along with whatever she expected of me. I feel better about that."

How could he make it so all darkeyes had that freedom, and so lighteyes didn't treat others so badly?

"And?" Syl was still looking at him, arms crossed.

"I'm not going to push help on her if she doesn't want it. That's her choice and her responsibility."

Was that good enough? Was he being too unsympathetic to Laral?

Syl stayed right where she was, looking at him expectantly.

Kaladin sighed and set his jaw. "I'm not going to let her treat me poorly, but I'll still help her if needed, and I won't totally shut her out either."

Syl nodded at him and went back to his shoulder. "Better."

Shaking his head, Kaladin marveled again at how he'd wound up with Jasnah, given how apparently hopeless he'd been with women previously. And especially given how poorly his interactions with lighteyes tended to go.

Kaladin stepped aside as a column of soldiers carrying goods marched past. More of them were getting deployed to simply help run the city. Kaladin sighed. Some of this probably _would_ become his problem soon, and not even due to anyone else suggesting it should be.

"Kaladin!" Arms were around him before he knew what was going on, and he only narrowly stopped himself from knocking his assailant to the ground.

It was a hug. And it was Tarah.


	53. I'm Sorry I Didn't Write Back

"You're alive!" Tarah looked up at Kaladin with glittering eyes.

He studied her face. She looked just a bit older, cheeks just a bit more defined, but still very much as he remembered. "Yeah. So are you." Not his most articulate response, but then, Tarah was never the type to chide him for things like that.

Syl flitted around Tarah as a ribbon of light. "I remember her! Don't tell me you can't be friends with her either now."

Barely moving his lips and making almost no sound, he said, "She's different."

Tarah's brows drew together. "What was that?"

Kaladin shook his head. "Nothing."

She looked at his uniform. "Captain's knots! Taln's palms, you lived up to that nickname Stormblessed, didn't you?"

"You have no idea."

She still had her arms part way around him. He hadn't reciprocated, instead looking down at her arms. Had she still been thinking about him, all this time?

"Oh. Sorry." She pulled back. "It has been years. I shouldn't assume anything."

He shuffled his feet. "I'm sorry I didn't write back."

She looked at him with concern, and...sorrow? "I worried about you, you know."

"There has been plenty to worry about," Kaladin said quietly.

"I was afraid you'd bury yourself in work again, and since you made captain, I'm guessing you did." So sincere.

A silence fell between them. "Um, how's your father?" Kaladin asked.

"He's well. We only arrived yesterday, and he's already helping out the quartermasters here."

"Good."

Tarah waved him away from the crowd, toward a quieter side passage, and he followed. "So, really, how have you been? How did you wind up here, and a captain?"

"That's quite a long story."

She smiled. "You could tell me over dinner tonight."

He started to stammer a reply, but she spoke first. "Are you...with someone else?"

"Yeah."

Tarah was such a good, kind soul. He wanted to let her down easy.

"Oh. Good. I'm happy for you." She met his eyes. "As long as she makes you happy."

He smiled. "She does."

"Are you married, then?"

"Not yet. Wedding is in two days, actually."

"Oh, same day as the queen's wedding."

He froze, looking at her, eyes wide. What was he supposed to say to that?

"You have heard, haven't you? She's marrying another Knight Radiant, one who can fly. The first Windrunner."

Kaladin's cheeks warmed. "Ah, yeah."

"Kaladin, what's the matter?"

"Um, nothing."

"It's not nothing. You can't hide from me. You never could."

"I'm not really sure how to say this...."

"Just tell me."

"Or show you." He breathed in just a little Stormlight and rose a few inches off the ground.

Tarah looked him up and down, eyes going wide. She stepped back, putting her hand to her heart. "It's you."

"Yeah." He set back down on the ground. No sense drawing any more attention.

She swayed slightly on her feet. "You're marrying the queen."

He nodded, lips pressed together.

"I always thought you'd go far, but...." She blinked several times. "I suppose if there were going to be a new generation of Knights Radiant, who better than you?"

He looked at this woman who'd been so kind and persistent in getting him out of his depression after Tien died. It _would_ be nice to talk with her again. "If you want to walk with me, I'll give you the short version of the last couple of years."

She smiled warmly. "Yes. I'd like that."

Kaladin did, in fact, have over an hour until he needed to be anywhere. "I could actually have lunch for once."

Tarah put her fists on her hips. "It's already well after noon. Are you forgetting to eat again?"

"It's not so much forgetting as just not getting around to it all the time. And we do have a good cook, so I get fed enough." He paused. "I don't really forget to eat these days. I don't take it for granted." He pushed his hair out of his eyes, only afterward realizing how much it must have been covering his brands. Had some part of him done that on purpose?

Tarah's eyes widened, locking onto his forehead. "Oh, Kaladin, what did they do to you?"

"I suppose I might as well start with that part...."

They started walking, and Tarah listened with eyes wide and mouth slightly open in horror.

Kaladin hadn't told all that many people about his life, but he was already used to a certain amount of shock and horror in reaction to it. This wasn't as bad as telling his parents, but he still omitted some of the worst parts.

As she'd sometimes gotten when he'd talked about his grief for Tien, she was so wrapped up in listening she stopped noticing her surroundings. Maybe they shouldn't have had this conversation while walking.

They reached the one of the smaller markets that had sprung up on the upper floors, much to the chagrin of both Navani and Sebarial. Still, it was convenient. Kaladin led them to one of his favorite chouta stalls, ordering without even using words. The Herdazian running the stalls didn't speak Alethi very well, but he smiled and nodded in understanding at the two fingers Kaladin held up.

Tarah looked on with disbelief. "You're marrying the queen. Doesn't that mean you get all the fancy food you want?"

He shrugged. "As often as not I still eat with my men, most of whom were in the bridge crews with me. I suppose I won't do that quite as often after the wedding." He might have to make a point of having stew with Bridge Four when he was staying with Jasnah.

He'd intended to go to the plateau to check on the new recruits, and he probably should while he had time. He handed Tarah her a chouta and asked, "Do you need to be anywhere?"

She shook her head. "I heard there was somebody up by the registration area pointing people at work they might find, so no huge rush."

"Bridge Four could use another scribe." The words were out of his mouth before he had time to think about how awkward that might be.

Tarah's face lit up. "Really? That sounds perfect."

Kaladin had been meaning to find another scribe, but would Jasnah be uncomfortable with this? She had no reason in the world to be jealous, but sometimes she was anyway. Still, he wasn't going to yank this away from Tarah right after offering it. Worrying about Jasnah having irrational emotions was probably foolish anyway. He waved Tarah forward and started walking. "You might as well come along and meet the crew."

He took them out to the terrace, intending to take the outside route to the plateau. He was looking at Tarah, laughing at something she said--she hadn't lost her ability to joke about anything, even fleeing for her life--when Tarah stopped in her tracks, going almost as pale as Shallan. Kaladin turned to where Tarah was looking. Jasnah and Adolin stood at the edge of the terrace, gesturing at the troop formations on the plateau below.

Jasnah turned toward them and Tarah bowed deeply, trembling.

She'd relax once they actually met, right? Kaladin pulled Tarah forward by the elbow.

Her left elbow.

He wouldn't have thought about it before, but months of dealing with lighteyes' social conventions had made him aware of such nuance. Still, no point worrying about it now.

"Jasnah, this is Tarah."

Jasnah raised one sharp eyebrow. "The one you've told me about?"

"Yes. The one I knew in Amaram's army."

Adolin was giving him a look that was entirely too knowing.

Kaladin narrowed his eyes at him, shaking his head. "Adolin...."

"What? I didn't say anything."

"You were thinking loudly."

Adolin huffed and crossed his arms.

Tarah bowed again. Voice unsteady, she said, "It's my honor to meet you, Your Majesty." She turned toward Adolin. "And Highprince Kholin?" She glanced at Kaladin and he nodded.

Jasnah looked Tarah up and down. "No need to be so frightened, child." Jasnah turned to Kaladin. "She knows about our impending nuptials, I take it?"

"Of course."

Jasnah's posture was a little too stiff, her mouth just a little too tight. To most people that would probably just look like her usual regal demeanor, but it was more than that. She wasn't happy.

Kaladin went to her side, putting his hand on her arm. She was definitely tense. He leaned to her and spoke quietly. "Long day already?"

She nodded once sharply.

Kaladin stayed right where he was, subtly rubbing his fingers on her arm until she looked back at him. He wanted to tell her not to worry, reassure her, show her affection, but this was not the setting. Instead he tried to convey it with a look. She relaxed a little, so she seemed to understand.

She checked the clock on her bracer. "I was just about to leave for a meeting. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Of course."

Jasnah strode off toward the lifts. Someone else was already talking with Adolin, a battalionlord complaining about plumbing in his section of the tower, a discussion Kaladin did not want to get involved with.

Kaladin went back to Tarah, whose posture was still rigid, her eyes wide.

Kaladin drew his brows together. "You going to be all right?"

She took a few breaths. "Yes. Sorry. The reality of it is still sinking in. I'd never met anyone higher than fourth dahn before coming here, and I just met the queen, whom you're _marrying_."

He nodded. "Are you up for a shortcut to the plateau?"

"Shortcut?"

He smiled and waved her toward the railing. "I've heard people calling it the Windrunner shortcut." He took hold of her arm and gently Lashed them so they fell outward and down. Tarah yelped and grabbed onto Kaladin, then, as if remembering herself (and her meeting with Jasnah), let go of everything but one hard grip on his forearm.

It was a few hundred feet down to the plateau and he was intentionally taking them down slowly, only a tenth of a Lashing downward. Syl didn't even bother getting off his shoulder. By himself, he would have simply jumped, only slowing before he reached the ground and absorbing most of the impact with Stormlight, but he wasn't going to do that with someone who'd never flown before. They fell long enough Tarah stopped looking purely shocked and started looking around.

When they reached the ground, Tarah still had her iron grip on his arm, standing rigidly, mouth slightly open.

"Was that too much?"

She shook herself and let go of his arm. "That was amazing!"

He smiled. "Let's go introduce you."

Bridge Four was happy to get another scribe, and delighted when they found out Tarah knew Kaladin years back. He'd resigned himself to their asking her questions about him behind his back; he had not expected them to start asking right in front of him.

Kaladin shook his head and sighed. "Tarah, will you be able to find your way back up on your own?"

Lopen waved a hand. "It's all right, Gancho, I'll take our new friend back up. Long as you don't mind flying." Lopen grinned at her.

Tarah smiled back. "That would be great."

Kaladin headed off to do the things he'd actually come down here for in the first place.

Syl poked him in the cheek. "So you _can_ be friends with someone you used to court."

"I hope so."

He should go find Jasnah when they could talk privately, and he didn't want to wait until tomorrow; that was Navani's last minute wedding prep session anyway. Jasnah probably wouldn't be free until late in the evening today, but if that was as soon as he could see her, he'd see her then. He was happy to see her anyway, but he did want to make sure she wasn't too uncomfortable with Tarah. Even if she wasn't, she had a lot weighing on her. She always did, and he would help if he could. Hopefully his being friends with Tarah wouldn't add to her load.


	54. Thorns And All

Jasnah sat at her vanity with her eyes closed, breathing slowly and deeply as her ladies' maid, Ulina, brushed her hair.

Rationally Jasnah knew she wasn't single-handedly responsible for stopping the Desolation, but some days it felt like she was. Especially when it seemed like half the people she dealt with were more afraid of losing face than of the destruction of humanity. That wasn't all that had her wound up, but stretched her patience thin for everything else, made her worry more.

A knock sounded at the door. Jasnah suppressed a groan.

"Shall I go see who it is, Your Majesty?" Ulina asked.

"Yes, then send them away."

"Yes, Your Majesty." Ulina stood and moved quietly, conspicuously afraid of invoking Jasnah's anger.

Jasnah leaned her head into her hands, rubbing the heels of her palms into her eyelids. Two sets of footsteps sounded. "I said to send away whoever it was."

"I judged you might make an exception for your betrothed, Your Majesty."

Jasnah snapped her head up.

Kaladin looked at her with the same serious care as this afternoon. "I thought you might want to talk."

Jasnah relaxed fractionally and spoke without looking away from Kaladin. "Ulina, you may go for the evening."

Ulina bowed and retreated.

Kaladin sat in the chair next to Jasnah, and she immediately moved to sit on his lap, putting her arms around his neck and leaning against him. He responded by pulling her against him fiercely, nuzzling into her hair, breathing her in. Breath warm on her scalp, he said, "I could tell you were bothered by meeting Tarah."

She relaxed into him. "I shouldn't worry so much, but it's hard not to."

He pulled back and fixed her with a very serious look. "I don't suppose there's anything I can say to reassure you, is there?"

She let out a breath, closing her eyes. "Rationally I trust you. It's not even a question of trusting you, though--I feel like I don't know enough about being in a relationship, and I'm afraid of what I don't know."

Kaladin stroked her hair. "I don't know a lot either. I wish I did, but here we are, and you're the one I want to be with. We both do plenty of things without knowing everything. We'll make it work."

Jasnah chewed her lip. There was something more she needed to face up to, and she didn't like it. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. "That's not all. I--" her voice caught, and she swallowed and tried again. "I know I'm desirable to men, but I've long thought that's only from afar. Not from up close, like you and I are. It's like I can't shake the fear I'm going to scare you away, like I'm surprised you actually want to be with me.I've pushed away so many suitors in my life, some quite harshly. I know I look good, and I'm good at what I do. I also know I'm cold, abrupt, rude, impatient, uncompassionate, uncooperative, and blunt verging on cruel. I have too many thorns."

Kaladin gripped her shoulders. "You're also brilliant, frighteningly perceptive, unflinchingly dedicated to saving Roshar, brave, confident, and the most competent person I've ever observed, bar none. You're the most amazing, beautiful, impressive woman I've met. Jasnah, I'm madly in love with you in a way I never imagined possible. Trust me, I find you desirable for many reasons, thorns and all."

A tear rolled down her cheek and she leaned into him again. "You should tell me that more often. It does make me feel better."

"I can do that." He kissed her temple. "I guess I've taken to assuming you can just read my mind."

"See, I said it was dangerous to assume that."

He ran both hands through her completely unbound hair, fingers pulling unevenly as they wound through the curls. "Are you going to be upset if I keep talking to Tarah?"

Jasnah rubbed her cheek on Kaladin's shirt to wipe the tears off. "I suppose at some point I'll have to stop worrying so much. It's not reasonable to expect you not to have friends who are women."

"Some women would expect that."

"That's asinine."

Kaladin snorted, then his expression grew serious and he wrapped his arms around her waist. "I don't want to upset you, but I do want to keep Tarah's friendship if I can. She's a deeply good and caring person."

"And you loved her once," Jasnah said quietly.

"I would have said so at the time, but now that I have my feelings for you to compare to.... Tarah was more like a friend I cared very much about...and enjoyed being physically close with."

"You're not just saying that." She said it flatly, knowing it was true, but needing to believe it more deeply.

"You know very well I'm not." He was so earnest.

She did know, and tried to make herself relax. "As long as you don't intend to keep the physical part with the friendship." She tried to say it like it was a joke, but it didn't quite come out right, because she wasn't quite joking.

"Of course not." He looked so serious, so sincere. Of course she believed him, and trusted him. So why wouldn't this tight spot in her chest let go?

Jasnah sighed and closed her eyes. _I should have dealt with this months ago. I was too jealous of Shallan and I knew it. This is what I get for ignoring that._

*

Kaladin desperately wanted to say or do something so Jasnah _knew_ , beyond any doubt, that she was the only woman he wanted. He'd thought she might be mad, but she wasn't. She was sad, vulnerable. That upset him even more. Meeting Tarah may have been what brought this up, but it went much deeper than that.

Jasnah was in her dressing gown and wore only a thin glove on her safehand. She seemed smaller without her formal clothing, losing her usual sense of solidity, her air of imposition. In a way unlike her usual self, she felt soft and delicate, like she'd lost a layer of armor he hadn't even realized she'd been wearing.

Storms, he wanted to protect her. From anything and everything. Even if she didn't usually need it. Even she couldn't be strong about everything all the time.

What could he say? Nothing seemed like enough, so he said the first thing that came to his mind that was at least in the right direction. "If it makes you feel better, right before running into Tarah, I got in an argument with Laral and realized I dislike her now."

Jasnah snorted. "That shouldn't make me feel better, but it does. Mother said you specifically asked _not_ to have Laral and her husband settled in our section of the tower."

"I was thinking about Roshone at the time, but yes." He shrugged. "She's not as bad as him, but she's..." He screwed up his face, not wanting to say what naturally came to his mind next.

"Just another spoiled, entitled lighteyes?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it again. "Yes. See, you do know how I think."

She stroked his cheek, looking thoughtful.

He drew in a deep breath. "I did spend some of my youth pining over her, but now I'd as soon not see her again."

"I shouldn't have to interrogate you about every one of your former love interests back to childhood, much less meet them and investigate them myself."

"Well, you now have, all three of them."

"I have, haven't I?" She looked at the floor, unusual sheepishness on her face. She sighed. "My objections to marriage before getting to know you were largely based on worrying it would restrict what I could do. That's why I didn't want to use the oaths my mother and Dalinar exchanged: 'I am his and he is mine.' I never wanted a man possessing me."

"Well, you know how I feel about people possessing other people."

She drew in a breath. "I do. And yet here I am, trying to control your interactions with other women, even if I don't mean to. And I don't want to."

She was apologizing (in her own way, which was fine with him), but she still hurt. "Jasnah, what's really bothering you?"

"I know this fear is irrational, but it keeps cropping up." She pressed her lips together. "I'm afraid that things will change once we're married. That you'll change."

"I'm not sure how I would." Kaladin narrowed his eyes at her. "There's more to this, isn't there?"

Her lips trembled, and when she spoke, her voice was too flat. "My father slept with other women while he was married to my mother."

Kaladin's eyes went wide.

She sucked in a breath. "I never mentioned it before because it felt like my mother's business, something I shouldn't go talking about with other people, but I think that's why deep down I expect men to stray. I don't know how it was when they started courting, but by the time I was old enough to remember, he never gave her the attention she deserved."

"I'm...sorry." Kaladin didn't know Navani all that well, but storms, now he felt bad for her. At least she seemed happy now with Dalinar.

Jasnah stroked Kaladin's arm. "I loved him as a father and admired him as a leader, but I don't think he was a good husband. You are not my father." She paused. "I was going to say, for better or worse, but I'm not sure I can think of any points on which my father was preferable as a husband. At first I was thinking of that magnetism he had, but really, if you had that, I'd be even more worried about you being around other women."

"Well, good thing so many people find me disagreeable."

Finally, she laughed, and he relaxed slightly.

What else could he say that would help? They were both sharing hard things. There was one more he'd been thinking about for a while.

He ran one hand up and down her side, keeping the other around her back, wanting as much contact with her as possible. "You remember how you told me, not long after we started courting, that you never found yourself attracted to men, not in the way other women talked about, and it made you wonder if you were different?" At her nod, he went on. "I think I know what you mean. I don't just...look at women. Going to a brothel sounds awkward and unpleasant. I can tell that a woman is beautiful, but it's the same way a flower or a sunset might be beautiful. I don't find women attractive until I've gotten to know them well."

She rubbed her hand on his side, getting a handful of his shirt under his jacket and tugging. "I appreciate you sharing that, given the pressure on men to project sexual prowess. I had wondered if you felt the same, and if that was another reason we seem to understand each other so well." She let go of the handful of shirt, voice going quiet, timid, so much more exposed than she normally was. "You could still get to know other women."

He let out a heavy breath. "I know. I wanted to tell you that, but I know that by itself isn't enough for you to really understand I'm not interested in any other women."

She could tell he wasn't done. She sat and listened, not saying a word, her brilliant violet eyes fixed him.

He swallowed, mouth dry. If he wanted her to know, perhaps he should just _say_ it, however odd it might feel to say so directly. She'd just said she wanted him to tell her more how much he cared. He took a breath and made himself keep going. "I love you so much it terrifies me. You're the only woman I want. I swear, as strongly as I've sworn any of my Ideals, I will stay with you, and I'll do everything I can to protect you and make you happy."

Tears rolled down her cheeks, dripping off her chin, and she smiled at him with trembling lips. She buried her face in his chest, sniffling, wiping her face on his shirt. "Can we add that to our oaths?"

He stroked her hair. "I'll proclaim that in front of the world if it will let you stop worrying."

She sniffled again and rubbed her cheek on his chest. "I know you don't like to be demonstrative in public, but it is our wedding."

He kissed the top of her head. "It is. And I will do whatever I can to make it what you need."

She smiled up at him, still looking soft and vulnerable, but with a different tenor, exposing herself because she was comfortable rather than because her defenses had been torn down. "I'm going to enjoy being married to you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I was never unfaithful while he lived, though Stormfather knows I had ample reason." --Navani, to Dalinar, of Gavilar  
> The Way of Kings, p 864  
> There have been a number of hints (and outright statements) that Navani and Gavilar's marriage was troubled, but that particular quote made me think that Gavilar--handsome, charismatic Gavilar, who always got what he wanted--probably cheated on her.
> 
> Jasnah was not at Dalinar and Navani's wedding, but she would have heard about it after she got back.


	55. A Sight For The Tranquiline Halls

The wedding hadn't even started yet and Kaladin already wanted it to be over with. Should he have tried to talk Jasnah into a wedding more like Dalinar and Navani had, in the middle of the night with only few guests and the absolute minimum of ceremony?

There were enough reasons not to he'd never seriously considered even asking. Too late now anyway.

Plus he'd have to get used to a lot more of this sort of thing. Starting from this throne-like chair they put him in.

Adolin had warned him about this part. Apparently he was just supposed to sit here and receive gifts, which would probably be mostly swords. And indeed, there they were, blades one after another, all manner of edged weapons from all sorts of leaders and dignitaries he barely knew, if he knew them at all. It was interesting how much designs varied across Roshar, but storms, what was he going to do with this many swords? Maybe he could redistribute them to Bridge Four? Were these even combat worthy or purely decorative? What was the point of a decorative sword?

Near the end (at least Kaladin hoped it was the end), Adolin came in with a big grin on his face, carrying...an ornate spear.

Kaladin broke out laughing.

"I figured among all the pointless weapons you were getting today, you should get at least one of your preferred weapon type." Adolin hefted it and gave it a spin. The preposterous thing was embedded with gems around the tip as well as up and down the shaft. "It's naka wood, which apparently is excellent for weapons, but too expensive to actually use."

"So you're giving me a spear, but it's still worth more than a normal person would make in a lifetime?"

Adolin ran his fingers along the haft. "More than most lesser lords make in a lifetime, actually."

Kaladin shook his head, still chuckling. "Well, it's still ridiculous, but I appreciate it."

Holding up a finger, Adolin said, "Oh, and one more thing: Shallan wanted me to tell you she had a gift for you but she would give it to you a couple of days after the wedding. She didn't tell me what it was but promised it would make sense why she had to give it to you then."

"I was half expecting boots."

"She also said to tell you it's not boots, or anything to do with boots."

Kaladin laughed again. "Well, I'm curious to see what she has planned."

***

Lirin had honestly expected to get mistaken for a servant at least once at the wedding. It hadn't happened yet, though.

It probably helped that the new Highprince Kholin, Adolin, had insisted on getting him and Hesina some fine clothing for the event. Lirin was extremely wary at first, but the highprince was so friendly and charming that Lirin had grudgingly admitted he didn't seem so bad.

Add this to Lirin's already-long list of surreal experiences in the last week and a half: an Alethi highprince had taken him clothing shopping.

The highprince's wife, Shallan, a small pale Veden woman, accompanied him to take Hesina to the ladies' tailor, insisting it was no trouble and she needed to get more clothing anyway as her existing clothing was getting tight in the waist. Hesina told him afterward that the girl seemed excited to talk to a woman who'd been through three pregnancies and spent most of the outing peppering her with questions and listening to Hesina's answers with rapt attention. And apparently she and Hesina had already made plans for the four of them to have dinner next week.

And that was still less odd than what was going on now: his son would shortly marry _the queen_. Lirin was actively and deliberately working to get used to the idea.

Hesina was clearly enjoying the fine havah Highlady Shallan had gotten her. Lirin smiled. His wife did look lovely--she always did, but today in all the finery and makeup, it was more conspicuous--and she was having a better time at the wedding than he was, talking with dignitaries and nobles with smooth confidence.

"This part is more fun than I expected," she whispered in his ear. "They have no idea what to make of us." She smoothed her skirt. "Of course, I'm not quite sure what to make of us either right now."

He laughed softly. "At least one of us is having a good time."

"Oh, hush. Our boy's marrying the woman he loves. Enjoy yourself. And besides, just look at everyone here! I've never had people watching this good, even when I was a teenager." She scanned the room. "Say, where's that young Azish emperor you mentioned meeting? You said he was friendly."

Lirin looked around, but it was hard to see far with so many tall people. Fortunately, the Azish wore tall headwear, so Lirin picked out Emperor Yanagawn--Lirin couldn't bring himself to call the emperor of Makabakam _Gawx_ \--and his retinue. The strange little Edgedancer, Lift, was with them, wearing a fine dress, which she kept pulling at and adjusting, making sour faces as she did. She didn't seem the type to wear dresses much.

To Lirin's surprise, Emperor Yanagawn remembered him, and after introductions, Hesina fell into talking with the emperor and Lift as if they were old friends. Lirin had always felt a little guilty for taking Hesina away from the finer things she'd grown up with; maybe it was fitting she wound up with a bit of courtly life now, chatting with rulers of countries.

The highstorm rumbled from _below_ the tower. That would take getting used to.

A murmur ran through the crowd, and all eyes followed a pair of people slowly making their way toward the central dais. One was a tall woman with Makabaki dark skin, but smooth straight hair and features Lirin couldn't quite place. The man beside her was large and powerfully built, comparable to the Blackthorn himself, but he did not walk with the regality of a Brightlord. Rather, he seemed directionless and perhaps not mentally sound; the woman seemed to be leading him. And he was darkeyed.

They reached the dais and the entire room bowed, going all the way down to their knees. Lirin and Hesina scrambled to follow. Queen Jasnah knelt as well. Who was it even the queen was bowing so low to?

Heralds. The queen had mentioned two Heralds being in the tower.

Oh, Almighty.

*

Kaladin knelt down on one knee. Jasnah was doing the same on the other side of the dais, as was everyone else in the room. It was odd to see Jasnah kneel. This might be the only time he did. But even she did not argue with bowing to the Herald who'd protected humanity alone for four millennia.

Talenelat'Elin--Taln--became lucid as crystal during a battle, leading charges and and besting any foe in combat, living up to his legends. Off the battle field, though, his mind did not seem to engage with the world. Sometimes, at military strategy meetings, they could get him to come to awareness, but mostly he mumbled and shuffled, eyes vacant. Shalash--Ash--attended to him always, leading him, speaking to him.

Thus, since Ash had agreed to officiate the wedding, she brought Taln with her. She would not countenance anyone bowing to her, but she was happy to have the entire room kneel to Taln, joining them herself.

Then, with a sadness palpable in the very air, Ash led Taln to his seat of honor before returning to the dais.

"Rise and come forward, you two who wish to give your oaths." Ash's voice rang clear and pure across the room.

They did so, deliberately not bowing to Ash, as she had insisted.

"Mothers and fathers of these, come forth that you may give your blessing to this union."

Hesina, Lirin, and Navani stepped up next to their respective children. Dalinar, too--that was a surprise, but Kaladin wasn't going to object. What was Dalinar going to say, though? Just a nod for completeness, since he was Jasnah's step father?

Kaladin didn't turn to look at his parents. He would only get the barest and briefest statement of approval from his father, but at least it was something.

Navani started, going on at length about how happy she was that Kaladin and Jasnah were together and how earnestly she wished for them to be married. Kaladin's face warmed. He even caught some pink on Jasnah's cheeks.

Hesina stepped up next, speaking with moving sincerity of how she'd only recently heard about the intended marriage, but even with as little as she could know about their relationship in that short time, she supported them.

Dalinar stepped up next. "When I met Kaladin, he was a bridge slave, the lowest of the low, of whom nothing was expected, and to whom nothing was given. Our first interaction was him saving my life, at great risk to himself and his fellows, a risk he had no obligation to take, but did because he felt it was right. Since then I've only become more impressed with his sense of honor and duty, as well as his leadership and ability to inspire others. I trust him to treat his marriage to my niece with the same care and dedication he takes in all his duties. I'm happy to welcome him into the family as a son."

It was good Kaladin wasn't expected to speak, because he couldn't have. He could only stand, mouth slightly open, blinking back tears.

Kaladin was still processing what Dalinar said when Lirin came forward. Kaladin held his breath. He dared meet his father's eye, and to his surprise, saw only love.

"I had misgivings at first," Lirin said, "but I've come quickly to learn I knew less than I thought. I am lucky enough to have a son with uncommon wisdom for his age, and I think he's made an excellent choice. I am truly happy for them. A week ago I would have hesitated, but now I can bless this union with an open heart and wish it to go forward." Lirin turned to Jasnah. "I will be happy to call you daughter."

A knot in Kaladin's chest released. He couldn't stop the tears rolling down now and mouthed _thank you_ to his father.

"And now," Ash said, "two more whose blessings they should seek."

Kaladin cast his mind about for who she might mean, and started when Syl and Ivory appeared full sized on the dais. Gasps sounded all over the room.

Syl clasped her hands. "Of course I approve. She makes Kaladin happy."

"This union benefits all." Ivory nodded toward both of them, then disappeared. Syl returned to her normal size and came to sit on Kaladin's shoulder, presumably invisible now to everyone else.

Well, the spren won on being concise.

Ash nodded and then started off on a long speech in a language Kaladin didn't recognize. Was this what Navani had meant by "some traditional marriage blessings from Alethela"? Maybe he and Jasnah should have gotten more details about that. This might be Dawnchant for all he knew. His attention did not wander nor did he grow impatient, for Ash's voice was mesmerizing. Kaladin had heard her talk before, but she hadn't sounded like this. Was it some kind of special ability? Shallan could weave sound, and Ash was the patron Herald of Lightweavers.

It was good Kaladin's attention had not wandered, as Ash made no pause or other indication when she switched to Alethi and said, "Speak your oaths."

Jasnah straightened herself just a bit more, drawing in a breath. Storms, she looked beautiful in all that wedding finery. More beautiful than the actual Herald of beauty next to her.

"Kaladin Stormblessed, for the rest of our days, I will stay true to you and never let my love waver. I will do whatever is needed to keep our union strong, and to support you in achieving all you can. I give you my heart as I have with no other."

Kaladin had mostly managed to compose himself during Ash's speech, but now he'd teared up again, throat getting tight. He needed a couple of breaths before he could speak. "Jasnah Kholin, I swear, as strongly as I've sworn the Ideals of my Order, I will do everything in my power to protect you and make you happy, and I will always be true to you. My heart is yours and only yours."

Ash looked between the two of them, then slapped both hands down on the lectern, producing a crack that resonated more than it should have. "It is done."

Kaladin looked with wonder at Jasnah, _his wife_.Grin spreading on his face, he seized her, kissing her hard. To Damnation with anyone who thought it was improper. She was the love of his life, and he was going to show her, in front of everyone.

*

Once Lirin's eyes started getting teary, he couldn't stop them, so the rest of the ceremony was a literal blur.

It still seemed odd, his son and this Kholin queen, but their affection looked entirety genuine. There was no missing the earnestness of their oaths, or the passion of that kiss.

Lirin was getting to know his oldest son all over again as an adult. Yes, he'd become a killer - but, Lirin had to grudgingly admit, out of necessity, for the best reasons one could have. And he had grown hard, but not nearly so hard as Lirin might have expected. Despite everything he'd been through, Kaladin never stopped being torn up inside for everyone he lost, never stopped trying to save as many people as he could, even the so-called enemy. He was a good man, and Lirin looked forward to getting to know him even more going forward.

When at last the couple separated from their kiss, Shalash made another pronouncement.

"One piece remains." She turned to Lirin's son. "You, Kaladin, the one they call Stormblessed, are now prince consort of Alethkar."

Kaladin tilted his head forward--why did he not bow to the Herald? Shalash placed the circlet on Kaladin's head and he winced subtly. Lirin almost laughed. Still his boy.

The crown did indeed sit right on Kaladin's forehead, touching his brands. That had to be some kind of first.

And, storms, his son wore a crown.

Navani lifted her hands above her head and gave one loud clap. "My thanks to Shalash'Elin for performing the ceremony. Now, ready the music, so the new couple may have their first dance."

A group of lighteyed ladies with various instruments--mostly flutes but some strings as well--gathered at the end of the hall, along with, to Lirin's surprise, some dark-eyed percussionists.

Kaladin and Queen Jasnah stepped into the empty area in the center of the hall. When the music started, they began a simple but elegant dance.

Hesina leaned to whisper to Lirin, "Very traditional lighteyes wedding dance, this."

Hesina's grin wasn't just proud, but mischievous, so Lirin asked, "Is there more to this you're not saying?"

She smiled more broadly. "Oh, I heard them and Navani conspiring with the musicians. They're not going to go all the way through the end of this staid thing."

Moments later, the music broke, shifting to something faster, with a much stronger rhythm and far more strings. Kaladin grabbed the queen behind her back with both hands and she lifted just clear of the ground. With Stormlight wafting off both of them, Kaladin spun her so they whirled about each other, still face to face, then both off the ground. They both laughed, grinning madly, hair streaming out behind them. Hesina squeezed Lirin's arm with both her hands, looking as excited as they did.

But Kaladin did trail that white light. Was that his soul, outside his body?

Lirin would accept it all if it made his son this happy.

Perhaps he finally saw what his wife did in the romance of the old stories about Radiants. Before, Lirin had only seen his son's abilities as a tool for killing. Even flying above the highstorm, Kaladin had been too occupied with keeping watch on everyone to look like he was enjoying himself. Now, though, he could see the joy this brought his son, and the beauty of it.Storms, they looked stunning. Divine. Streaming with Stormlight, windspren dancing around him, gloryspren circling them both...it was a sight for the Tranquiline Halls.

*

It was better than dancing in the sky. Oh, Kaladin did love flying with Jasnah, but there was something about doing it here, in front of everyone. Rather than making him uncomfortable, as he would have expected, it filled him with joy. At that moment, he wanted everyone to know how much he loved this woman.

Kaladin hadn't been excited about the ceremony, nor had he thought being officially married would make any difference to him. He was already entirely committed to Jasnah; what would the ceremony change?

Yet he did feel different. It was like their connection was a fixed part of him, just _there_. Before, it was like the mountains, solid but different depending on which direction he looked from. Now, it seemed more like the South Star, if it were never obscured by clouds: always there in the same direction, steady, constant. As much a part of him as his own limbs.

Storms, he was happy.

*

Shallan's cheeks hurt from smiling.Her own wedding was, of course, in a class of its own in her own reckoning, but seeing these two openly express their love melted her heart. And, Stormfather, dancing with Lashings? Shallan got to, well, dance with an Edgedancer, but still. They just looked so happy together.

 _The two most dour, severe people I know, and they're_ giggling. Shallan took a Memory. She had quite a lot of those from the evening. She'd have to work quickly to take care of them all.

After the dance, the feast proper got going. Shallan didn't get to catch up with the new couple until afterward, when people mingled. Kaladin and Jasnah walked around the hall, each with an arm around the other's waists, smitten and perfect as any fabled love story.

Adolin managed to push through the crowd to reach them first, Shallan following in his wake.

Adolin slapped Kaladin on the back. "Congratulations, bridgeboy!"

"That's prince consort bridgeboy to you," Kaladin said fondly.

"You still call me princeling."

"I could call you highprinceling."

Adolin laughed heartily, hesitated, then pulled Kaladin into an embrace, slapping him on the back even harder. "Welcome to the family. Officially."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want the Heralds to have some soft magic powers - just some weird, unexplained things they can do that don't fit into any of the other magic systems. I just like the idea. I want them to feel, I dunno, a little more Gandalf?
> 
> As you probably guessed, I'm partial to the theory that Hesina is from a family that was at least partially lighteyed, probably of high rank. There's a WoB that Hesina is related to Elhokar's wife Aesudan (that's why Kaladin recognized the lullaby Aesudan sang when the went to rescue Gavinor), which seems like pretty strong evidence. Also fits with Hesina's parents not liking Lirin (came up somewhere in TWoK).
> 
> There is an E-rated wedding night scene in [Finesse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23372719/chapters/59227120). There are still some honeymoon scenes that aren't done. Follow or check that work if you're interested.


	56. Epilogue, Part 1: Now Can I Go Back To Being Excited?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The happy ending I crave. Just a tiny bit more angst, but mostly sappy, indulgent, tooth-rotting fluff. I may have gotten carried away. Sorry-not-sorry if you need some insulin by the end.  
> CW: A bit about childbirth, but nothing graphic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is an E-rated chapter (the wedding night scene) between the previous chapter and this one in [Finesse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23372719/chapters/59227120).

The night of the wedding, Kaladin awoke from strange dreams. His eyes snapped open, but he didn't startle, which he was immediately grateful for--the woman in his arms still slept, breathing slow and deep, and he relaxed.

By faint light of a goblet of spheres that wasn't completely covered, he saw two silver circlets sitting on a table, a larger one sitting half way over a smaller one. He hadn't seen last night where that had gotten to; Jasnah had removed it from his head. He still didn't really want to touch it and had taken to pretending it wasn't there when he did have to wear it. The way the two rings sat seemed appropriate, his leaning on hers. In this in particular, she did hold him up.

Much as he might have liked to hope his life wouldn't change after marrying Jasnah--and he was still marveling at the idea they were married--he knew that wouldn't be the case. It shouldn't be the case--if it were, it would mean he wasn't doing all he could.

He'd reflected, months back, that he'd been four men in his life: the soldier, the slave, the bodyguard, and the Radiant.Much as he'd enjoyed his life as captain of the Windrunners, it was becoming clear to him that it was time for him to become the fifth man, the one who could be a queen's consort.He had no idea yet who this man was, but he was ready to do whatever this new life required of him, even if it scared him. The weight of unknown responsibility pressed down on him, all the more because it was so nebulous. It had been one thing to figure out Lashings from scratch, or recruit squires, but in those he'd known what _kind_ of thing he needed to do, the direction he needed to go.What lay ahead of him now wasn't so much a path as an open field, one full of invisible traps.

Jasnah shifted in his arms, brushing her soft hair against his face, but she did not stir.He smiled, breathing in her scent.Whatever he faced, he'd have her, and she would do her best to keep him from falling.

***

Two days after the wedding, Kaladin and Jasnah finally made their way out in public again--bless Navani for talking them into taking the day after the wedding entirely for themselves--and Kaladin mostly kept himself from blushing at the knowing smirks. It wasn't uncommon for people to take a bit of time off after getting married to simply enjoy being married, but no one had expected two notorious workaholics to take a whole day away. So, people knew what the two of them had been up to, and they gave him knowing smiles and nods. It made him uncomfortable. Still entirely worth it.

That evening, at the end of a meeting both Kaladin and Jasnah attended, Shallan pulled them both aside. Huge grin on her face, she handed them a thick sheaf of papers.

Jasnah raised an eyebrow at her. "You aren't normally so pleased about works of scholarship. What is this?"

"Open it!" Shallan was bouncing on her toes.

Jasnah did so. The stack of papers was all drawings from the wedding, rendered with that supernatural realism, accuracy, and expressiveness that Shallan had. Shallan even captured the moments that had the most impact on Kaladin, like his father giving his approval, and he and Jasnah saying their oaths. There was one of Kaladin's parents looking adoringly at something off the page. A line of women's script ran along the bottom. Running her fingers over it, Jasnah read, " 'While you two were dancing.' "

"Shallan, these are amazing!" Kaladin said. "Adolin said you had a gift that had to come after the wedding, but I had no idea. How much time did you spend on these?"

"All of the time since the wedding, minus some time to sleep," Shallan said, not quite making eye contact. "The Memories only last a couple of days, so I had to get through as many as possible before they started fading."

Jasnah looked between Shallan and the drawings, wide-eyed, still leafing through the stack. "Shallan, this is an incredible gift. Thank you."

***

It took only a few weeks after the wedding for Jasnah to get back to their rooms so late that Kaladin was already asleep. By the faint light, she could just make out he was holding a pillow, wrapped in his arms. Just as he would do with her, but she wasn't there.

It still struck her how this tall, strong, hard, fierce man had such charming soft spots. It melted her heart.

It had only taken her a few days to stop being startled when she woke with limbs over her, and now she couldn't imagine it any other way. She wanted to let him sleep, but she wasn't going to be able to get where that pillow was without waking him.

She undressed--this was one point where she was not going to follow the codes--and got under the blankets with as little disturbance as she could. She started carefully pulling away the pillow that Kaladin was holding, but as she expected, his eyes snapped open. They were both prone to being jumpy, which she didn't find inappropriate given their circumstances.

"Sorry. I was trying not to disturb you," she whispered.

He threw the pillow behind him and spread his arms toward her. "Worth waking up to go back to sleep holding you."

She smiled and curled up next to him, body relaxing as soon as she did.

***

Jasnah had been putting this off for days. She kept telling herself she'd wait just another day to be that much more sure, but she already knew. It was like if she said it out loud, it would be real. That was foolish, but she still resisted. It was real, though, stated or not.

That evening, when she got back to their rooms, Kaladin was already there. Chewing her lip, she sat down on his lap. Without preamble, she said, "I strongly suspect I'm pregnant."

His eyes lit with wonder and joy. He pulled her close and kissed her forehead, then pulled back to look at her, expression changing to concern at her limp non-reaction."You're not happy about this."

She let out a long sigh. "I did agree to have children, but I didn't expect it to start quite so soon."

He rubbed his hand over her back, the rough skin of his hands catching on the silk of her havah. At some point that would probably stop being endearing, but she was still too taken with everything that was particularly _him_.

"I'm sorry if this isn't going how you hoped, but I'm not sure we'll get a better time."

"I know."

He pulled her against him, nuzzling into her hair. "Are you feeling all right? Is there...anything I can do to help?"

"It's not that. Like Shallan, I'm fine. I just..." She trailed off, too much to put into words behind that.

"Feel like you have to stop the Desolation singlehandedly and already have way more to do that one person can?"

She smiled and leaned into him. "Now look who's reading whose mind."

"That one wasn't hard." He kissed her temple.More quietly, he said, "Really, though, are you all right with this?"

She nodded. "I'll be fine. Maybe I just need to get used to the idea. Maybe it's one of those _moods_ that pregnant women are supposed to be so prone to."

"All right." He kissed her cheek."Now can I go back to being excited you're pregnant?"

She smiled."Yes."

He put his hand on her lower abdomen, wide grin spreading across his face. "Good, because I can't wait."

***

Over Kaladin's protests, Jasnah still joined in several battles. Her Soulcasting abilities were simply too useful in a combat. She was still wary of Elsecalling unless her life was in danger, but it was a good fallback option if it came to it.Besides which, she felt fairly impervious in her Shardplate. Even with all that, she avoided risky positions as much as possible. Other Radiants stayed with her as backup, particularly the other Windrunners, even as Kaladin himself _did_ jump right into the worst of the fighting.Bridge Four was protective of her, excessively so, but for once, she did not object.

***

Jasnah had a surprise for Kaladin and wanted to share it at the first opportunity. It turned out, he needed it.

Kaladin returned from the most recent campaign in a dark mood. From what Adolin had told Jasnah, there was a particular decision Kaladin had made which had been sensible based on what he knew at the time, but since it worked out badly and cost lives, of course Kaladin blamed himself and felt like he'd done everything wrong, even though it was only one foray out of many. He was better about not beating himself up these days, but this was a hard situation for him.

Late in the evening, Kaladin finally arrived at their rooms. By their established routines, he did not interrupt Jasnah until she stopped work on the document she was writing. As soon as she reached the end of a paragraph (she wasn't going to finish this storming document tonight, and she was never really finished anyway), she went to him, wordlessly turning him toward her and placing his hand on her abdomen.He cocked his head at her.

She waited several heartbeats. "Of course, now that I want to show you, it stops."

"Show me what?"

She felt it and looked up at him, smiling.

"Midwife says that's the baby kicking."

He looked back in wonder, then down at where his hand rested on her. She thought it felt more like indigestion, but the midwives seemed quite certain. The strange small tapping happened again, and Kaladin's face lit even further. Not releasing the hand on her abdomen, he used his other arm to pull her hard against him, burying his face in her hair.

***

Shallan had warned Jasnah about this, and it turned out to hold for Jasnah as well: Stormlight interfered with labor. _Bother._ She'd have to do this the old fashioned way.

They had to remove all of the gems from the room so she wouldn't pull in Light by reflex, which unfortunately meant flickering torchlight - until word got out to Shallan, who sent in a bright Lightweaving attached to one side of a small box they could position as needed. Jasnah could sense its Stormlight but not draw in. _Bless that girl_.

"This is worse than getting stabbed in the chest," Jasnah growled, eyes squeezed shut.

Navani squeezed her arm and leaned her head against Jasnah's shoulder. 

Kaladin rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. "If I could take the pain for you, I would," he whispered into her ear.

"I know," she whispered back.

She struggled to keep her composure. Sometimes it cracked and her jaw trembled, tears running down her cheeks, and then she seized her emotions again, forcing a dignified expression back into her face.

Navani wiped the tears from Jasnah's cheek. "You don't have to hold yourself together for this part, dear. It's okay to lose your composure when you're in labor."

Jasnah clenched her teeth. "It's easier to deal with the pain when I hold myself together."

The moment it was all over, Jasnah demanded they bring her infused gems.The relief that washed through her was euphoric after the hours of agony.

It paled in comparison to the glow of holding her babies.

Twins.

The midwives had suspected many weeks ago. Jasnah informed her mother of the possibility since she wanted Navani there with her. Kaladin not only heard the midwives speculating, but felt around Jasnah's belly enough to convince himself there were two (he'd been fond of feeling her belly anyway). Still, they didn't tell anyone else, and now it could be a surprise.

The attendants got them all cleaned up and situated, letting Kaladin sit next to her and hold one of the babies. She'd never seen him so enraptured, and she understood. All these feelings were almost too much. Her heart felt like it would burst.

Navani stayed with them, looking out for her daughter's needs, giving her advice. For one of the few time Jasnah remembered, she appreciated Navani mothering her.

As soon as they were settled in well enough, Navani went to let in their visitors--the whole family, it turned out, had wound up waiting in a room nearby as the time drew close.

Everyone was oddly quiet filing in, speaking in whispers and stepping softly. Even still, Adolin managed to run over without making much noise. Navani gave him a dirty look.

"I want you to know that if your mother hadn't sternly warned us against making noise, I would be cheering for you," Adolin loud-whispered. He looked between the babies several times rapidly. "There are two of them!"

 _I'm glad you can still count_. She didn't say it, though; she couldn't bring herself to be snide right now. Instead she enjoyed her cousin's glee.

Shallan wasn't far behind him, holding their daughter. Her eyes went wide. "I can't believe those both fit in you."

"I can't either," Jasnah said, looking at them with yet another layer of renewed wonder. Pulling her eyes back up to Shallan, she said, "Thank you, deeply, for the lights. It was kind enough of you to send one, but above and beyond the call of duty to stay and send new ones as they ran out."

Shallan shrugged. "It's fine. I brought my books and papers and did about the same thing I would have been doing anyway.And I just went through this same experience a few months ago, so I wanted to do what I could."

"Thank you. Really."

Shallan smiled, then turned the baby in her arms toward them and pointed. "Cadia, meet your new cousins!" Shallan took the girl's arm and waved it as one might with a doll. Cadia found this action more interesting than the actual babies and got an adorable toothless smile. Jasnah found the girl far cuter than she had even the day before. However these feelings Jasnah had worked, they were powerful. Right then she would have taken in any baby before her and loved it and doted on it. _I wonder if the strength of the effect could be measured and tracked over time..._ No, not right now.

Kaladin's parents reached the bedside, Lirin holding Oroden, who, of course, also seemed cuter than he ever had before. When Hesina saw the twins she put her hands to her mouth and squeaked.

"Mother, I don't think I've ever heard you make that sound before." Kaladin looked to his father, then his brother. "It's strange Oroden's an uncle now."

"So it is," Lirin said, sitting next to Kaladin. "And I'm a grandfather." Reverently, he put his hand on the baby Kaladin held.

Dalinar, beaming, followed Navani, arm around her shoulder as she returned to the bed side. Renarin trailed them, delight on his usually reserved face. Yes, they were all as surprised and pleased as Jasnah and Kaladin had hoped.

Navani kept wiping her glistening eyes. "Now that we're all here...have you chosen names for them?"

"This is Naiari," Jasnah said, stroking the tiny bundle lying on her chest as she looked down at it.

Navani smiled. "After the scholar."

Jasnah nodded. "Yes. She spent decades fighting for her conclusions, through the derision of her peers, until she eventually proved all of them wrong instead. One of the finest examples of facing uncomfortable evidence and accepting the truth, then making sure it isn't ignored. One of my personal heroes."

"An excellent choice." Navani's eyes shifted to the little figure on Kaladin's chest. "And the other?"

"Zeraden," Kaladin said reverently. "That was her idea." He gestured toward Jasnah with his head.

"Child of storm," Navani said, grinning even wider and shooting an approving glance at Kaladin. "Perfect."

Jasnah did her best to sit up straight but it wasn't much. She cleared her throat. "I know you all are wondering what color their eyes are and you're too polite to ask."

Nearly all of them nodded. Lirin shrugged. She met his eyes and gave him a private smile.

"I'm not the only one who's speculated that the current lighteyes are descended from previous Radiants, who passed on the eye colors they gained from the Nahel bond," Jasnah went on, tone formal."As such, I couldn't help but wonder if we'd wind up with any blue-eyed children.Given the number of other people in my family with blue eyes, it could be from me, but it's still an interesting data point."

"Always the scholar," Navani said.

"You're keeping us all in suspense, cousin," Adolin said. "So, they have blue eyes?" Adolin asked.

"Zeraden does. Naiari has violet."

Navani rubbed Jasnah's arm. "Just like their beautiful parents."

After several minutes of cooing and congratulations by everyone, Hesina sat on the bed next to Jasnah, holding her hands out toward the baby. "May I hold her?"

Jasnah's instincts told her to clutch the baby and not let her go, but this was the woman who had born and raised Kaladin, as well as two others. The baby was awake again anyway, so carefully, awkwardly, Jasnah picked her daughter up and handed her to Hesina, who cradled her with practiced ease.

"Hello precious," she said, kissing the girl's forehead. She rocked her for a while, then handed her back. "I know you don't want to let go for too long."

"Thank you," Jasnah said, taking her back, still afraid to handle the baby, but needing to hold her again.

Hesina leaned in and spoke conspiratorially. "Did you have that moment where you curse your husband for putting this thing in you? Because I certainly did, especially with the first one." She looked at Kaladin with a playful twinkle in her eyes.

Kaladin narrowed his eyes at her, then his expression softened. "That should be terribly embarrassing in at least three different ways, but I can't even be cross with you for saying it right now." He looked back down at Zeraden. "I'm not sure I could be upset at anything right now."

***

That evening, Jasnah was back in her own bed, lying propped up with both babies sleeping on her chest. They'd set the wet nurse up in a room nearby, expecting to hand the babies over right away so they could get some sleep, but Jasnah found she didn't want to let them go, and even wanted to keep feeding them herself. Her body felt strange, oddly still without the near-constant motion of the babies, but she was well aware no non-Radiant mother would feel so comfortable just a few hours after giving birth, and she did not take that for granted.

Laying on his side next to her, Kaladin slowly ran his fingers up and down Naiari's back. "I never thought I'd be so fascinated watching someone breathe."

Jasnah stroked Zeraden's impossibly soft hair, already thick on his whole head. "Thank you for talking me into this."

Leaning forward to kiss her cheek, he murmured, "I'm really, really glad to hear you say that."

She rested her head against Kaladin's, basking in the gooey contentment, listening to the tiny noises the babies made. "I worried for the state of the world before, but now it's like it's grabbed right onto my heart with freezing hands. I'm almost afraid of how far I would go to keep them safe."

"We'll protect them." His voice was quiet, but his gaze burned with an intensity beyond even his usual fire.

Yes, yes they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously I made a guess about name construction with Zeraden. Zeras is the word for storm as given by the page of Alethi glyphs from Nazh (Oathbringer p. 519), and I picked "-den" as the suffix so at least the vowels would be symmetric, plus it's the same suffix as Oroden, "child of peace."
> 
> The name Naiari I came up with by playing with sounds until I got something I liked of and that seemed in-world-ish, plus it also kind of echoes Navani.


	57. Epilogue, Part 2: Far More Than Good Enough

_Five years later_

Kaladin sat on the grass, the small child on his lap contentedly grasping at the unmoving blades with chubby hands that had just enough strength and coordination to pull them out with determined effort. The grass was some odd Shin variety they'd gotten to grow in one terrace section around Urithiru after getting the environmental control systems of the tower working again. There were continual debates about whether they should be growing food there instead, but the grassy area was too well loved by too many, so it stayed. Kaladin still found it odd for grass to just stay there when you touched it, much less sat on it, but it was pleasantly soft, and the soil it grew in gave it a curious springiness. Good for running children to fall on.

Adolin sat next to him, baby with tri-colored hair asleep on his lap. The group of children near them had devised some kind of game involving sticks and running, so Kaladin was keeping a close eye on them. Maya and Syl both watched and participated to varying degrees, which eased Kaladin's worries. Maya liked exploring the grass, mimicking it, blending in, and loved hiding for the kids to find and chase. Wyndle said she was still a little off, but given that she'd been resurrected from death, she was doing remarkably well.

The group of children included two more with blond, black, and red hair, as well as three more of Kaladin's, and three who were children of singer diplomats currently resident in Urithiru. The smaller ones couldn't walk very well, much less run, so the game didn't seem very well balanced for the participants. They all seemed happy, though, so Kaladin wasn't going to interfere.

Zeraden, already the tallest of the group despite being a few months younger than either Adolin's daughter Cadia or the marble-skinned children, tripped over his own legs and landed hard on his hands. He pouted briefly, but didn't cry, instead getting to his feet and coming toward the two men."Uncle Adolin, can you fix it?" He held out two bloody palms.

Adolin sighed and gave the boy a reproving look, but drew in Stormlight and took the boy's wrist. Cuts healing, the boy smiled. "Thank you!" He ran back off to join the game, which in the last couple of minutes had come to include jumping.

"We're probably giving them bad habits, healing every injury they get right away," Kaladin mused. "They won't learn to avoid hurting themselves."

Adolin gave him a suffering look. "How many times have you thrown yourself into desperate situations where you nearly got killed?"

"I don't need someone else to heal me, though."

"You still need Stormlight."

"True. And I don't have Progression, so I can't take getting crushed quite so thoroughly as you or Renarin."

Adolin shrugged. "I'm enjoying not getting crushed on a regular basis these days, and mostly only needing to use Progression on kids with boo-boos."

Kaladin took a deep breath and smiled. "I enthusiastically agree."

"Besides, our Surges are well suited to child care. You stick them to the ground to stop them from making trouble, and I heal them when they do get into trouble. It gives the wives a good excuse to let us watch the kids."

"The wives have never needed excuses to have us watch the kids."

Adolin snorted. "True. Shallan definitely loves them, but Veil would as soon go sneaking off through alleys. Lightweaving mostly seems to confuse or scare them when Shallan tries to use it to keep them in line, though it does make for fantastic story time."

Kaladin turned to him."Wait, you've been telling them stories with Lightweaving?Can my kids get in on this?"

Adolin shrugged."Sure.Shallan tells some strange stories, though."

Kaladin tilted his head."Jasnah's tried to read scholarly works to ours."

"I'm sorry. Did you wind up falling asleep along with the kids?"

Kaladin laughed. "I shouldn't complain.Zeraden even seemed to be taking it in, at least for the first couple of minutes, until he saw a cremling on the wall."

"Of course, with you and Jasnah as parents, they're all going to be geniuses." The baby in Adolin's lap stirred, and Adolin stroked his head, but he did not wake."And of course, I'm sure we can work out some way to have group story time.It could be their first slumber party!"

Kaladin chuckled."Maybe we can bring snacks. Jasnah's been practicing more with organics lately.She can actually make juice the kids don't want to throw at her."

Adolin looked alarmed."Did they actually try throwing juice at her?"

"Just once. And no, Naiari didn't get anything more than a very stern talking to for it."

Kaladin looked at the children playing, suddenly wistful. "There won't really be need for any of the Radiants going forward, will there? Will we be the last generation?"

Adolin looked thoughtful. "My father once asked why there weren't Shards for common men, to help with all the normal labor people have to do. I think this was right after he dug a latrine ditch while wearing his Plate, cutting and smashing out the rock with his Blade and hammer--got as much done as twenty men without Shards. So maybe there will still be Radiants, and they'll be more like you and I are now, looking after children and healing mundane wounds that aren't from battle. Gallix and some of the other Stonewards can make nicer structures than Soulcasters typically can--and Soulcasting itself is more often than not used to make shelter and food."

"I don't know how many spren will be willing to risk themselves just so we can have nicer buildings or an easier time digging latrines."

Adolin nodded. "That's a fair point. Even if some can be brought back." He looked out to Maya, where she looped and tumbled in the grass, getting children to run after her.

"I guess we'll find out." Kaladin stroked the hair of the baby in his lap. "It seems like such a shame if no one else gets to fly like I can."

It had been a couple of months since Kaladin and Adolin had had a chance to see each other more than in passing. Adolin had been spending recent months in Kholinar trying to get the princedom and kingdom back in order, and Kaladin had stayed in Urithiru with Jasnah as she tried, along with many other human rulers, to come to arrangements with the singers that everyone could live with. He could tell Jasnah would have liked to spend more time in Kholinar, and he would have gone if she did, but the city was still a broken mess and reminded him of too much that had gone wrong.He'd come to think of Urithiru as home a long time ago.

Lirin had found groups of surgeons who were happy to have him join them irregularly in both Kholinar and Urithiru--being the queen's husband's parents came with a lot of recognition and perks, which they were mostly uncomfortable with, but some, like this, they accepted out of practicality.The arrangement allowed him and Hesina to travel with Kaladin if he was going anywhere for more than a few days, or at least, let them do so without Lirin feeling too guilty or restless. Lirin kept talking about going back to Hearthstone now that that was an option, though, thankfully, the lure of spending time with his grandchildren seemed to be enough to keep him near for now.Kaladin was happy to have his parents around, as well as his brother, plus his parents were his first choice for watching his own kids when he couldn't.

Jasnah did spend time with their kids, but she was never really the one looking after them herself. Kaladin had never expected her to, so he was not disappointed, and even impressed after learning the extent to which noble children tended to be raised by nannies and nurses. Kaladin was downright anomalous among fathers of his rank, not only spending as much time with his children as he could manage, but not shying back from the messier parts.

Off on the other side of the yard, Renarin walked beside Gallix, the talented young Azish Stoneward. They'd been spending a lot of time together lately.The two had a lot in common, down to their mannerisms.Gallix even carried a little wooden contraption with multiple hingers that he often held in one hand, repeatedly flipping parts of it around. Renarin looked at it covetously, and sometimes Gallix lent it to him.

Closer to the tower, several figures walked toward Kaladin, Adolin, and the big group of children. Jasnah, practically glowing in her sleek red havah under the bright sun, was accompanied by two shorter figures--Kaladin's parents--and two children, who would be Gavinor and Oroden.

Every few seconds one boy would punch the other's shoulder. It wasn't aggressive; they weren't doing it hard enough to bruise or even discomfort. Not even a punch, just a knuckle nudge.

Kaladin looked from them to Jasnah and raised an eyebrow.

Jasnah threw her hands up. "They've been at that for at least half an hour. I heard something about the one getting in the last punch winning."

Oroden gave one last nudge to Gavinor and walked over toward the sitting men.

Kaladin smiled at his little brother. "Hey, rockbud."

"Hello Kaladin."

"What, you're not going to call me Baba anymore?"

Oroden crossed his arms, serious expression on his small face. "I'm too old for that."

"I'm not!" Kaladin said with mock distress.

"Can you call me Oroden now?"

"Oh, fine.Spoilsport."

Gavinor bumped Oroden's shoulder, and the two of them ran to join the larger group.

Jasnah's regal posture lasted through her sitting on the ground next to Kaladin, and was only interrupted by Kaladin pulling her against him and kissing her forehead. She smiled and leaned into him. "I have some news you'll like: after an enormous amount of haggling over terms, compensation, and alternatives, slavery is going to be outlawed across all of Roshar."

His eyes went wide."That's fantastic!"

"Having a conspicuous former slave as my husband has proven remarkably good for relations with the singers. And not just any slave, but a man who has shown them kindness and empathy even when he didn't have to, even when he had every reason not to. It gives them confidence that the former parshmen have hope of being treated better in the future." She shot him a look. "And no, that hadn't occurred to me as a potential benefit when I married you."

Kaladin was still afraid of letting himself relax or get too comfortable, convinced he'd miss something going wrong if he did. Still, these last several months, since Odium's death, had been remarkably good. Everyone, human and singer alike, seemed to breath a collective sigh of relief now that there was no longer this evil force making them fight whether they wanted to or not. Of course, some kept fighting, particularly the Alethi, both human and singer.Still, the majority just wanted to find a way to get on with their lives that wasn't too bad for anyone.That was still a tall order given everything that had happened over the years and millennia, but the war and destruction of the last six years had created plenty of motivation to find something that worked.

Kaladin tensed as a pair of kids fell to the ground wrestling, but they were both laughing, so Kaladin relaxed and didn't do anything to stop them.Jasnah leaned her head against him, closing her eyes and turning her face to the sun, and he pulled her close.

The world was still a mess, but it was a mess that was getting better, not worse, for the first time in what seemed like far too long.

If the rest of Kaladin's life were like this, that would be good enough. Far more than good enough. It might, he dared hope, even be wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, I made it to the end of a novel-length fic!
> 
> I was having a surprising amount of fun writing Kaladin and Adolin having dad time, so that ran on longer than I expected. I hope you enjoyed it :) 
> 
> Writing this has been quite an absorbing and fun project, and I'm really amazed and touched by all the positive feedback. Thank you to all of you who've been following along and offering encouragement and suggestions. Y'all have been a great community :)

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think; I am delighted to get feedback!


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